Chicken

We were vacationing in sunny [redacted], California with Teddy Bear's mom and step-dad. Well, not vacationing as much as visiting the In-laws. Saturday morning, a pleasant car alarm went off at 7am. Over and over we listened to that fucking thing beep and whine and SHUT UP I AM SLEEPING YOU FUCKER! Chicken came into the room sleepily saying "your car alarm is going off, Mommy". Uh, well son, my car is in [redacted]. We didn't drive it here. His reply: "Oh, I must have really good hearing, then." Yes, you're just that special, huh? I love that kid. A sense of humor even the the godforsaken morning. So, the wakeup call sucked ass, but he end result was a warm and snuggly Chicken. My Chicken was carrying a chicken named Cluckles. I'm not sure why my kid was carrying around this Beanie Baby, but it sure makes for a good laugh every now and then. I love me some chicken jokes.

The hilarity began when Chicken got into bed with us and Teddy Bear attempted to delicately explain that he was without clothing. Chicken's response was: "Oh my God you mean I'm in the bed with my naked step-dad?!" Yes, Chicken you are in the bed with your naked step-dad. Luckily the pajama-clad mommy was in the way. After some much needed clothing was donned, the Chicken and the Teddy Bear began to wrestle (with me stuck between them) when "Sqwak!" Chicken exclaims, "Don't touch me there!" Uh... where was that Chicken? "Due north of Nutsville" he proudly proclaims. Nice. Then there were the endless jokes that come when one is ten years old and holding a chicken:

"I just de-virginized your nose with my pecker!"
"Look at my comb over!"
"I have a cock on my head/nose/ear/elbow/back/ass!"
"What the cluck?!"
(Later playing Risk with Cluckles on the board) Attila the HEN!

Yeah, that's all I've got. I'll see ya in two weeks, okay? Remind me to tell you all about my doctor's appointment, where my new doctor tells me that my migraines are NOT migraines because everyone knows that migraines are always accompanied by auras. They are merely headaches, even though Wikipedia seems to think that auras only occur with migraines in 20-30% of the time. What fucking ever. He also recommended that I see a neurologist because since I haven't always had migrainesheadaches, the onset of them could mean a tumor in my brain. Asshole. Also, he won't give me a new migraine/headache medication because the pain of the headache/migraine will force me to visit the neurologist sooner. Even though I have a prescription from his partner for a migraine medication. Fucking asshole. He wouldn't even listen to the fact that my symptoms are classic. CLASSIC. ARGH. Yes, I'm getting a different doctor. Because this story? Has more fun and yummy parts to it that you will hear on a day that I don't have important television to watch with my Teddy Bear.