I LOVE MY CAR

Mine doesn't have the scoop in the hood or the roof rack, but it is still damn sexy. Plus! I got one with a standard transmission. The only other compact SUV that is available in a stick is the BMW x3, which is way out of my budget. The Forrester is all wheel drive standard as well. There is something about driving the same car (my '98 Honda Civic) for almost ten years that makes a person totally appreciate a brand new ride. I love my new car.

I average 21 mpg in the city through a lot of stupid stop lights and traffic, and high twenties on the highway. It is a partial zero-emissions vehicle, and in the compact SUV class. If you don't know what a compact SUV looks like, think of the Honda CRV or the Toyota Rav4. Subaru is also a very homo-friendly company, which makes me happy to be a customer. I never thought I would buy a car that wasn't a Honda, but I am enjoying the shit out of my new car. It is a nice change to not be forced to grease up Chicken and his friends so they can fit in the back of my Honda with a car seat in the middle. Do you know what a tub of Crisco goes for these days?

*This post is not paid, endorsed, or written while being sat upon by a Sumo wrestler.

Quick! And Off I Go!

I totally fucking missed my four year blogging anniversary. Shit cunt face dammit all to hell. There. I feel better. I have only a moment because I need to pack and get ready to visit the MIL and step-FIL in Central CA for the weekend.

Guess what? I got a new car!! For the first time since January 2001. (And even that was a used car.) I gave them my 1998 Honda Civic and they gave me a nifty 2009 Subaru Forester. The link is for a 2010 but it is the same difference. Oh, and I have to make lease payments for three years. And blow the sales manager twice a month. But, whatever! A car! YAY! I'll post pics soonly. (That is a word in my world. I swear. Soonly! Like soon, but an adverb version of it.) I will try to remember to tell you how awesome the dealership treated me. Seriously. AWESOME. If you want a Subaru and you're in southern California, go there and ask for Carl. I love him long time.

Speaking of awesome, Thank You! For all the advice. I really, really, really appreciate it. It is nice to hear that I'm being prudent and such as opposed to a total cunt-faced bitch. I can always count on my bloggy peeps! Now, off to continue laundry and packing and OMG I'm going to fondle my car. In front of the neighbors.

WIN and FAIL

First the FAIL: Today I had my first cervix check as well as group B step check. Which means that I spent most of the day with the runs of course. Then taking a shower because I just can't have my OB all in my cooterus after I have shit my brains out repeatedly. Then shitting again. Then another shower. Rinse, lather, repeat and hope that I can leave the house long enough to get to the damn doctor's office. Luckily it stopped long enough for my doctor to examine a clean and tidy cooterus and poke a super long Q-tip around my nether regions checking for strep.

WIN: 1cm dilated/50% effaced/-2 station with Egg HEAD FUCKING DOWN OH YEAH!!!! He is currently sunny-side up but I'll take it as a complete and total motherfucking WIN. No more breech baby. My boy rocks out with his... well...you know. I am fucking stoked.

Because I Am Insane

I have been thinking of birth plans lately. Here is what I have so far:

1. I will not labor in a room without either a wireless network or Sprint cell service. (TB has a Sprint card that I can use in the laptop.) No birthing babies without the innernets!

2. Don't give my baby any fucking formula you assholes. Also? The baby will eat better when attached to my tit. Please give me my damn baby.

3. I will eat while in labor. If you say "no" I will have my husband or a small, innocent child sneak it to me. You will not deny me food or I will cut you. Jello and ice chips do not count as food. Does anyone have a small, innocent child that I may borrow?

4. I would prefer you to use both hands to yank my vagina into a big enough hole to birth the baby than to use a knife to cut an opening. I've tried both ways and your hands are so soft. What kind of lotion do you use?

Am I missing anything?

Call Me A Whore

I may not be a whore for advertisers, but thrust a few shiny, pretty things my way and I am instantly horizontal. I have added a "Wish List" button from Amazon.com to the sidebar in hopes of getting cool shit. Like bath towels. Who doesn't love good bath towels?

Teddy Bear has this magical "list" of pretty, shiny things that he keeps. Somehow, even though we are currently broke, the stuff on the list appears. I started putting things on the list and BAM! they arrived. I don't know how it works, or really care about the means to the glorious ends. I just like having stuff I lust after show up in tidy brown boxes. It makes my tidy box happy. And when the box is happy, everyone is happy.

I will be updating the list as I think of things. The highest dollar item currently on my list is a Chi straightening iron for my 'fro. I have realized that because my damn hair takes so much work to tame, and my FMS screams like a fussy bitch when my arms are up for extended periods of time I have unruly hair most of the time. My hair looks like ass without some serious taming. One day whilst visiting my friend Ducky I used her uber cool straightening iron and it was so much quicker. Faster = less pain = cuter hair. I went to get a haircut today and almost had it chopped the fuck off because it is such a (literal) pain to take care of most days. I have a straightening iron, but it is a cheapie one that takes FOREVER to straighten my hairs. I am babbling, huh? Sorry. I'm not good at asking for things. BUT I WANT PRETTY HAIR DAMMIT!!