Let Me Vent To The Internets

12345 Random Lane
Southern, CA 92123

567 High Horse Avenue
San Diego, CA 92121

June 5, 2007

Dear Nice Lady That Interviewed Me Yesterday,

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to interview me for a part-time position as an administrative assistant/receptionist. Although the commute without any traffic will take me 45 minutes, it would be worth it to get my foot in the door at a company that is exactly what I've been looking for: a small, dynamic, hi-tech company with a production floor. I would give Chicken to you as slave labor to work at this company. I am so thankful that I know the Director of Engineering Services, as he personally phoned you to get me this interview. I am also grateful for the knowledge that the aforementioned Director just hired a production planner, because I know that such a position exists at your firm. I would sell my unrighteous soul to achieve such a position because THAT IS WHAT I FUCKING WENT TO COLLEGE FOR YOU BITCH.

Oh, sorry I yelled a little and cursed, didn't I? Very sorry. As I was saying, I'm so excited about this opportunity I am willing to work part-time for shit money and commute BACK TO FUCKING SAN DIEGO in order to take advantage of this spectacular change of fortune. Oh, and thank you for the unsolicited advice on how to manage the commute, because I recently (17 years ago) received my driver's license and have only been driving in San Diego for most of those seventeen years.

Thank you, for your compliments on my resume. It is stunning, isn't it? No, I have never been an administrative assistant. However, I have run my own company so I suppose I was an administrative assistant to the other owner. He did all the software design and development and I RAN THE FUCKING COMPANY. I'm sorry if the title of OWNER throws you for a loop. Words make me a little dizzy sometimes, too.

Also, I'm so glad your interviewing skills are so thorough, because I would have never thought to ask whether or not I know how to write a business letter. I would have assumed (and you know what that makes me) that a four-year college degree in Business Administration would have teached me real good about dem letters and shit. I'm sorry, is my poor breeding showing through? Back to the B.S. in Business, did you happen to read the part about Cum Laude honors due to the 3.63 grade point average? Because damned if I put that part in there to just show that I know some crazy Latin words. It means that I probably know how to write a letter. A business letter with appropriate language because my degree? Is in B-U-S-I-N-E-S-S.

Oh, and I'm so proud that after eight years you have worked your way up from receptionist to office manager. I am concerned, however that you seem to not understand how I could make the transition from administrative work to planning in a timely fashion, or ever. You shaking your head to emphasize the futility of such upward mobility really made it clear that only engineers (people with penises) can do things other than answer phones and order office supplies. I'm so sorry that I was that presumptuous.

In closing, thank you for letting me know that after all, even though I am so much smarter than you that you didn't even realize it, that girls can only do so much and my vagina limits me greatly. You, as a woman will keep standing tall for all that is right and feminism be damned.

Sincerely,

Sam