Conversation at McDonalds

Sam: I'd like a Big Mac with no bun please, not lettuce wrapped.*

Employee: Uh... no middle bun?

Sam: No buns. At all. Not lettuce wrapped.

Employee: Uh... do you want cheese?

Sam: Yes. Pretend you are making a Big Mac, just without a bun.

Employee: Uh... do you want pickles and onions?

Sam: Yes. Exactly like a Big Mac, with everything on it, except the bun.

Employee: Uh... do you want it lettuce wrapped?

Sam: No. Just without the bun please.

Employee talks to the kitchen staff. I wait. My burger comes out in a variety of ways including:

1. Lettuce wrapped
2. No lettuce at all
3. With buns
4. No buns, exactly how I asked for it

How often do you suppose I go through this EXACT conversation? Yep, every time. The problem is that I love french fries, and very few places have french fries that I can eat. McDonalds is one of them. They also can (if they are mentally capable) make a burger without a bun. It just stresses their poor little brains so much. In case you're wondering, I am very polite and concise and not a bit snotty throughout this conversation. I swear. Really. I am the model of nice and courteous and all that shit. It doesn't help at all, but I feel bad for the employees. The "no bun" thing just fucks them all to hell.

*There are only two places that make a decent lettuce-wrapped burger, In N Out and Carls Jr. I tend to go for In N Out more, because I can eat their fries.