And Another Thing...

I have a lot of things on my mind. Some good, some difficult, none indifferent. I apologize for the recent radio silence, sometimes I need to wrap my mind around things before I blog them for the world to read. There are a few topics that I don't feel ready to address, but they are bouncing around the empty space in my noggin and eventually will come out to play. First off, I have a little "business" to discuss. I am in the (lengthy) process of removing all facial pictures from my blog as well as direct references to the city that I call home. I am student teaching for eight weeks and feel that it is inappropriate for the parents of my kids to see my face AND my naked ass if they should find this blog. I felt I was left with the choice of censoring my blog (fuck no!) or removing my face. And Chicken's face. And Teddy Bear's face, etc.

When I am no longer in the classroom my face will (probably) reappear for your amusement/enjoyment. One might ask, "Well Sam, that is all good and well but what about your tattoos? Those tend to identify a person rather easily!" I'm glad you asked, gentle pretend reader. As you might guess, I do not wear clothing in the classroom that displays my tattoos. I do not talk about my tattoos with students or parents. I think I'm good. If you (not pretend gentle reader) feel that I have forgotten something important, just let me know!

For the good news: Teddy Bear and I are going to try to get pregnant next cycle. You might recall that I put getting knocked up on my New Year's resolution list, however I did not discuss the prospect any further. Teddy Bear and I have been talking about it privately and I did not feel comfortable blabbing about it here before we had reached a decision. Which brings me to another thing...

I have always claimed that I do not let the my readership cause me to censor myself. Uh? Wrong! The baby discussion is a HUGE example of self-censorship. Here is a simple equation for you to ponder:

I am 34 years old.
+
I have been off the pill for 6+ months to allow my body to remember how a "normal" cycle works.
+
I have wanted to give Chicken a sibling for a VERY long time.
+
I am finally in a relationship where I feel comfortable saying, "I want a child with this man."
=
The loudest clanging of any biological clock that has ever clanged.

And yes, I understand that I am not the first or only woman to ever lose her collective shit about wanting a baby. However, I have not felt able to blog about it because I didn't want any real-life readers in TB's camp to give him shit/feel sorry for him/suggest heavy sedation for me. Therefore, I have kept most of the crazies bottled up except on those occasions when ovulation made me especially crazy and I bugged the shit out of TB. The logical side of my knew that I am in the middle of school (which ends December '08) and it would be stupid to have a baby now. But! Logic is irrelevant when one's eggs are screaming: "For fuck's sake FERTILIZE ME!!!"

Through careful calculation I arrived at May for the penis-in-vagina without condom date. If I manage to get preggers in the first two cycles I will be out of the first trimester barf-fest in time for the fall semester to start and deliver well past the last day of school. Because everyone knows all about the best laid plans and blah blah I'm not listening.

This all leads to a gentle warning: I will be blogging about Trying To Conceive (TTC). I will NOT discuss actual acts of conception in mind-boggling detail, however I might say casually that we are "trying" in the next five minutes so DON'T FUCKING CALL ME AND INTERRUPT!!! Also, Chicken and I discussed the whole thing (again not in detail-ew!) and he wants to know when we find out that we're pregnant. He's excited but knows that I've miscarried before so there is a goodly chance of a pregnancy not sticking the first or (insert number) time around.

I hope it works. I hope it "takes" the first time around. I hope we get a healthy baby. *crosses fingers* I can't wait to share the experience with my two favorite people, my Chicken and my Teddy Bear.

Post Script: I know that I'm the only one that pays any attention to my labels, but I have added two new ones. Who Am I? is for any post that I removed pictures due to privacy concerns. Baby should be pretty fucking obvious, but is also a warning to any readers that do not want to hear about baby shit.