I Can't FUCKING Believe You Tagged Me

Anna over at the loony fucking bin that is Annaland tagged me because I wouldn't go down on her during our nasty sex scene that will soon be featured on You Tube. Shit, she had various THINGS down there GROWING and WIGGLING and shit. Mutherfucking EW! But, since she went down on me after fourteen different men carrying seventeen different diseases deposited their payloads, I figure I should at least respond to the tag with more than my usual "fuck no!" response. (How random was that last shit I wrote, huh?)

Without too much more fucking fanfare, here's my shitty contribution. Just realize that my last list looked like this fuck-fest of grossness in the extreme.

Three Things That Scare Me: Women that do not groom their pubic hair. VERY large penises. My cat's penis. I've never seen it and I don't want to even think about it.

Three People Who Make Me Laugh: My Chicken makes me laugh more than anyone. Teddy Bear takes second place, and I'll cheat and say that my Internet friends make me laugh until I pee or cry or both almost every day.

Three Things I Love: My Chicken. My Teddy Bear. My Dude. Not always in that order.

Three Things I Hate: The stupid douches that won't hire me. People that hate other based on stupid things like "she ran over my dog three times and is circling back for the forth time". People that don't offer me jobs because I'm pretty. Dammit! That is all that should be necessary. "She's cute, therefore she gets the job"

Three Things I Don't Understand: How this list (which I started from the bottom) can be so fucking long. How electronics work. Why I can't get a fucking job.

Three Things I'm Doing Right Now: Uh...blogging? Listen to Teddy Bear sleep, that rat bastard! Wishing two in the morning wasn't a bad time to call and harass Anna.

Three Things I Want To Do Before I Die: Bury my father. He's still hanging out with me. I chat to him on a regular basis but I'm sure he's over watching Teddy Bear and I watch stupid television and then get our groove thing on all night long. I want to live to see my son grow up and become a happy, secure adult. And last but not least, I MUST go back to Amsterdam. MUST. If necessary, I will skip tasks one and two to accomplish this goal.

Three Things I Can Do: Look fucking fabulous all dressed up in heels. Find a salesperson in Nordstrom to help dress me. Listen, I'm just wasting your time here. I can do EVERYTHING except what I answered in the next question.

Three Things I Cannot Do: Stand or walk for a decent length of time, deepthroat, sleep. Everything else I can do perfectly the first time or your money back.

Three Things I Think You Should Listen To: Your children, Me, and the dog. The dog always knows what's going on with shit!

Three Things You Should Never Listen To: Anna. She's lying about her hair. She secretly wants everyone to talk about how gorgeous her curls are and how they long to have such a blonde 'fro. She also wants those people to touch her hair all the time. You should never listen to me because I'm full of the stinkiest shit. You should never NOT listen to your gut. Because your gut knows ever single time.

Three Things I'd Like To Learn: To control my anxiety without medication, To accept myself and my broken body, TO SLEEP!

Three Shows I Watched As A Kid: The Dukes of Hazzard, Schoolhouse Rock, Mighty Mouse

Three bloggers I've tagged: Tag your fucking self and leave me a comment. I'll come to read and praise your almighty effort and goodness.

Do you see what time it is? Fuck!