Kids Say The Most Embarrassing Shit
In the grocery store today, TB and I employed multiple tactics to get Chicken to SHUT THE HELL up, including paying so much attention to him we were all about to puke. Reverse psychology and all. I kept rubbing Chicken's arm and talking in a baby voice to him, while TB bear-hugged him from behind. Chicken shouts out "My daddy is molesting me" and "Don't touch me there Daddy" IN THE GROCERY STORE. LOUDLY. Holy shit I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself.
Toward the end of the shopping bonanza, TB asked if I needed some flowers for the dining room table. I said "Nah, I need money for gas and smokes" which came from fuckall if I know where considering I haven't smoked in more than two years. The next customers that walked by us were two late teenaged boys. Chicken shouts at them "My mommy needs to buy her some SMOKES!" just to be a random fucking kid. He's crazy, I tell you. Just bat shit crazy.
*For those of you that will think "Oh my GOD he is molesting that poor boy" please stop. Chicken is fine. He just likes to yell crazy things. Like "Hello Bill and Ted!" out the car window when we recently passed through San Dimas, California. Yeah, he did recently see Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, how did you know?
Also, THE GREAT AND MIGHT ANNA OF ANNALAND IS COMING TO MY HOUSE THIS SATURDAY. BE JEALOUS. VERY, VERY JEALOUS.
Toward the end of the shopping bonanza, TB asked if I needed some flowers for the dining room table. I said "Nah, I need money for gas and smokes" which came from fuckall if I know where considering I haven't smoked in more than two years. The next customers that walked by us were two late teenaged boys. Chicken shouts at them "My mommy needs to buy her some SMOKES!" just to be a random fucking kid. He's crazy, I tell you. Just bat shit crazy.
*For those of you that will think "Oh my GOD he is molesting that poor boy" please stop. Chicken is fine. He just likes to yell crazy things. Like "Hello Bill and Ted!" out the car window when we recently passed through San Dimas, California. Yeah, he did recently see Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, how did you know?
Also, THE GREAT AND MIGHT ANNA OF ANNALAND IS COMING TO MY HOUSE THIS SATURDAY. BE JEALOUS. VERY, VERY JEALOUS.
Labels: Chicken, Teddy Bear, WTF
posted by Sam at
2:12 AM
4 Comments:
That is so funny! I love Chicken. One time when I was a kid my brother was acting crazy in a store and my mom had to carry him out (he was around 4 or 5) and he yelled "help me help me..Im being kidnapped" the whole way. Cracks me up just to think about it.
Heh heh. I remember a little, old lady being throughly disgusted when Daisy was goofing off in Wally-world and I yelled, "If you do that one more time, I'm going to put you up for adoption again."
LOL kids are so clever these days...
tee hee!
when is The Great and Mighty Sam coming to VB's house?
oh. never.
right.
ok.
Omg, I love that chicken of yours. I'd totally let him date my daughter.
And I totally expect you and Anna to drunk dial Oklahoma this weekend. I will be waiting.
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