Oh No You DIDN'T!!

This is my first post from my phone.
I gave up trying to post on my phone. Fucking pain in the ass. Beware, there is angry venting to follow:

I am having some serious issues, yo. My stepBIL got out of jail for the fucking hundredth time just before Christmas, because there is nothing like having the potential of a unconscious, naked, drug addict to make your Christmas merry. This is not an exaggeration by the way. It is what he does. Shoots up, gets butt-assed naked, and then passes out somewhere. Sometimes in his parked car, sometimes in the doorway of his trailer (when he lived in a trailer park and all sorts of people can see him), sometimes on a front lawn or maybe on my FIL's living room floor. After breaking into the house, stealing things, loading up his car and then POOF! Nakid and passed the fuck out. He was recently convicted of indecent exposure due to this habit. I don't know why he does this and I really don't care. He's an addict. He's never been a normal, responsible human being even before the drugs. But the problem isn't him. It is merely a piece of the fucked up puzzle I call the relationship I have with my FIL and stepMIL.

Before TB and I were together, he avoided his stepBro whenever he could and just lived his life. Now that I am in the picture, things are a bit different for all of us. There are children involved. The first time that my stepBIL appeared on the scene for me was summer of 2007. He got out of jail, I tried to be open-minded, he ended up back in jail. Rinse, repeat. TB and I decided that as long as stepBIL was an active addict with all the surrounding behaviors, we did not want to be around him. We did not want him in our house (or to even know where we live, etc.) We would not spend holidays with him when he was not spending them in the pokey. If he is ever able to be clean and sober for six months we have stated that we will revisit the situation. Until then, no way.

The last year has been supremely fucked up. StepBIL has been in and out of jail several times, and each time he gets out the issue is pressed by my FIL and stepMIL. We hold our ground, they say that he is CHANGED and DIFFERENT and this time it will be ALL BETTER. He's going to go back to school and get his high school diploma! He's going to BLAH BLAH BLAH. He relapses and goes back to jail within a couple of months. He has gotten thrown into jail for possession and violation of parole so many times I can't keep track without looking up his rap sheet. I'd like to add that many, many functional human beings do many, many drugs and go their whole lives without ending up in jail. He's obviously doing it wrong.

When he is out of jail, he gets a car, a place to live, money for food, clothes, etc. Even if the last car was towed and left in impound. He gets anything he needs. And right now they are buying him some land with a trailer on it so he always has some place to live when he gets out of jail. He gets kicked out of every place they put him, even though everything is paid for by his mom and stepdad. He doesn't have to work, go to school, stay sober, be a functional member of society. They give him everything and wonder why he doesn't stay clean.

All of which wouldn't matter to me, if it wasn't for the fact that I get blamed every time shit blows up. It's MY fault that we won't allow the children to be around my stepBIL. My FIL doesn't like ME. I'm not a good wife because I don't have his midwestern values. I don't cook dinner every night with makeup on and my hair done. I'm disrespectful of my marriage, looking all shitty like I do most days. I have endured years of snarky, passive-aggressive comments from my FIL. TB tells him not to say XYZ and his dad apologizes. Then does it again. I suck because I breastfeed with my dirty, nasty titties. I am a crappy mother because I put a hat on Egg when it is cold outside even though he doesn't LIKE hats. Everything is my fault. I am dividing the family by keeping away from my stepBIL. I don't make my FIL feel comfortable in my home. The list goes on and on and on....it always comes back to me. I did something wrong. (These are examples of the things that my FIL tells TB that I do wrong by the way, except for the breastfeeding which is only snarked at and not directly mentioned.)

A few days before Christmas we made dinner plans with my FIL to go to a restaurant and exchange gifts. We couldn't go to my FIL's house because my stepBIL was there, and a nice dinner out seemed like a good idea. My FIL was deciding on whether he should invite his wife, because she gets upset when he invites her to do things with us. (According to him.) Two hours before the dinner reservations my FIL calls my SIL (she is visiting us from Texas) decides that stepBIL and my stepMIL need to be at the restaurant. He states that it is a public place and we cannot stop them from showing up and sitting at the table next to us

TB calls his dad on the phone and tells him that we will not be meeting them at the restaurant. It gets ugly and TB raises his voice at his dad, something I have never heard. His dad threatens "Grandparents' rights" during the conversation if we try to keep Egg away from him. I quickly asked Google about it, and in the state of California where the biological parents are married, there are NO grandparents' rights through the court system. However, the fact that he mentioned this makes me very unhappy, to put it mildly. To have someone with fairly vast resources threaten to get visitation of your child BY LEGAL FORCE when that person lives with a volatile drug addict is terrible. To have it happen three days before Christmas really sucks balls. Merry Fucking Christmas everybody!

If you've been reading my Tweets today, you are likely impatiently tapping your toes. You want to know what I make TB do that is SO TERRIBLE AND AWFUL. You see, TB had breakfast with his father yesterday to attempt to hash out some of the crap that we have been dealing with for the last few years. During this meal my FIL told TB that he is unhappy with the things that I make my husband do, things that are My Agenda. This meal that is supposed to be about Respecting Our Decision Not To Be Around Drug Addicts and No More Badmouthing The Wife (me) is now about the things that I do that are NO GOOD. Of course!!

So? You ready for it? I made my husband go to the dentist and get much-needed dental work done. Approximately 10k of dental work because he finally had a job with dental insurance. I held him in the dentist's chair and forced root canals on him. If you are wondering, this wasn't cosmetic work. It was, "Your mouth is falling the fuck apart and you need to fix it before you are wearing dentures at age thirty." I feel terrible that he can eat and drink comfortably and is not in pain anymore, especially since I could have used that money for hookers and blow.

The other thing that I Am Guilty Of is pushing my husband to go back to school. I recently ordered his college transcript to see where he was and what is needed to earn his Bachelor's Degree. I went back to school when I was 25 and it was one of the best things I have done for myself. I'm proud that I have a college education and I want him to feel that, too. I am trying to convince him that he can start soon, taking one class per semester and I will pick up the slack around the house. It will be hard with a baby to care for, but he can do it and I can support him in achieving this goal. That's what spouses do, right?

The end result is that I am sadder than I have been in a long time. It really hurts to be disliked so much by TB's dad and stepmom. It hurts that every time TB talks to his dad he is hopeful that things will change, and then is hurt by the reality of the situation. But this time is different, because I am FUCKING OVER THIS SHIT. They are not welcome in my home, for any reason. They shall not see Egg. They shall not interfere with my marriage. They are going to have to do some serious fucking work before I will consider letting them into my life again. Fuck That Shit. I have had enough.