Vacation, Now With More Poop

"I wish I could toss my own salad," says Chicken while we discuss Reina's recent brush with a cling-on and her subsequent cleaning of her balloon knot with her tongue. It is good to be home. I really missed the Chicken when he was vacationing without me.

Yesterday we visited a local grocery store in Visalia, California where the friendly cashier informed us that if Chicken needed to use the restroom, "She probably wants the key." Later in a truck stop just north of the grapevine, a friendly gentleman tells Chicken that he is using the wrong door as Chicken attempts to enter the men's room. Chicken ignores him and walks into the bathroom. Then the man says, "This is the men's room," and Chicken retorts, "I know. I can READ." Chicken is so pissed he is unable to fire off anything witty but really wants to scream, "Fuck you! I have a penis you stupid fucker." The man was so disconcerted that he chose to pee in a stall instead of at a urinal. Apparently longish hair on a boy in Central California is less common than in Southern California because we haven't had any gender issues in quite a while in our home area. Maybe we just got super lucky this weekend.

We were at Don Pedro Lake, about 40 miles north-ish of Merced, California this week. I had never heard of it but apparently it is the fifth largest lake in the state. It is a narrow lake with many fingers, and Chicken describes it as a llama on a unicycle with a bunny on its back and a satellite on its head. (??) Chicken tried wake boarding and tubing behind a speed boat, as well as swimming in the lake and hiking. He was in heaven. The houseboat had a water slide that began on the second story and ended right above the lake which Chicken used as much as possible. Watching Teddy Bear hit the water after coming full speed down the slide was hilarious. Too bad I realized that floating in the lake was the only way to get a good shot of the action. I'm not about to take a camera with me out into the water.

I avoided all the water activities except for the aforementioned floating. I was able to float on my tummy in a mesh floaty thing and I enjoyed the shit out of it. Teddy Bear and Chicken dug some some clay mud from the bottom of the lake and gave me a clay massage of some sort. Eventually I had to pull off my bathing suit bottom while in the water and get all of the small rocks out of it. It was not super comfortable, but I was thankful for the murky lake water. For a moment or two I worried about fishes snacking on my privates but then I figured it might be nice.

The last time I was on a houseboat I had some poop issues. I understand this comes as a total surprise to you. I was a wee bit nervous about this trip, and by Saturday morning I had not taken a single shit. Not even a tiny little bit. The last time I had been to the bathroom was the scrapbook store incident on Wednesday. I finally broke down and ventured into the bathroom shortly before we docked at the marina. Note to dear readers: check the status of the poop tank before taking a shit.

Fearing the worst I attempted to flush soon into the process. I was dismayed to see my little rabbit turds stubbornly refuse to exit the premises. Water was entering the bowl, but my friends were not about to exit without a fight. I pushed on the flush button some more and then some more and then I noticed a VERY BAD smell that did not smell like my ass. This is when I noticed a bit of murky water in the shower. In denial I kept flushing, determined to make the poops go away.

I did not want to tell my in-laws that I had taken a shit. I continued to flush until it became obvious to even me that the tank 'o poo was FULL and the liquid yuck that had been collecting for a fucking WEEK was backing up into the shower stall. Also, a few small stragglers were still in the bowl, floating and looking very merry for shit. My poop mocked me.

I left the bathroom to whisper to Teddy Bear about the problem, which quickly became Chicken announcing, "My mom's poop is backing up into the shower!" OMFG. Minutes later we docked, the shit tank was emptied and the problem was solved. We unloaded the boat, got in our respective vehicles and I wondered if I would ever be able to shit on a houseboat again.

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I still need to work on the rest of the pictures, however I thought you might like to see a couple right now. The first is Chicken preparing a tostada on a flour tortilla. The amazing part is that the tortilla is slathered with refried beans. Chicken DOES NOT eat beans except for green beans. No beans will he eat EVER. But Friday night he decided to try them and he LOVED them.

The last picture is Chicken and Teddy Bear watching the sunset on the lake. I love my boys and I am so glad to be at home.