Bits of Fluff

Well yesterday sucked rather huge donkey balls in my opinion. Chicken had a splendid day, however I spent much of it in bed miserable/crying. My resolution for next Father's Day is to NOT be in the throes of PMS while trying not to miss my father terribly. The two do not mix well, shaken or stirred.

My father's senior picture, class of 1960. TB took one look at that picture and said, "No, you don't look anything like your dad" in his most sarcastic tone of voice.


In better news, last week my Chicken finished elementary school. In August he will become a big, bad sixth grader in middle school. I can only hope and pray that he is not scarred by middle school the way that most of us were. Goddamn that period of time sucks ass.

Ready for a short Chicken story? Yeah, I knew you would be! Well TB's stepbrother just spent a little time in a place we like to call prison. He got out yesterday, Chicken flew to Quantico, Virginia today, so the two missed meeting each other. Chicken knows that Stepbro came home a few months ago only to wind up back in the pokey within two weeks. He's not violent or anything, he just has a love affair with meth that is a tad unhealthy and tends to make him do stupid things. Like driving a motorcycle while high on meth and using his phone to text a friend. One trip to the emergency room later, Stepbro's knee will never be the same and his bike was totaled. Can't blame a guy for taking multi-tasking to the extreme, can you?

I jest, but yes I understand that for some people drugs are a serious problem and can result in very bad things happening to innocent people. That's not the point of this story. I just realized that you needed background because what are Sam's Stories without a fuck ton of digression?

So...Stepbro is stuck out in the middle of buttfuck Eqypt without transportation or the Internets at the moment. He texts TB :Hi it's Stepbro. Bring ME PORN!" Being the loving brother that TB is, he starts transferring a gig of porn onto a thumb drive for his porn-deprived brother. He also briefly considers loading up a bunch of gay porn because he's just fucked up that way and that's one of many reasons why I love him.

How does this relate to Chicken? Chicken called me as his plane was taxiing (is that how it's spelled?) to the terminal in Washington D.C. and I told him that Stepbro texted TB. I asked Chicken what three words he thought were texted after the "Hi it's Stepbro"... his answer "I'm in jail" HAHAHAHA When I tried to tell Chicken what the message really was, he was having trouble hearing me, he thought I said "corn" instead of "porn". Can you imagine a 10 year old on a plane saying "corn? he wanted corn? oh PORN! I get it, he wanted PORN!" I love my kid so much, I don't know what I am going to do without him this summer. Which reminds me, Chicken's new school gives actual grades (A,B,C,D,F) instead of random number and shit for grades. On the last day of school I get his first real report card. Straight A's bitches!!!