Nookie

Last night there was fabulous nookie in the Sam household. Normally, I do not speak of such things in blogland due to modesty and good taste. However, there was bloggability in the aftermath of the nookie and I always bow to the funny for the betterment of my readers. For reasons that I shall not disclose, a jimmy hat was utilized in the nookie last night. By the way, the picture I linked to explaining jimmy hat is worth clicking on even if you have a fairly good idea what a jimmy hat is already. I am a giver.

There was nookie, and then there was a condom wrapper left on Teddy Bear's bedside table. This morning, Chicken climbed into bed with me upon awakening as usual and proceeded to read for an hour before pestering the shit out of me and forcing me to do that whole parenting thing. This has been our ritual for a good part of this summer, the early morning cuddle/snooze festival. After I was awake and semi-functional I was chided by the boy for not ensuring that TB had thrown away the condom wrapper that he of course noticed. For a moment I was apologetic and then I told Chicken that mommys and daddys have sex and he is freaking old enough to get the fuck over it already.

Later at dinner the condom wrapper was brought up (we're classy like that) and TB stated that he left it there on purpose for Chicken to see. Apparently, Chicken had been leaving a pile of dirty tissues on TB's bedside table from his morning reading time. TB didn't appreciate the pile of trash and the wrapper was his way of saying THROW YOUR SHIT AWAY DUDE AND I WILL TOO. Excellent parenting I must say.

There was a lull in the dinner table conversation as we all stuffed our faces with tacos and then TB mentioned that even though I hated him, he bought me flowers last night and then GOT LAID. *ahem* We're still at the dinner table with Chicken and here is where I get a bit flustered and maybe even embarrassed because for fuck's sake one should not hear one's step-father brag about getting LAID. Stating for the record that sex between consenting adults is one thing, bragging is another. No one likes a braggart, Teddy Bear.

For the record, I don't hate Teddy Bear. I am simply a little less tolerant of people burping full sentences and killing entire acres of good, clean air with one's asshole right now.