Random Conversation

When we have company (rarely) the Teddy Bear and the Chicken tend to show off their stuff a bit. Eliza, sitting innocently on the couch eating her Greek salad was not prepared for the onslaught of nastiness this evening. Teddy Bear was instructing Chicken on what to pack for an overnight when the subject of condoms came up. Eliza choked, looked a bit ill, screamed "God-dammit y'all I am from the South," and Chicken deftly proclaimed that "His friend's mother, great-grandmother or three little sisters were not an option." Where I added that condoms were necessary for butt sex as well as the penis-in-vagina type.

Aaaaaaaaannnnnd! Here is my teaching moment:

"Chicken, you need condoms for butt sex as well as sex involving a vagina. Can you tell me why?"

"Because of STD's. And also because you don't want to get shit in your pee hole."

"It is called your urethra, young man," Teddy Bear intones. "If he takes sex ed in school he must use the proper names."

Fun With Mah Cooter Pal

Some of you might be wondering where the fuck I went off to when my semester ended. Well, I started student teaching full time and blah tired blah feet hurt blah fucking exhausted. My two-week Spring break started Friday at 4:00pm PST and at 9:00pm PST that very same day my cooter pal flew into town. She lost her shit, needed some immoral support, and got on a plane bound for California. Luckily I was just hanging out at the airport when she flew into town. She'll be here until Tuesday night when your regularly scheduled visit will be planned. Hush. I'll get there. Don't worry.

Also? The blogging? Will return! I have many, many things to say, including:

1. The time I jumped off the wall in my backyard and peed a little.
2. The time Chicken said in class "Clitoris? That sounds like Glitterbus!"

Oh Lordy!

I am fairly sure that I would like to be shot now. When I initially scheduled my visit to Doolittleville, USA it was to hang with my Cooter Pal (Teddy Bear coined that very special nickname) and to accompany her to Big University Hospital. This trip was scheduled for an appointment with a Special Doctor for the Very Small Animal AKA Eliza's youngest child. I was to attend this little jaunt for moral support and to help wrangle the Medium Animal (middle child) while Eliza was busy with the youngest.

Well, if that didn't all go to hell and back and then to hell again. Eliza went and got herself the MRSA again and the last few days have been grueling, exhausting, and very necessary. Although I would prefer a visit that included trips to a spa and plenty of naps, I am still glad to be here. My body, however begs to differ with that opinion because HOLY FUCK I am so tired and ouch and tired. The good news? If I can manage to tube feed a 2 year old, take care of a 6, 28 and 3 year old with PDD's I believe that I might be able to manage Chicken and one small newborn child if Teddy Bear and I decide to go that route. And yes, I've included Eliza in that sentence because although she is super great and I am so glad to be with her, health-wise she is FUBAR and in a slight coma off and on this week. Not a true "coma" but one in which she passes the fuck out while eating in her big comfy chair and then is not quite able to be roused for hours at a time.

If any of you read Eliza's blog and think "This girl is batshit crazy AND making shit up because no one has so much shitty shitness in their lives" you would be very wrong. I am too fucking tired to explain it all, but it involves projectile vomiting and a fever at the Big University Hospital courtesy of the Medium Animal. I am so tired. I am pretty sure that upon arriving back in California I will need to go into a slight coma of my own. Thankfully the semester is over and Chicken is fairly self-sustaining.

*No, Tobiwan, Chicken is at home.
**Erin, I am not near you and I don't have a layover near you. I'm flying through Atlanta on the way back. I'm sad, too.

A Ray of Sunshine

The sun pokes its weary head out over Arizona while we fly through the clouds.