Half-Nekkid Third Anniversary

To celebrate the three years that Osbasso has been orchestrating Half-Nekkid Thursday, here are three of my HNTs, from the first two months of my nekkidness. It all began in May 2005, and I joined the blogging world the very next month. I jumped into the HNT madness in July 2005. Do you remember how I celebrated the 1st Anniversary? No matter how often I participate, I will always be a HNTer at heart. Happy Half-Nekkid Anniversary everyone!

*Blogger is sucking my ass and I can't get a single picture to load tonight. For the moment, look HERE, HERE, and HERE for my three very early HNTs.*

Half-Nekkid Pussy Cat

Dude the Cat says:

"Back off of my tits, yo!"
For more pussy shots, go see the King of Nekkid, Osbasso!

I Spy With My Little Eye...

A Half-Nekkid Thursday post! So what color are my eyes? Teddy Bear's are soft brown, Chicken's are very blue, and mine are...

For more Half-Nekkidness, visit Osbasso, the King of Nekkid!

Half-Nekkid Thursday Tuesday

I haven't posted a HNT in ages, and certain people (Osbasso) have bugged me mercilessly about the lack of nekkidness. Part of the problem is that when Teddy Bear takes a half-nekkid picture he does it with the professional knowledge of one that has taken half-nekkid (and sometimes all nekkid) pictures of hot chicks posing in front of hotter cars. According to him, if the pose doesn't hurt, you're not doing it right. I feel for all the America's Next Top Model girls, because DAMN it hurts when he takes my picture. But then he photoshops it to add interesting colors and layers and I don't know what the hell he does but BAM! I end up looking at the picture and saying over and over "I have a NICE ASS. A really, really NICE ASS." Of course, you don't get the full splendor of the ass because occasionally I have some modesty. But rest assured, the ass is nice.
I originally wanted to show off how long my hair has grown after chopping it off at the shoulders, but instead I had to tuck my head down just to expose my froggy tattoo. My hair is a mighty growing beast and I haven't had a haircut in five months. I also wanted to show my scorpion tattoo, so TB highlighted my two tats and managed to only catch a little bit of the crazy Sam hair. I'm fairly certain that certain *ahem* people would rather see the ass than the hair, so there you go!

For those of you that don't know what HNT is, please visit Osbasso and tell him Sam sent you. He'll catch you up to speed right quick!

Half Nekkid Pay Back

Some of you are aware that I have a relationship with Anna of Annaland. When I say relationship I mean that we met online through our blogs, exchanged obscenities and went our individual merry ways. One day I posted a picture of my favorite sandals:
and Anna mocked my shoes with a sneer and a smug look of self-righteousness. She called them "Gladiator Shoes" and thusly have they been known ever since. So much so, in fact that on a recent trip to The County of The Orange I brought my Gladiator Shoes. I wasn't WEARING them that day, I just brought them to show Anna. To make her crazy. In case you think this mean-spirited and just plain fucked up, take a look at what she posted on her blog not too long ago:

This picture was accompanied by this post because she is paranoid AND a crazy, blonde, afro wearing bitch. Back to the story. I am slightly drunk (during the story, not right now), I drag Anna out of her wreck of a house (she says she's remodeling but I think she just went on a drunken festival of hormonal rage and tore shit up) and I grab my precious sandals out of the car. She is so offended by their obvious beauty and grace that she almost vomits right on the sidewalk. It is at that moment (or one just like it) when Teddy Bear finds out that my Gladiator Shoes were named by Anna. He had no idea. He just thought I was odd, I suppose, naming my shoes and all.

This is my long-winded way of saying "IN YOUR FACE ANNA! YOU CANNOT LOOK AWAY FROM THE SHOES!" Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday, people.

Missed HNT

Didn't you just love my HNT yesterday? What? You mean that you didn't see my HNT yesterday? That's because you didn't go visit my other blog. You missed the greatest Dude tongue action in the history of Dude and tongue action. It was fabulous and glorious and all those other adjectives that can be used to describe any great thing worthy of viewing once or ten thousand times. If you hurry up, you might just be able to catch a glimpse before it's gone forever.

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Cathi- Hi!!

Essie- My new ink will be on display once it is more healed and less bloody. I'm assuming next Thursday's HNT will include a picture of my new red-eyed tree frog. To everyone else, THANKS A LOT for asking about my new tattoo. No, really. Thanks. A LOT.

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Half Nekkid Moving

Many of you are wondering, "Just what the fuck is Sam doing? How long can it take to move two cats, one snake, a Chicken and a Teddy Bear?" Well, it would take two fucking shakes of a lambs tail if it wasn't for my ridiculous physical condition. And of course, Teddy Bear's dad and step-mom don't know about the fibro, so I'm attempting to look like I haven't been doing the following all day long:

It looks pretty damn comfy, huh? Too bad EVERY muscle in my body is aching and stiff and screaming "You stupid CUNT!"

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday everyone. I'm getting settled in, the Chicken is in school, and posts will come. Where are they coming from? A cozy place in Southern California.

Half Nekkid Twins

You two look SO much alike. Does Chicken HAVE a father?
(picture removed)
Here's an older picture for your entertainment, Knott's Berry Farm in April 2003. When I see pictures like this one, I wonder...does he have a dad?

Also, isn't he the cutest six year old ever in the history of six year olds? I can't believe my son, the hater of hair for all those years now has long, gorgeous hair. I used to just have it buzzed, because even a little bit of hair on his forehead had him whining about his "bangs" being too long. Uh, Chicken? Those wisps aren't bangs. Really. I promise. He's growing up so fast. *sigh*

Half Nekkid Trauma To Child

What is more horrifying than taking a picture with your mother when you're a ten year old boy? Taking your picture with your mother when her breasts are pushed so close together that a dollar bill wouldn't fit between them. And believe you me, I fucking tried. Clearly, someone other than myself is to blame, because I didn't even know I could make them do that without some inappropriate hand-smooshing and groping. However, Ewe Girl, my fascinating friend with the big ole ta-tas (which is what makes her so fascinating) helped me harness the power of the girls and BAM! there they were. Holy fuck. I kept looking at them in the mirror, in shock and horror and possibly lust.
(picture removed)
They were great. So great in fact that I had to cover them with a dainty little sweater for the Mother/Son dance at Chicken's school. I didn't want anyone to think that his mother was a tramp or slut or getting laid or even thinking about getting laid. No sir. Mommies do not have sex or cleavage. Imagine my surprise when MANY mommies came to the dance displaying their wares in a way that made me sad that I forgot to bring my stash of ones I always take to the strip clubs. Then there were the mommies that haven't been allowed out of the house except to go grocery shopping since 1982 and squeezed their various parts into prom dresses. These dresses appeared to have actually made an appearance at PROM. There were also a few mommies that felt it necessary to cover every fucking inch of their bodies loosely in sequins and/or satin to deflect the lecherous gazes of the two men present. Then, there was Sam (me? remember me? the one with the cleavage? yeah, I knew you would) and the one other mommy I spoke to that night. We were cute, adult, wearing dresses that were befitting our station and yet not matronly in a old hag way. We were the hot but not slut moms, us two. We rocked and Chicken had a great time. The End.

Half-Nekkid Letdown

Well, being the suck-ass that I am, there is no HNT for you guys this week. However, I've been working hard taking pictures with my phone all around town. He's what I found for you today:

I visited Urgent Care today to determine that my 4th case of shingles in the past 10 years is, indeed, shingles. Wow, thanks doc! Now give me drugs. Oh, and thanks for the "Who the fuck get shingles at age 32? For the FOURTH TIME?!" look. Really. I know I'm fucked up. Move on, man.

While walking through the Urgent Care parking lot I noticed this gem hanging out. Perhaps the owner needed further instruction than "Insert into bush".

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Earlier in the day I noticed this AWESOME minivan.
Anna shares my loathing of those damn stick figure families found on minivans and SUVs. I wonder if she's seen these retarded flip-flop families? Does the owner of this van really make her husband wear pink, flowered flip-flops? Sigh.

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For those of you that know shingles are helped out tremendously by stress, I am doing okay. I'm having parental issues (my mother the cunt!!) which are stressing me and I'm working on resolving them. I'm not in the mood to discuss them now, but things will get better. As far as Chicken and Teddy Bear, I'm a happy camper. Things with Teddy Bear are serious. Seriously good and seriously fast and wonderful and WOW the things I will share (but not right now).

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday everyone!

Half-Nekkid Tubby Pic*

Okay, so technically I'm totally nekkid in this picture. However, you only get to see my purdy mug so that's only half-nekkid. I rarely take baths but this day my body was fucking killing me and a bath actually sounded like a great idea. By the way, this is my first facial without any makeup at all. Totally nekkid!

The "tubby" part has a double meaning. I recently went to the doctors because those fuckers will only refill my meds if I visit once a year. The nurse calculated my BMI and congratulated me on my weight. What the FUCK bitch? I've gained TWELVE pounds. A dozen. What does she say in response to this? "But you've quit smoking and that's soooo great!" Stupid cunt.

Yes, some of you are saying "But Sam, you showed your ass last week and WOW you look great." Yeah, I know. Except for one, small thing. My stomach is a greedy bitch and loves to steal all the weight-gaining glory for herself. Here's the breakdown:

12 pounds gained
8 pounds to stomach
1 pound to breasts
1 pound to thighs
2 pounds that travel around aimlessly waiting to go to the stomach

Again, many of you are sighing and wanting to bitch slap me. Go ahead. I get it. But before you kick me in the clam (thanks Anna!) you should know this:

I weighed ONE pound more when I delivered Chicken into this world. ONE POUND. Oh, and the clothes? Don't fit. My lovely newish suit? Nope. My jeans? Nope. My shorts and skirts and fuckall everything? Nope. Please send one (1) money tree so I can buy clothes that will fit my stomach. /sigh

*picture removed

Another Facial HNT

Due to the loss of the camera of coolness, this edition of Half-Nekkid Thursday is a boring facial taken several weeks ago. I shall have to dig out the older digital camera for next weeks nekkidness. I'm going to miss that camera...

(picture removed)

Speaking of missing things, I developed a funky bump near my nose piercing (probably scar tissue) and I had to yank it out. No sense in ruining a perfectly good nose, huh? So we'll have to treasure the pictures, the memories, the joy of sparkly nose and figure out what body part needs some loving next. Me thinks a tattoo...

Half-Nekkid Facial*

Why am I green? 'Cause I'm a bit o Irish. My maternal grandfather's original surname was O'Malley. It was Americanized years ago. Is that Irish enough for you?

Osbasso instructed ALL of us to include a bit o green in our contributions, with a liberal splashing of alcohol or shamrocks to boot! Don't be alarmed by my mismatched background, it's only for a few days to honor the man, the legend, the hung like John Holmes... Osbasso. If you like the shamrock background on the left go visit Akane's Graphics.Earlier this week I was begging H3.2 on my KNEES to take a picture of my lips for HNT. It wasn't even Steak and BJ Day. I made random faces in order to obtain the best lip shots in the world. In the end, I didn't even get a lousy fucking T-shirt proclaiming "I made pouty faces and all I got was this stupid picture where a person cannot fully appreciate my lips." I really like my lips. Not because they are gorgeously overblown with whatever the fuck they inject into lips these days. No,I like them because they are just right. They are shaped nicely and dammit I like them. I don't know if they are as wonderful as my feet, but they'll do in a pinch.

My non-Irish HNT.

For more exciting pictures of Half-Nekkidness-Green, go visit Osbasso.

*(Pictures removed)

HNT Sleep

I know I'm still guilty of infrequent blogging. However, I've been so busy doing lots of very important things that I'm sure you will all understand. I have even documented the monumental tasks that I have completed with the following picture:
*picture removed*
As you can see, not only am I out there on a daily basis teaching the masses/two people the fundamentals of financial planning, I am caring for lonely house pets all over the globe. This particular cat, whom I shall call "Dude" to protect his identity, was found roaming the house in dire need of a nap. Without my swift intervention, Dude might have fallen asleep in any number of unsavory places. Due to my undying love for animals everywhere, I took this poor creature into my bed and helped him achieve nirvana (AKA afternoon napping).

So for all you selfish bloggers out there complaining about my aforementioned lack of blogging, you should be ashamed. Where would Dude be today without my love and attention? Do you see how he softly caresses my face, a gentle "thank you" for the good deed I performed? Shame, shame on you for demanding that I neglect one of God's creatures for your blogging amusement. Oh, and have a Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday. See Osbasso for more HNT fun.

Half-Nekkid Thursday

A collection of my Half-Nekkid Thursday posts. For the headmaster of HNT, see Osbasso.

*picture removed*