Return of the Cooter

Some of you may have noticed that I have been out of town (mostly) since Thursday evening. Yes, it was time again for my semi-annual scrapbook retreat on top of ole Smokey. A fitting nickname considering that I was on top of a mountain and most of the way up to 5000 ft there was an abundance of crispy-fried trees from the 2007 fires. I don't know why it upsets me so much to drive by mile after mile of burnt land but I really hate it. The reason I say I was "mostly" out of town is that although I left Thursday night I came home Friday night to get insperminated. Yes, that isn't a word but just roll with it for fuck's sake, okay? One of my scrappin' buddies commented that I was leaving for a "booty call" which is not exactly the way I saw it but whatever. I got me some sperms up in my hoo-ha and that is what matters. Did I mention that I think I am ovulating? So it wasn't just FUN sex it was BABY MAKING sex. And here is where I feel like a total asshole because either I am going to get pregnant and stay pregnant right away and feel like all the internal worrying I do is for nothing OR I'm going to have trouble and feel like an asshole for thinking that sex is going to easily lead to baby making. Because I'm not the proud owner of a vagina if my brain isn't totally fucked up and twisted like that. Whereas TB is saying, "Woot! I deposited my payload and we're going to have a baby." Can you imagine being that um...optimistic? Me neither. But I'm trying. Guess what? Chicken butt! Also, this is the longest fucking paragraph EVER. Sorry! Lastly, I've caught up on my Twitter comment responses but there were more than will show on my blog so if you're REALLY curious/nosy you may click on the OMG Not Twitter! link to see the rest. Okay? See you tomorrow. Byes!

Shit! I forgot something. The book that a few of you recommended, Taking Charge of Your Fertility? Well Anna, preggo Queen of Annaland owns it and offered to let me borrow it! TB picked it up Saturday (I had returned to scrappin') and NOW I HAVE THE POWER.


Or, um, I have the book. YAY!

PS I can't stop watching the Suck My Ass, Touch a Damn Dick video. Just. Can't. Stop. Loving. It.