ARGH!!!

So, my asthma is fucked off right now, and my doctor has been on vacation for approximately 48 years. So I go into the local thrill shop of urgent care, wait for 1 hour and 45 minutes and then get a real doctor to prescribe something to allow real, live AIR which contains OXYGEN sometimes into my lungs. First, let's talk about the cute little test the nurses in the triage administered. The test which I proclaimed "I shall fail this shit" before I ever even took it. Here's the results:

Do you notice the "ha, ha" funniness of the results and the plottingness of the graph? Yes, perfectly normal if I was 50 fucking years older. Nice. So, onto the drugs. I received three prescriptions, and one of which was prednisone. Prednisone sucks my scurvy ass, but it does the trick. I was trying to describe to Teddy Bear the terror of prednisone, but this site did me one better:

Prednisone may cause side effects. Tell your doctor if any of these symptoms are severe or do not go away:

• headache
• dizziness
• difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
• inappropriate happiness
• extreme changes in mood
• changes in personality
• bulging eyes
• acne
• thin, fragile skin
• red or purple blotches or lines under the skin
• slowed healing of cuts and bruises
• increased hair growth
• changes in the way fat is spread around the body
• extreme tiredness
• weak muscles
• irregular or absent menstrual periods
• decreased sexual desire
• heartburn
• increased sweating

Some side effects can be serious. If you experience any of the following symptoms, call your doctor immediately:

• vision problems
• eye pain, redness, or tearing
• sore throat, fever, chills, cough, or other signs of infection
• seizures
• depression
• loss of contact with reality
• confusion
• muscle twitching or tightening
• shaking of the hands that you cannot control
• numbness, burning, or tingling in the face, arms, legs, feet, or hands
• upset stomach
• vomiting
• lightheadedness
• irregular heartbeat
• sudden weight gain
• shortness of breath, especially during the night
• dry, hacking cough
• swelling or pain in the stomach
• swelling of the eyes, face, lips, tongue, throat, arms, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
• difficulty breathing or swallowing
• rash
• hives
• itching

See? I cannot sleep, so I mix the prednisone with alcohol. So I am almost drunk, but will sleep AND breathe. And be insane. But breathing is so nice. Good night.