You Don't Want To See
Not today, no half-nekkidness for you. Really, you'll appreciate it in a minute. Trust me.
Last night I ate wheaty-gluteny goodness in an orgy of taste sensation prepared by the lovely people of Japan. Imagine (if you aren't a total non-sushi eating pussy) the glories of fresh, raw tuna atop chunks of tempura on saucy goodness on a tempura shrimp roll with other glories lovingly placed into the mix. The avocado tempura eel cream cheese saucy crunchy goodness? Heaven. Tonight I indulged in flour tortilla beautification. Fried and cinnamon sweet honey orgasm tortillas. Right now my belly is so bloated with the terror of wheat that I could not possibly see my cooter even if I tried. I will be paying for it later, but it was worth it. Ahhh.....
I have a job. Not a "yay! I'm employed and holy crap my college education was useful after all" job but something that will pay off the debt and allow babies to be had. I'm working nights doing inventory stuff at a major retailer. I had my day of orientation yesterday and WOW the people were the very bottom of the food chain. As if I had said "let us round up the biggest fuckall misfits and put them in one room and see what happens!" One woman was 45 minutes late and then immediately got on her cell phone. In a training room with 4 other newbies and two trainers. It's not like she wasn't noticed. After our lunch break she was 30 minutes late. Her phone ran. She answered. What the fuck? Looking to the positive side, I am sure there will be much blog fodder for me to relay to the masses (2) of my bloggy readers.
How does wheaty goodness and job add up? Well, it's like one plus two minus three equals six of fucking course! I can't eat wheat and work. So I decided to binge before the first day (night) of work. Which is Sunday12 am. Ohhhh... tummy so bloated.
Speaking of readers, you may (or may not) have noticed that upon my latest template revision I removed my site counter. I didn't mind for a while, then I began to feel a little lost. How do I know if you are reading if the site meter doesn't tell me? If I fall will anyone hear? If I put my titties on display will anyone enjoy it? Of course you will, but bear with me for a second. I had a purpose to this post...
Today I spoke to Chicken on the phone (he's coming back on August 6th) and he told me that his older step-sister taught him how to say "I am a lesbian" in German. She's thirteen. He's ten. I'm terribly confused about the why and how of this conversation, but there is one thing I do know: you should never trust a thirteen year old girl when she teaches you something in another language. Poor Chicken just didn't understand until I explained it to him in patented Sam/Mommy style:
"She could be telling you to say 'I am a pig fucker. I fuck pigs!' and you wouldn't even know it."
Oh...I get it. Exactly.
Sidenote: For those of you that are wondering why the fuck I would work nights, it is all the kid's fault. I want to be there when he gets home from school. I want to parent my own kid. If I have to work nights to do that, I will.
Last night I ate wheaty-gluteny goodness in an orgy of taste sensation prepared by the lovely people of Japan. Imagine (if you aren't a total non-sushi eating pussy) the glories of fresh, raw tuna atop chunks of tempura on saucy goodness on a tempura shrimp roll with other glories lovingly placed into the mix. The avocado tempura eel cream cheese saucy crunchy goodness? Heaven. Tonight I indulged in flour tortilla beautification. Fried and cinnamon sweet honey orgasm tortillas. Right now my belly is so bloated with the terror of wheat that I could not possibly see my cooter even if I tried. I will be paying for it later, but it was worth it. Ahhh.....
I have a job. Not a "yay! I'm employed and holy crap my college education was useful after all" job but something that will pay off the debt and allow babies to be had. I'm working nights doing inventory stuff at a major retailer. I had my day of orientation yesterday and WOW the people were the very bottom of the food chain. As if I had said "let us round up the biggest fuckall misfits and put them in one room and see what happens!" One woman was 45 minutes late and then immediately got on her cell phone. In a training room with 4 other newbies and two trainers. It's not like she wasn't noticed. After our lunch break she was 30 minutes late. Her phone ran. She answered. What the fuck? Looking to the positive side, I am sure there will be much blog fodder for me to relay to the masses (2) of my bloggy readers.
How does wheaty goodness and job add up? Well, it's like one plus two minus three equals six of fucking course! I can't eat wheat and work. So I decided to binge before the first day (night) of work. Which is Sunday12 am. Ohhhh... tummy so bloated.
Speaking of readers, you may (or may not) have noticed that upon my latest template revision I removed my site counter. I didn't mind for a while, then I began to feel a little lost. How do I know if you are reading if the site meter doesn't tell me? If I fall will anyone hear? If I put my titties on display will anyone enjoy it? Of course you will, but bear with me for a second. I had a purpose to this post...
Today I spoke to Chicken on the phone (he's coming back on August 6th) and he told me that his older step-sister taught him how to say "I am a lesbian" in German. She's thirteen. He's ten. I'm terribly confused about the why and how of this conversation, but there is one thing I do know: you should never trust a thirteen year old girl when she teaches you something in another language. Poor Chicken just didn't understand until I explained it to him in patented Sam/Mommy style:
"She could be telling you to say 'I am a pig fucker. I fuck pigs!' and you wouldn't even know it."
Oh...I get it. Exactly.
Sidenote: For those of you that are wondering why the fuck I would work nights, it is all the kid's fault. I want to be there when he gets home from school. I want to parent my own kid. If I have to work nights to do that, I will.
Labels: Chicken, Wheaty Issues
posted by Sam at
9:15 PM
6 Comments:
Ha. I cannot believe that she taught him that. Meh, even if it is wrong who is going to know?
Dude, you are going to have some great stories out of your new job, that's for sure.
I hope that somebody said something to that cunt on the phone...
Really looking forward to some juicy stories! Also would have been happy with a cooter shot. Even if you couldn't see it, you shouldn't penalize us! Just sayin'....
I can not WAIt FOR these stories... yeah thats California for you it will be interesting to see how long she lasts if she comes back.....
Ummm yeah
Yeah for you getting a new job!!! WooHoo!! I can't wait to hear the stories from this place!! That one babe running late and constantly on her cell phone reminds me of one of my cow-workers.
Glad to know you explained to Chicken the Step sister might be teaching him something other than what she said. Also, if what she taught him IS what she said, why on earth would she be even saying this? Just glad Chicken is coming home.
I speak German pretty good. If in doubt mail me or post it so I can verify the real meaning of some supposedly German, ok?
Tschüß!!!
Ooh! I can teach Chicken how to say "I like to play with my pickle!" in German. that's the only naughty thing i know how to say.
i have a friend (MJ) who is about 3rd gerneration polish. her grandma spoke polish fluently. i asked her one day if her gma ever taught her any polish. she said, "yes, but only one thing." you know what it was?
"The chickens are staring at me."
i shit you not.
ok. more stories about the fuckwits who work with you!!! this should be good. *settles into seat with bowl of popcorn*
i bet the CA fuckwits are similar to SC fuckwits. stupid, lazy, irresponsible, totally clueless....
ah. welcome to my world, Sam. i have to deal with them every day. and people are amazed when i tell them i hate my job.
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