tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847Fri, 12 Mar 2010 04:25:54 +0000Random things appear in my brain. Some of them I hold onto long enough to blog about. The rest just fall out into space.http://www.sams-stories.com/samsstories@gmail.com (Sam)Blogger811125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-7588239340700690614Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:00:00 +00002010-03-09T22:00:15.791-08:00SchoolTeh GaysChicken"I love it when you opt for a college class to avoid stupid people that don't get the curriculum, just to be held up by them in the fucking college class."So sayeth Chicken via text while sitting in his math class. He got a 94/100 on his first exam and I am so proud. Yay Chicken! I hope that this experience will encourage him to do very well in high school, if only to avoid attending a college http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/03/who-you-callin-homo.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-3010828052280198535Tue, 09 Mar 2010 05:49:00 +00002010-03-08T21:49:00.355-08:00DiapersMondaysYou can find Cloth Diapers Part I here! In the first post I discussed prefolds, snappis, and covers. Today's post is all about Pocket Diapers with a little bit of All in Ones. Pocket diapers consist of a waterproof outer cover and a microfiber pocket.This is the outside of a Bum Genius pocket diaper I bought used on Diaper Swappers. Note the Velcro tabs at the bottom and strip across the top, http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/03/cloth-diapers-part-ii.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-8537902011490010038Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:39:00 +00002010-03-02T20:27:43.085-08:00MondaysAnswerschickensI am hoping to change up some things around these musty old parts, and Mondays is my first step. I am going to post each Monday about a specific topic, then respond to questions and comments in a separate post if needed. By specific topic I mean something that is at least somewhat educational. I'm thinking of cloth diapers, being earth friendly, how to best club baby harp seals, etc. If you have http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/03/chickens-questions-answered.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-6779347391595563975Mon, 01 Mar 2010 21:40:00 +00002010-03-01T13:40:24.411-08:00MondaysChickenchickensWhen I tell people that I have chickens, the reactions range in a predictable manner: Awesome! Chickens! Fresh eggs! I didn't know you lived on a farm. Ew. I don't like birds. Why the fuck do you have chickens? We have chickens because Chicken (the boy, not the fowl)did a state report on Rhode Island in fifth grade. He learned that the state bird is the Rhode Island Red, a chicken. I'm not sure http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/03/chickens-fact-and-fiction.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-8676180824742351365Wed, 24 Feb 2010 07:09:00 +00002010-02-23T23:09:11.822-08:00BabyEggAbout MeTeddy BearRight after Egg was born, TB and I discussed having another baby as soon as humanly possible. Because babies are yummy and awesome and we were both high on baby fumes. When we came down a few months later, we realized that although we loved the shit out of Egg, we were fucking tired. Straight on the heels of that realization, we used our legendary math skills to determine a few bumming facts: http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/02/fucking-babies-man.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-6542932241443210784Tue, 23 Feb 2010 06:46:00 +00002010-02-22T22:46:10.970-08:00SchoolRamblingChickenWhen you’re an adult and you wish to take a class at your local community college you are required to have a pulse and take an assessment exam. When you’re still in high school, you have to jump through fourteen flaming hoops in order to take one fucking class. When you aren't yet in high school, you might be subjected to an interview with a dean that likes to hear himself talk and reams of http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/02/crashing-for-motherfucking-win.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-382730971166554817Sun, 21 Feb 2010 01:01:00 +00002010-02-20T17:01:50.026-08:00PoopEggWheaty IssuesSomehow I managed to get a haircut all by myself today, send a package to a bloggy friend, AND catch up on Anne's blog. Then, I decided that I needed to blog a particular story for her, in hopes that she won't feel so alone in her plight of peeing with small children in public toilets. In addition, my aforementioned bloggy friend needs some laughter at my expense. Also, I am nasty and I like to http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/02/reason-46-that-i-dont-eat-wheat.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-999514968392794173Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:49:00 +00002010-02-19T16:49:41.677-08:00PicturesPartyEggEgg turned ONE!! on January 20, 2010. On February 13th we had a party. The kitchen was complete, the back yard was awesome, the weather was perfect, and we all had a great fucking time. Here are some pics to tide you over until I post again.Look at our forehead furrows. You think we are related? The island in our kitchen, which I turned into a cupcake extravaganza. The cake was two layers with http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/02/birthday-bitches.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-2625034585251107437Fri, 19 Feb 2010 20:18:00 +00002010-02-19T12:18:23.303-08:00MusicWho Am I?Have you ever wondered, "What does Sam hear when her phone rings?" Well, now you know: This is the first in a series of music posts that are coming soon! The video is banned* in many places, so I don't expect the link to work for very long. Enjoy it while you can. *I may or may not condone any actions depicted in this video.http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/02/smack-my-bitch-up.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-2141063562631244581Thu, 28 Jan 2010 07:04:00 +00002010-01-27T23:04:00.011-08:00Da GirlsSuck AssEggI yelled at my husband tonight because I am a douche bag*. I am seriously frustrated at just about everything for no apparent good reason. It's probably just the hormones. We need to talk about breastfeeding before I cut someone. Egg is still nursing up a fucking storm, yo*. I finally got my first postpartum period less than two weeks ago. That's right, bitches. Just a few days shy of a whole http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/mah-dirty-bewbies.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-1516886796873277987Wed, 27 Jan 2010 20:36:00 +00002010-01-27T12:36:57.732-08:00PoopContestEggMissed teh contest? Go here for the pooper scooper! Well, the poop post is not complete, but the drawing and WINNAR!! is finally here! I chose to label cookies and have Egg draw one of them from the milk jug*. Totally random! Egg can't even read! Also, Egg did not read any of the poo stories, so he was not swayed by your crappy comments. Pun intended! I'm silly today! Wheeee! I labeled all of http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/and-winner-is.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-7547674828982969030Wed, 27 Jan 2010 07:02:00 +00002010-01-26T23:06:46.258-08:00PoopMad SkillsHouseThis post is slightly embarrassing for me to write, for two wildly different reasons. Or maybe three different reasons? Whatever. One, I have yet to post the winner of the poo book contest. I Swear On Baby Jeebus that I will post the winner tomorrow. I also swear that I have some seriously legitimate reasons for not posting in the last week or so, which is my second reason for embarrassment. I http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/i-came-all-over-my-kitchen.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-1437333392178168501Wed, 13 Jan 2010 04:51:00 +00002010-01-12T20:51:45.312-08:00Pussy CatsEgg I posted another short video at Egg's blog. That one contains some priceless Egg faces of merriment. I cannot adequately explain how much it tickles me when Egg says, Dude. He calls all the cats Dude, and I am torn between teaching him that they are cats and just going with it. He doesn't have to learn their names, they're not as important as Dude, after all. *Make sure to read the previous http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/egg-says-dude.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-6608295781886314722Tue, 12 Jan 2010 21:00:00 +00002010-01-12T13:00:58.482-08:00WTFPoopGiveawayWheaty IssuesBackendRemember when I said I purchased "What's Your Poo Telling You?" and I said when I finished reading it I would give it away to my dear readers? Well, that time has come. Fucking finally, huh? I think after the last two posts we all need some laughs and poop. Here's how it will work, official rules and all that: 1. Post a comment with your best poo story. It must involve poo from your ass or your http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/poop-giveaway.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-1596760270645578516Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:25:00 +00002010-01-11T18:25:01.277-08:00PicturesSuck AssMy DadAbout Me Four years ago my dad died. I'm making his chili for the first time today. It has taken me too long to get to this point, where I can make his chili and it will be more good memories than painful goodbyes. I am finally at the point where I can read his recipe and think, "Dad, 2# Beans unsoaked is NOT sufficient information. What KIND of beans? And who measures water in POUNDS?" *sigh* I miss youhttp://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/i-miss-my-dad.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-2202982591534120999Mon, 11 Jan 2010 00:43:00 +00002010-01-10T16:43:57.190-08:00WTFSome Fucked Up ShitStepbroThis is my first post from my phone. I gave up trying to post on my phone. Fucking pain in the ass. Beware, there is angry venting to follow: I am having some serious issues, yo. My stepBIL got out of jail for the fucking hundredth time just before Christmas, because there is nothing like having the potential of a unconscious, naked, drug addict to make your Christmas merry. This is not an http://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/oh-no-you-didnt.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-5135377600098983890Fri, 08 Jan 2010 05:45:00 +00002010-01-07T21:45:36.663-08:00WTFFlying HighDrugsMy Pussy HurtsBabyEggWe are having a wee smattering of sleep issues here at Sam's Stories. I'd like to illustrate it with the following texts between myself and our new babysitter: (I have a post on the babysitter issue, too.) (Not that our babysitter has an issue. I have an issue. Or twelve hundred.) Sitter: My mom said I'm good to go for Friday. Sam: Yes!! Sitter: :) 5 to 7:30? Sam: Yep! Thanks! Sitter: No problemhttp://www.sams-stories.com/2010/01/sleep.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-6840903371868088707Fri, 25 Dec 2009 06:05:00 +00002009-12-24T22:05:34.163-08:00WTF Doesn't everyone need a hippo in a tutu dropping a deuce on your lawn? http://www.sams-stories.com/2009/12/merry-christmas-from-my-front-yard.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-6454419852144514933Wed, 16 Dec 2009 02:31:00 +00002009-12-15T18:31:29.681-08:00 Here is a partial page from one of my scrapbooks, depicting a five year-old Chicken on Halloween 2001. He wanted to be a rainbow kitty cat, so we made him a costume. Now look at these pics and tell me that you wouldn't have thought, "Dude. I totally think my kid is a homo*!" *Yes I use the word homo, but not in a disparaging way. More like, "Super cool homos unite!" than "stupid homos!"http://www.sams-stories.com/2009/12/gee-howd-ya-figure-that-one-out.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-4209276171744931359Wed, 16 Dec 2009 01:41:00 +00002009-12-15T17:57:00.105-08:00Greedy BitchTeh GaysThe CarRambling Mine doesn't have the scoop in the hood or the roof rack, but it is still damn sexy. Plus! I got one with a standard transmission. The only other compact SUV that is available in a stick is the BMW x3, which is way out of my budget. The Forrester is all wheel drive standard as well. There is something about driving the same car (my '98 Honda Civic) for almost ten years that makes a person http://www.sams-stories.com/2009/12/i-love-my-car.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-4677043265317743301Tue, 08 Dec 2009 21:56:00 +00002009-12-08T13:56:09.616-08:00FMSEggBirth StoryFirst post, second post. This post is inspired by Missed Conceptions. Damn you, woman! If you didn't feel so crappy I would send you a strongly worded missive. Note: some of this story comes from TB, as my brain forgot to store chunks of time. Any mistakes are all his fault, as always. Let me start by saying this: "HA HA HA HA." Because that is what the world said to me after I called everyone http://www.sams-stories.com/2009/12/birth-story-part-iii.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-611683878719168703Mon, 30 Nov 2009 06:51:00 +00002009-11-29T22:52:10.614-08:00EggPreggoBirth StoryThe first part of the Birth Story Series is here. Thanks to Essie for reminding me that I had this post to finish up tonight! I drove to my doctor’s office, two hours early for my normal 3pm appointment. Of course, my doctor was at his other office and only a front office lady that I didn’t particularly like was there to help me. She gave me the options of waiting for my appointment or head to http://www.sams-stories.com/2009/11/birth-story-part-ii.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-2672335575648150859Sat, 28 Nov 2009 04:48:00 +00002009-11-27T20:48:01.078-08:00PicturesDiapersEggRamblingI love using cloth diapers. I recently held down a poor pregnant couple for more than a half hour when they unfortunately mentioned that they might be using cloth diapers. I have many opinions on cloth diapering, and I am going to share all of them with you tonight! YAY diapers! The first thing in order to entice you to read further is teh cute. Cloth diapers ARE FUCKING ADORABLE, YO. Here is Egghttp://www.sams-stories.com/2009/11/cloth-diapers-ftw-for-teh-win-part-i.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-7474074540045350984Tue, 24 Nov 2009 02:47:00 +00002009-11-23T18:47:37.630-08:00WTFSome Fucked Up ShitStupid Twats This picture from Ugliest Tattoos is my way of showing you what the past few days have been like for me. You know when shit just get so fucked up and crazy that a picture of a tramp stamp that says, "Cum Slutt" just fits? Yeah, that's my life right now. You see, once upon a time, long, long ago I was BFF with someone that I met on the innernets. Our friendship ended badly. Terribly. Horribly. http://www.sams-stories.com/2009/11/what-fuck.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13761847.post-2375682821456950261Sun, 15 Nov 2009 07:18:00 +00002009-11-14T23:18:01.075-08:00My Pussy HurtsEgg My MIL emailed this picture to me and I didn't know if I wanted to laugh or cry. Some days this is exactly how I feel about breastfeeding. Not most days, but there are times when my poor bewbies feel battered all to fuck and the thought of one more bite from those sharp bottom teeth makes me want to hide under my bed. I don't have the energy or brain power for a full post, so this is my lame, "http://www.sams-stories.com/2009/11/sometimes-i-feel-like-this.htmlsamsstories@gmail.com (Sam)9