Sniff And Switch

Guess what I did today? No WAY! You totally guessed it! Aren't I totally cute with my boobies and my belly? Yes, I am feeling full of myself today. Nice change, huh? Virginia Belle recently commented about my awesome boobies, saying something to the effect of, "Haven't you always had boobs?" Why yes, VB I have! However, there is a difference between 34B and 36C. (The 36C boobs are illustrated to the left) I know they don't look like much, but imagine me with a flat tummy and BAM! there they are, all happy and boob-like.

For those of you that know me well, you might be saying, "Self, why the fuck is Sam wearing a Lake Elsinore Storms baseball cap? She is neither a fan of Lake Elsinore nor baseball." The answer is simple, actually. Every year TB's office has a baseball day where everyone and their brother are invited to a Storms game and there are hot dogs, hamburgers, and games for the kids. Free. This year it was free hat night. Whee! Now I have a beach hat and I am very happy and cute in my hat.

I swear there is a greater reason for this post other than HAT!! and BOOBS!!! although I believe that those two things are awesome in their own right. Chicken and I had a great afternoon at the beach. We went to Tamarack beach in Carlsbad, my stomping grounds about twenty years ago. Fuck I am old. On the way there Chicken and I saw a van advertising a plumbing company that was open "23 1/4 hours a day" with a local phone number. Well what the fuck does that mean? Which forty-five minutes of the day should I not call this particular company? Is it in the middle of the night, when an emergency plumber is needed RIGHT THEN? Or is it at two in the afternoon? I needed to know.

I had Chicken call the company as we were driving behind the van. Apparently, (according to the lady that answered the phone and not any official spokesperson) the 23 1/4 hours is a marketing gimmick. They are open 24 hours a day like any other emergency plumbing service. It was hilarious listening to Chicken trying to explain his question to the befuddled woman on the other end of the phone, though. "But which 45 minutes are you closed?" "I don't understand the question." "Just in case I have an emergency I need to know which 45 minutes in the day you are closed." "I'm not sure what you mean, sir." "You have a van, it says..." and so on went the conversation until she said marketing blah blah and he said, "Isn't that false advertising if you are actually open 24 hours a day?" and she was nonplussed. I was very amused.

I learned a bit about peeing at the beach today. If you are standing in ankle-deep water, not yet very wet and get startled, you might pee a little in your dry bathing suit. If you are fully in the water and it is waist deep and you have to pee like the dickens you will not be able to squeeze out one fucking drop. You will be forced to walk a great distance to a very dirty bathroom instead.

I don't know about all beaches in this world, or even in this state. I do know San Diego beaches pretty fucking well after living half my life close to the beach. Currently there are areas for surfing and areas for swimming. The two are not combined, which I think is great for surfers and swimmers alike. The next step is to have separate showers. Today Chicken was rinsing off at the outdoor shower thingy (similar to the one pictured but with four sides) and a surfer dude lost his grip on his surfboard that he was rinsing. The board tipped and landed nose first on Chicken's chest, causing Chicken to panic, run for me and hit the ground at my feet. I recognized the look on his face and actions as classic "oh my fuck I just got the wind knocked out of me and I think I am going to die" and held him until he could breathe. After that he wouldn't go near the shower until there were no surfers around, the poor boy.

On the way home I decided that I needed to live closer to the beach. This desert crap is for pussies, and not the good type, either. The green, lumpy, rotten, discharge spewing kind and the kind that won't put out. I have been away far too long and I am holding my breathe until TB figures out a way to make it work. Or until I need to breathe again.