Ahhh....the Holidays

A time of gathering, food, merry-making and cheer, isn't it? Or maybe a time of angst, terror, horror and fear? Yes, most definitely the second choice. This year, I had two Thanksgiving dinners. The first was at my Aunt S's house on Monday night. My Uncle P was coming into town from New York and most of the siblings (my mother's siblings) gathered to have a Lebanese & Pizza affair. The Lebanese because my mother (and her siblings) are all 1/2 Lebanese. The pizza because all of their children (except for me) do not eat Lebanese food.

This was the first meal I had eaten with my mother's family in several years. I had been opting to eat ANYWHERE else with fairly good results. For some reason, when I eat a holiday meal at another family's house they make me wheat-free food. Not everything is free from wheaty goodness, but there are usually meats and vegetables and salads and desserts that I can gain 10 holidays pounds from eating. Yummy turkeys and gravies and PIE, oh how I love pie. I still miss H3.2's mom, the mistress of fabulous gluten-free food ALL FOR ME.

Does anyone see where this is going? Do I even need to continue this post? Fuck it, I will anyway. I need to vent. So... Monday night. My Aunts S and B, my Uncle P, my mother, a few other random people and my Uncle P's Vegan Girlfriend. This is where a little, itty bit of background is needed. Uncle P has been married for about 25 years. I am not sure if he is officially divorced yet, but he moved out some time ago. Vegan Girlfriend was the only woman I have ever seen my Uncle P with that wasn't my Aunt M. It was a little weird, but we rallied and my mother and Aunt S planned a wonderful meal that included many, many varied assortments of delicious food that did not contain meat, dairy or egg. Isn't that so sweet, and courteous and wonderful?

When I inquired about the wheat content of the food, a stunned silence ensued. "Oh noes!" cried everyone. "How could we have forgotten that Sam cannot eat wheat? What shall we do?" Yeah, whatever. I got a "Maybe you can eat the stuffed grape leaves, why don't you call the place that catered them and talk to the gentleman that barely speaks English and see if the two of you can figure out over the phone if you can eat?" Thanks Mom! Thanks Aunt S! You're the best!

I ate the stuffed grape leaves and some plain salad. Luckily, I am enough of a slut for stuffed grapes leaves that I wasn't very bitter. Let's move on to Thanksgiving, huh? Where there was gobs of food and joyousness abundantly spread throughout the kitchen. Three items were not swimming in Wheaty Goodness. The turkey, the ham, and the mashed potatoes. I politely requested that people use only one utensil for those items, and not to double-dip the serving forks into wheaty items. To which my Aunt replied "Ho, ho, ha ha! We've been drinking for four days so that might be a problem. I recommend you serve yourself first and make sure you have enough for seconds. That way we won't have to worry about it! Yay!"

Do you feel the love? 'Cause I sure do. Fuckers.