Award Winning Parenting
Remember how I let Chicken watch an episode of Weeds and I was totally mortified? Now imagine that ten times worse, in public, for an hour and a half. This is also known as the day I realized that I am too damn pregnant to hid underneath a movie theater seat.
To be fair (or to pass the blame squarely to the other parental party) Teddy Bear suggested it- he thought it would be a good idea. A movie in which the whole Sam family would giggle over bad words, sexual references, and share a bonding moment. Normally I research the shit out of any movie that is rated above PG when contemplating taking Chicken along with me. Chicken doesn't watch evening television except for a few things I record for later viewing, like Project Runway and ANTM. Our evening routine of shower, teeth brushing, and book reading starts at 8pm and ends with bedtime at 9pm-not leaving any time for evening sitcoms, dramas, or reality television at its finest.
This is my long-winded way of saying that while Chicken and I have many, many conversations which are mostly inappropriate his exposure to mainstream television and movies is limited. So when I make a fucking HUGE blunder and take him to see Zach and Miri Make a Porno I am highly mortified and cannot fucking believe that my kid is laughing his ass off while I pray for a quick death. I embedded the unrated trailer (no nudity-just language stuff) to give you a quick peek at what I experienced with my 12 year old son sitting next to me.
Now, the movie was fucking hilarious. We all loved it. But! The scene in the trailer where there is a bubble popped by a woman? She created that bubble via queef. While the audience didn't actually see the bubble being made, it was obvious what she was doing. And now my life is filled with questions about queefing. For a short while Chicken liked to call out, "CUNT BUBBLE!!" with much joy but I curtailed that habit with the swiftness. Now Chicken wants to know the answer to a queef question that I must pose to you, dear readers: "Can a transgender woman queef?" Assuming that I am using the terminology correct and we are all talking about someone born physically a man who is now physically a woman with a va-jay-jay. Now go find me the answer, mah peeps!
As an added extra special embarrassing treat, Jason Mewes from Jay and Silent Bob fame appears in the movie. As in, he is SHOWN in the movie. Completely. Head to er..penis..to toes. Just flappin' around with his little man dangling.
To be fair (or to pass the blame squarely to the other parental party) Teddy Bear suggested it- he thought it would be a good idea. A movie in which the whole Sam family would giggle over bad words, sexual references, and share a bonding moment. Normally I research the shit out of any movie that is rated above PG when contemplating taking Chicken along with me. Chicken doesn't watch evening television except for a few things I record for later viewing, like Project Runway and ANTM. Our evening routine of shower, teeth brushing, and book reading starts at 8pm and ends with bedtime at 9pm-not leaving any time for evening sitcoms, dramas, or reality television at its finest.
This is my long-winded way of saying that while Chicken and I have many, many conversations which are mostly inappropriate his exposure to mainstream television and movies is limited. So when I make a fucking HUGE blunder and take him to see Zach and Miri Make a Porno I am highly mortified and cannot fucking believe that my kid is laughing his ass off while I pray for a quick death. I embedded the unrated trailer (no nudity-just language stuff) to give you a quick peek at what I experienced with my 12 year old son sitting next to me.
Now, the movie was fucking hilarious. We all loved it. But! The scene in the trailer where there is a bubble popped by a woman? She created that bubble via queef. While the audience didn't actually see the bubble being made, it was obvious what she was doing. And now my life is filled with questions about queefing. For a short while Chicken liked to call out, "CUNT BUBBLE!!" with much joy but I curtailed that habit with the swiftness. Now Chicken wants to know the answer to a queef question that I must pose to you, dear readers: "Can a transgender woman queef?" Assuming that I am using the terminology correct and we are all talking about someone born physically a man who is now physically a woman with a va-jay-jay. Now go find me the answer, mah peeps!
As an added extra special embarrassing treat, Jason Mewes from Jay and Silent Bob fame appears in the movie. As in, he is SHOWN in the movie. Completely. Head to er..penis..to toes. Just flappin' around with his little man dangling.Labels: Chicken, Stupid Twats, WTF
posted by Sam at
4:03 PM
14 Comments:
OMG how embarrassing! I really want to see that movie though. What is UP with all of these movies showing so much wang though? Seriously.
Absolutely clueless about your question. Funny though. Glad you all survived it.
I think we'll be competing, for as long as our children remain corruptible, as award winning parent.
My kids aren't quite as 'in the know' as yours is however. Obviously, I need to catch up!
brilliant! You SO get a gold star.
My Mother used to take me out of school when she had a day off and we would go to double feature movies. We saw EVERY movie. I remember there being one featuring a very long prison rape scene. I was probably in the 2nd grade watching this. Mother's parenting move was to lean over and whisper, "remember this is all just make believe."
heh
And I must say, I found Jason a little sexier than I expected to...
The title of the movie didnt tell you that it wasn't a good idea????????
You should try to blame this one on pregnancy brain!!!
call it home schooling and move right on... :)
peace...
"Cunt Bubble"?
Seriously? Hilarious.
Oh, and Jason Mewes - love that pothead - now I'll have to see the movie just for his peen.
When my brother was 12 and I was SEVEN, my mother accidentally took us to see the film: Kentucky Fried Movie, which was all tits and sex skits. I am sure Chicken thought Jason Mewes' hanging nuts by fridge light was hilarious!
Now you deserve a hard thwack to the forehead. The title alone should have clued you in!!!!!
I say yes with absolutely no evidence to back up my 'yes'.
It's hard not to laugh at cunt bubble though. I don't see the
harm in the movie - Chicken seems
way ahead of the game, so to speak,
especially with the openness that
you seem to have - which I applaud,btw. :)
Also, his questions are so interesting.
Again, yes to your question.
:)
Cathi
in Canada
Heh heh - now I feel better about taking Z to see Rolling Thunder last summer (fuckin' HILARIOUS BTW). I loves me some Robert Downey, Jr!
um.
i realize that i am librarian, but do i HAVE to answer that question, sam? that will make ME die of embarrassment.
imagine the google search:
transgender queef
imagine the search in a database:
transgender AND queef OR vagina fart
LOL
please, tell me i'm off the hook.
p.s. LOL @ cunt bubble
p.p.s. i did not know what a queef was until i was in college. i blame my strict catholic upbringing. (read: sheltering by an overprotective and sexually repressing control-freak mother)
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