Poor Baby

Here is the injured one, pre-uninvited anal excursion. Not that I have any issues with anal excursion or people that enjoy them. I just prefer that ALL people have permission before ramming something up someone's ass. That's all I am trying to say. This picture was taken approximately a year ago, when said car still had most of his/her cherry.

Mrs. Dash

H3.2 recommended that in the coming weeks I feel like total ass during the work week and feel rested and delightfully pain-free during the weekend so as to make our interactions more um... interactive. The problem I find with this course of action is that during the week I have to WORK. Which requires a certain amount of effort. If I don't work I may miss out on the following things:

1. Food
2. Shelter
3. Internet
4. Blogging
   

By the way, H3.2 just commented that I smell like Mrs. Dash. What The Fuck?! The only thing that I have cooked today was a tuna sandwich and the tuna was prepared yesterday.

Back to my blogging, and the ultimate demise of blogging that not working would cause. It is not as if H3.2 wants me to STOP working, he just wants me to feel shitty during work and not after. However, working CAUSES the shitty and not the other way around. Which would be shitty causing work. While I shit during work, and frequently feel like shit during work, the shit itself does not make me work. It is a byproduct one could say.

How does one with a chronic suck ass illness get around this work makes me tired and my whole fucking body hurts and ug! I can't sleep for shit and I'm anxious and all this sucks shit? By not working, of course. Therefore, due to:

A. My shoddy health benefits that cost me a GAZILLION dollars per month due to not having a work plan (or country that provides it DAMN YOU CANADA!!)

and

B. My working totally fucking up my social life

I am embarking on a mission. To find ONE (or more) man/men that are willing to provide me with excellent health benefits and a small (or large) living allowance of no less than 50,000 USD per year. I don't really need that much, however I would have no problem spending it in an appropriate manner. Like, um... hookers for all of my friends.

In other non-shit related matters, I was attempting to help coach Chicken in his ass-kissing of my mother via phone earlier today. He stopped his conversation, glared at me and said:

"Will you please be quiet, this is my stream of compliments!"

Okay then.

Sidenote: H3.2 is very bothered by most all of the above post. Although I assure him that all of my readers are either:

A. Mommies with husbandies
B. Husbandies with wifies
C. Gay men that I can't turn hetero no matter how HOT they are dammit
D. Hot chicks that would do me so that's okay
E. Friends that NEVER want to see me naked

Therefore, I can post this post without ramifications of any sort other than a few funny comments. And yes, Shadeboy, I probably cannot say "shit" as much in one day as I have in this post. Unless I tried. Then I could. I know I could.

Kandoo

My brain is fried, so I thought I would share a few highlights from my long weekend.

I saw two movies, Just My Luck (with Chicken) and X Men III (with the boys).

I got piss drunk on Saturday night. On the way home, some bimbo rear-ended us. She was in an 80's Honda Accord. We were in the Corvette. As I was piss drunk, my initial reaction was "Uh, did someone just rear-end us?" H3.2 and I are fine, the Vette is okay but will need some doctoring.

After we arrived home, I was walking down the stairs in the house and managed to miss the last few steps due to my piss drunkeness. My ass HURTS.

Speaking of my ass, I have been eating something (as per usual) that has had an adverse reaction in the ass region. Specifically, forever wipes. And I mean FOREVER you must take a fucking shower wipes. Which wouldn't be so awfully bad if I didn't shit more than 10 times a day when my tummy is unhappy. So, I bought Kandoo. I couldn't find adult moist wipes, so Kandoo was the next best thing. At least when I'm miserable on the toilet I can laugh at a picture of a frog wiping his ass. Who wouldn't enjoy that?

Aside from the abuse of poor Mr. Don Julio, I spent most of my four day weekend hurting from fucking head to fucking toe. I certainly love it when I have four fucking days off and my FMS decides to put me out of commission. Luckily, enough alcohol will kill the pain. Unluckily, I find that I am not interested in becoming a full-fledged alcoholic. I'm fairly attached to my liver, and parenting while drunk is difficult. Funny, but difficult.

*Note: Chicken spent Saturday night with my insane mother. He was not subjected to my drunken stupidity.

**Second Note: I may have some funny drunken Sam pictures from Saturday night to share at a later date.

***Third and Final Note: As Just My Luck is rated PG-13 I was slightly uncomfortable at allowing Chicken to view it. I only gave in because Chicken LOVES Lindsay Lohan. It wasn't TOO bad but there were a few scenes that I could have lived without. Yes, I am a total hypocrite.

Geek

Notice how the previous post contained a list? A list so boring and lame that I cannot believe I posted it. Except for one thing: I wanted to do checkboxes. I posted a list in order to do check boxes. I am that much of a geek.

Don Julio, I love thee to pieces. *hiccup*

Anna, prepare yourself. I am coming soon to a theatre near you. Clear your calendar.

Shopping with Chicken

Chicken and I have a four day weekend, so today we went out and did a few essential errands:

Pedicure & Manicure for me ☑

Oil change for Honda ☑

Caramel latte for me ☑

Double Vanilla Tea latte + bagel and cream cheese for Chicken ☑

Chiropractor for both of us (ahhh...feels so good) ☑

New bathing suit (for me) to accommodate extra 10 lbs. ☑

Jeans, socks & shirt for Chicken that he didn't need ☑

Flip-flops for Chicken that he did need ☑

Bank to deposit cash I've been stealing from little old ladies ☑

Pedicure for Chicken by Sam ☐ (We're saving that for later today)

You might be saying to yourself: "Where the fuck did you put the funny, Sam?" Ahh.. but it is right here:

As I am walking toward the changing room with bathing suits in hand, Chicken whispers to me, "Where are you going to try that on?"

"In the changing room," I reply.

"Well you better wear your underwear and bra," he whispers fiercely back to me.

Okay then. Note to self: Do not try on bathing suit without coochie protection as per Chicken's instruction. Thank goodness Chicken was with me! I could have contracted any number of icky snatch diseases. Whew!

I tried on the first suit and walked out to show it to Chicken. He gasps, looks ill and covers his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, was it the suit or me?

"That top looks like it should be worn by Paris Hilton if she ever wore a top." Okay, next suit?

As we continue on with our shopping, I tell Chicken that we needed to go soon. "Why?" he inquires.

"Because I have a female thing," I reply.

"Oh, Aunt Flow."

Yes, Chicken. Aunt Flow.

And finally, we stop at the gas station to grab some liquid refreshment. Chicken notices a little stand that says Peterson's Gourmet Nuts and Seeds. Of course this sparks a conversation perfectly suited for Sam's Stories.

Chicken: "Would you like your nuts hairy or well shaved? Would you like 5 or 6 inches? Maybe 7 or 8? How about 2 1/2? Actually I don't know how long mine is, and I don't want to know. Measuring it would be a total waste of a ruler."

In case you're wondering why Chicken would be talking about shaving one's nuts, go here and see for yourself. Explore the whole site, it's fucking hilarious and completely real. H3.2 was so enamored by the site that he bought one. It works, although we haven't shaved his ass. We're saving that for a special occasion.

Not A New Look

I totally fucked up my template. It will be back. I hope!

Edit: H3.2 is working on it, it is almost complete. Whew!

Edit #2: H3.2 belongs to a forum (he's also an administrator) and he recently enacted word sensors just for the fun/fuck of it. When members type things like fuck it shows up as fudge when you publish your posts or replies. Here is a sample of me having fun making an ass of myself:

I masturbate to gay porn I'm so fudge ing excited about this cooter [I'll juggle your testicles with my tongue for crack] don't even know. I finally get to be a person with an alternate sexual preference and that is OK and go on a cruise. Woo fudge ing hoo! I AM THERE! (In H3.2's small pee pee of course so female dog back off) By the way, girls have hoo hoo. And you're an donkey clown.

For I am the queen of man donkey love!

It's A Mystery...

Where is my Half-Nekkid Thursday picture? I bet you can find it.

Super Mario Brothers

Currently the Sam household is addicted to the new Super Mario Bros. game for the Nintendo DS. That includes yours truly, which is astounding because I'm not a huge video game fan. Today I received an email from H3.2 with the subject: "I'll be Mario, you be the Princess?" It sounded so romantic, until I opened it.

Edit: Chicken saw the Mario/Princess thing and had this to say: "Oh My Fing Gawd. I wonder if Luigi and Daisy will be doing it next. Well, you'll probably see it right here on this blog." As I do not want to further his need for therapy, I have removed the picture. You can email me for it if you NEED to see Mario tapping Princess Peach you perverts!

See you all tomorrow. I'm awaiting the season finale of Lost.

House Season Finale

I cannot believe the season is over.
Tears? TEARS? No way.
Please don't tell me he's going to give up Vicodin now.
Unfucking believable.

(I'm trying not to spoil it for those pseudo fans that recorded the show and haven't watched it yet)

What's that? The picture?
Oh, just a subtle hint. *ahem*
With salt please.
Tomorrow night? LOST!!!

And then we shall return to your regularly scheduled Sam's Stories.

Bloody Vagina

My Darling Uterus,

For the past 9 1/2 years I haven't needed your services. I have attempted to cancel my subscription to your services, with every intention to utilize you again some day. However, your customer service representatives have repeatedly ignored my calls and letters. At this time I do not wish to receive monthly blood baths and torrential streams of clots which cling between my sweet toes. I do not need you.

I have tried patches, pills and shots to lessen your flow to no avail. Please, Uterus, just stop. The cramping, leg aches and drippage are irritating at the very least. The horrendous mood swings before you empty the vaults of babydom are driving my family members to ever increasing insanity. I heard my child plotting to commit me the other day. I blame you.

As a 32 year old unmarried woman with a nine year old child, I may never use your services again. That does not mean I don't harbor fond memories of the times you cradled a child in your smushy, life-giving grasp. I merely am looking at the cold hard facts. No one is standing in line to impregnate me, so just give it up.

Please, I beseech you. We can even compromise with a minorly painful period that lasts fewer than seven days. I cannot bend on the premenstrual syndrome, however. It must be gone before homicide is committed either by me or one of my loved ones.

Yours Truly,

Sam
AKA the body that you fuck up every month

Not Dead

Womb bleeding.
I'm cranky but still alive.
More to come another day when there is less danger of flying blood clots.

Love N Kisses,

Sam

Vacation

So...H3.2 is off on a road trip to Yosemite National Park with the boys. He'll be gone until Sunday. Shall we commence with the uncensored pictures? Woo hoo!!

Damn Balloons HNT

Today is the first anniversary of Half-Nekkid Thurday. To commemorate this remarkable event, the Half-Nekkid Thursday community is posting their very first HNT and a celebration HNT. My first HNT was posted on July 14, 2005. Aren't my shoes divine? I think so, too.

My contribution in honor of Osbasso's first successful year of Half-Nekkid Thursdays:

I do believe that HNT should have a warning label reading "HNT is a gateway drug leading to complete Internet nudity". At this rate, I'll be posting my first porno for Half-Nekkid Thursday's Second Anniversary.

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday Osbasso, and thank you for a fantastic reason to get out of bed on Thursday mornings!

Women 101

H3.2 has a habit of saying things that guys should NEVER say. Remember the shoe fiasco? Oh, and speaking of my super cute sandals... Thanks Anna. My adorable new sandals are now known in this household as my Gladiator shoes, because of your comment. Thanks. Really.

Continuing on to present day, H3.2 said something that unintentionally hurt my feelings earlier today. I'm pouting even though I know that he didn't mean it. He just has man syndrome sometimes. I was talking to Chicken just a few minutes ago about the situation, and thought I should share:

Chicken: When is H3.2 getting home?
Sam: I don't know. I'm cranky at him.
Chicken: Why?
Sam: Because he said such and such.
Chicken: DOH! He needs to take Women 101. Actually, that probably won't do any good because no one can truly understand women.

OMGTFC

AKA: Oh My Gawd That's Fucking Cute.

Chicken Says

Chickens say the damndest things:

Chicken has this peculiar habit of getting up early on the weekends and watching the news. This past weekend, he watched his first infomercial. He was so excited about the GT Xpress 101 and its amazing 7 minute meal/non-stick/give you a blow job while you're cooking happiness that he wrote down the name of the product and ran upstairs to tell me all about it. At seven in the morning. On the weekend. One of the two days of the week that I don't have to be up at 5:30am. On Mother's Day weekend. He's so lucky I love him.

After I woke up completely and listened to his recital of all the nifty features of the GT Xpress 101 (he has a really good memory) I looked up the product on the Internet to find an impartial review. I gave the laptop to Chicken, and when he was done reading he had one thing to say:

"Man, those infomercials are mind-numbing. "

Yes, Chicken, they are indeed. Lesson learned.

On Saturday my mother agreed to take Chicken to a First Communion party for one of Chicken's friends. Translation: I got to take Chicken to a First Communion party for one of Chicken's friends. This sucks for a multitude of reasons. The first is that I know the kid's mother slightly, and the rest of the party goers not at all. The second is that most of the parents are much older than I am, therefore I get the yes I'm the only one here that is unmarried and under the age of 40 and holy crap I have a child and damn I probably can't say "fuck" at a Catholic party, can I? However, I love my kid and he was enjoying the shit out of himself with all the kids. After two hours, Chicken popped up next to me and I gave him the please God let us leave look, to which he responded with:

"It won't hurt to socialize for a little longer."

How can you argue with that?

House

"The bad news is that she has potty mouth."

Fuck

Grey's Anatomy is over, and here I sit bawling like a baby. Fuck.

Evil

Go here and flag this for objectionable content please and thank you. I'm serious. I think many, many twisted things are funny and okey dokey and all that shit. But rape is not one of them.

Sam and Chicken

I don't like to post pictures of my face for a few reasons:

A) I'm a girl
B) I enjoy my pseudo-privacy
C) Uh, I'm a girl

However, I wanted to show all my dear readers why people say "Oh my GAWD he looks just like you" when they meet Chicken. Even though I was looking at the pictures from yesterday (Mother's Day) and thinking to myself "Holy Fuck I look worn out" and other such things. The Sepia tuning helped with the redness around the eyes. For the last week I have had a FMS flare-up which equals:

A) Hello every muscle in my body. Yes, I am aware that you exist. You don't have to hurt for me to know you're there. I promise.

B) Fuck I'm tired. Really, really tired.

Without futher excuses here's a pic of Chicken and I, the first ever on Sam's Stories.

Remember, you can clicky on the picture to make it bigger for MORE Sam and Chicken goodness.

OMFG

For those of you that don't watch Grey's Anatomy, please ignore this post.

OH MY GAWD.

That is all.

Happy Mother's Day

Chicken gave me a Mother's Day card that he made in school, and I wanted to share it with all of you! He wanted you to understand one thing before reading. Dude = very big, fat cat. Okay?

Motherly Love
By: Chicken

Mommy
Loving, sweet, caring
Mother of Chicken.
You love me, H3.2 and Baby Z.
You feel caring about Possom.
You need warmth, kindness and love.
You give food warmness and shelter.
My wish for you is that you live a long, healthy life.
My pride for you is 100x bigger than Dude.
I love you with all my heart and more.
Thank you for loving me all my life.

Happy Mother's Day 2006
Love, Chicken

*I changed the names, but he did use "Chicken" two out of three places instead of his real name.

The Letter P and the Number 69

I am loving the shit out of my new guinea pig. Yesterday Chicken and I took him to the little pet store that we adopted him from and all the employees were so happy to see him again. I heard a couple "Oh you're the one that took Possum!" and they all remarked on the weight Possum has gained and how good he looks. He loves sitting on my chest watching television with me at night. Guinea Pigs are so cool. You don't have to chase them around the house, they just sit and relax. When I come home from work I have Dude meowing as I unlock the front door and Possum churping when I walk in the door. It's so cute, my babies miss me!

I'm having a rather intense pain day today, so I'm not going to be blogging any more unless my hands chill the fuck out. Wish me luck!

OMG

Look at this picture. WHAT THE FUCK?! Why Cuddy? Why?
Thanks to GFY for the picture.

Note: To those of you scratching your noggins, she's a member of the cast of House. A television show? Nothing? Okay, nevermind. The dress is hideous. I'm disappointed. Look at those shoes!!! That is all you need to know.

The Best

How can you tell if you're the best mother in the whole entire world on Mother's Day? When you get the fucking raddest present in the whole entire world TWO days early. I gots me a new laptop. The other one was a loaner POS from H3.2, with a broken LCD hinge which flopped around like your man's penis when confronted by your grandmother's nakedness. Of course, if you're a hetero man, it flopped around like your grandmother's nakedness. You get the idea. Socks with rocks and all that nonsense. The laptop before that died a horribly tragic death which involved grandpa nakedness and black speedos.

By the way, I have decided that black speedos on old men are like bad car accidents. Chicken and I were at his swimming lesson this afternoon and WOW I could not look away. One of them grandpa's had a package that was scary big. I hope it's not one of those plump when you cook 'em models because FUCK that would be a huge cock.

Now I have my very own working and happy and uber cool laptop courtesy of H3.2. It is waaaayyyy faster and waaaayyy prettier than the previous models. The screen resolution is so clear that I can see every pube on all your HNT photos. EVERY ONE.

If you see me in the near future, I'm the one with my mouth full.

Update: OMG I'm on the shitter and I am so happy. I forgot to mention that the old laptop had a faulty battery, so I was always stuck with a cord in the wall. Now I can blog on the shitter again. Peace, love and happiness is mine.

HNT Preview

This week is simply a portion of what will be shown next week for the first anniversary of Half-Nekkid Thursday. See you next week and visit Osbasso for more HNT madness.

Caprese

For those of you (and you know who you are) that were under the impression that I ate 3 pieces of cheese/tomato/herb/olive oil glory AKA caprese, you need to READ the post. Read it. Did you read it again? You may have noticed that I said I prepared a special plate just to take a picture of it for you all to enjoy. The plate that I ate (before I wolfed down the special plate) was 2' x 2' and when I was done there were bite marks on the edges. The dish is meant to be an appetizer, as no one should eat a pound of fresh mozzarella in one serving. However, I fucking love the stuff and I ate until I was full. Then I made a purdy plate on my Noritake china (pattern Silverdale) for you all to oohh and aahh over.

Since we are talking about my china, my father bought it in Japan when he was in the Navy, way back before I was even a gleam in his eye. He bought a twelve place setting set with all the extras, and never opened it. When I married H1, he gave it to me. I love my china. It is simple and elegant and I will always think of my dad when I use it. I miss him. He'll be gone 4 months tomorrow.

One last thing, we are ALL working on our language in the Sam household, as it obviously has gotten out of fucking control. Ha, ha, ha. So I can write fuck, I just can't say it. And Chicken can think it, but not write or say it. We'll see how we do!

Dinner and HOUSE

For those of you unfortunate souls that have not yet experienced the holy goodness that is House, the show may be found on Fox at 9pm PST. I will be watching. I may rub myself against the 60" television in my living room. (The tv belongs to H3.2, so don't come courting me, dammit!)

Also, I ate dinner tonight. It was so delightful that I made a special little plate of it, and took a picture to illustrate the beauty that is my handiwork.
Well, I guess it's not the MOST beautiful, but damn it was tasty. For the uninitiated, the recipe is as follows:

1 slice of vine-ripened most tasty tomato
1 slice of fresh mozzarella (packed in water)
1 piece of fresh basil
1 dash of olive oil
1 dash of Balsamic vinegar
bit of freshly ground salt and pepper

It's delicious. Two minutes to House. Gotta go!!

Owls and Shit

H3.2: Chicken, someone said that you look like and owl.

(The appropriate response is who/hoo, like an owl and then you get laughed at by your mom and her mean boyfriend)

Chicken: (loudly and with vigor as if he was gonna to kick some little kid ass for saying such nonsense) WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!

Oh My Gawd. I think we need to work on using some different words to express ourselves here at Sam's place. Meanwhile, I'll be the one pissing my pants from laughing so hard.

...says 'What?'

Heard tonight in the Sam household:

A homo says "what?"

You have a dick for on your forehead.

It smells like updog in here.

Someone says that you look like an owl.

Please note that I have no problem with being a homo of any sort, I do know what a dick is for, I never say "what's up dog?" and I don't walk around saying "hoo" in my panties. I do say "hoo" while butt-assed naked, however. Isn't butt-assed redundant? Speaking of naked, I have some upcoming HNT's that are going to blow your shorts up. Way up.

If you are sitting there thinking "WTF" to yourself (as you usually do while reading Sam's Stories) H3.2 and I are totally juvenile. But we like it that way.

Grey's Anatomy

Regarding the previous post, for those of you that said "WTF?":

Please imagine me reading the following very slow and carefully. It will illuminate your entire being, or at least explain my post. Hopefully the former, but I'll settle for the latter.

It is a television series.
I watch it.
It was on last night.
Scared and damaged is how a character (pictured below) described herself.

Comprende senor/senora/senorita? Como te va? No se? Chinga tu tio? Por favor?

My New Title

Scared and Damaged.

It so perfectly fits.

I am damaged.

You should be scared.

Chicken's Take

When Chicken arrived home this evening after his church youth group, I showed him the previous post. He doesn't read all my posts, but I figured that he would get a kick out of that one. Then I donned the shoes and showed my them to my boy. His response:

"You know, I usually don't go for that style of sandal. But you, Mommy, can pull it off. I really like them."

That is my boy. I've trained him well. Honestly mixed with a totally plausible version of sincerity. He didn't gush, he just spoke in a matter-of-fact tone that made me giddy with my accomplishment. I have created the ultimate man. His future mate better kiss my ass.

Training

For more than a year, I have attempted to school H3.2 in the insane ways of women. With limited female experience, I have taken some obvious faux paus with a grain of salt or two. However, today I have come to realize that either:

1. He's just not that into me.
2. He's untrainable
3. I'm doing the same damn thing over again-trying to fix/change someone because I'm untrainable.

My Proof

I purchased the following sandals today:
Aren't they sublime? I love them mucho. H3.2's response upon seeing them on my goddess-like feet:

"I don't like them. They are too bohemian."

I'm fairly sure that he should die for that transgression. When I freaked the fuck out, he said "What? Do you want me to lie to you?" OH MY GAWD. Of course I want you to lie. Lie like your life depends on it. Because it does. It really does.

Chicken's First Recital

Chicken has been taking piano lessons since October, and today he had his first formal recital. Yes, this is totally a proud mommy moment. Many thanks to H3.2 for adding coolness to the video. (And yeah, I missed the first few notes. Dammit.)



Update:
Notice Chicken's awesome first suit? He's worn tuxedos before but never a suit. So handsome. Oh, and during the solo? Notice the absence of music in front of him? Memorized the piece, which he had never played in front of an audience. There were 20 children plus all their guests watching him play. He ROCKED da house.

Books

I typically don't do lists or meme's or tags or whatever, but this one looked interesting to me. So there. I stole it from A High and Hidden Place, go there and have a look-see around, will ya?

*Review the following list of books. Boldface the books you've read, italicize those you might read, cross out the ones you won’t, put an asterisk beside the ones on your bookshelves, and place brackets around the ones you’ve never even heard of.*

The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
*The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
[The Time Traveler’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)]
[His Dark Materials (Philip Pullman)]
*Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (J. K. Rowling)
*The Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
Animal Farm: A Fairy Story (George Orwell)
[Catch 22 (Joseph Heller)]
The Hobbit (J.R.R. Tolkien)
*The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (Mark Haddon)
Lord of the Flies (William Golding)
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
1984 (George Orwell)
*Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (J. K. Rowling)
*One Hundred Years of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
*Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
[The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)]
*The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
Slaughterhouse Five (Kurt Vonnegut)
[The Secret History (Donna Tartt)]
Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
*The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C.S. Lewis)
[Middlesex (Jeffrey Eugenides)]
[Cloud Atlas (David Mitchell)]
Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
[Atonement (Ian McEwan)]
[The Shadow of the Wind (Carlos Ruiz Zafon)]
The Old Man and the Sea (Ernest Hemingway)
The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
[The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)]
Dune (Frank Herbert)
Sula (Toni Morrison)
[Cold Mountain (Charles Frazier)]
The Alchemist (Paulo Coehlo)
[White Teeth (Zadie Smith)]
[The House of Mirth (Edith Wharton)]

I thought this post would be quick and easy, however my habit of plowing through books means that quite a few titles I didn't realize I had read until I looked them up on Amazon.com. This even applied to a few on my bookshelf. I try to give away or donate books whenever I can, so I don't have much of a collection. It's my way of keeping the clutter under control. Did you notice how all of these books I've either read or never heard of at all? I know, boring post. Sorry. G'nite.

HNT Balls

For today's installment of Half-Nekkid Thursday, I bring you a plethora of nekkidness PLUS a comic-style narrative to increase your nekkid viewing pleasure.


Dude the Cat: Hey Possum, what the fuck is that? Are those your BALLS? And Sam's knees? Are you between her legs? Oh my GAWD she's holding your balls. WHAT IS THAT?

Possum the Guinea Pig: Holy fuck. She's holding my balls. She won't show this picture to anyone, will she? I can't believe she's actually holding MY BALLS. Why? That fucking bitch Virginia Belle. She asked for a HNT of my balls. Damn her. Damn her all to hell. Didn't she realize that Sam would do this? I am humiliated. I must end my life. Goodbye, cruel world. Goodbye.



Go see Osbasso for more half-nekkidness with fewer animal balls, and don't forget to visit Estella's Revenge for the second installment of the greatest webzine EVER!!

Don't Look Anna!

I promised a while back a sample of my scrapbooking work, however it has been difficult to find a layout that I liked that didn't have pictures of random people that might not want to be viewed by my seven (eight?) readers. I didn't resize this picture so you can see it in all of its high resolution glory. You can click on it to make it even BIGGER.
The pictures were taken in September of 2004 at the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach, California. The layout is two 12" x 12" pages. (Anna, I know you're reading this, dammit. Stop looking so horrified)

I love scrapbooking because:

1. I love taking pictures
2. I'm creative and it's a good outlet
3. I can scrapbook in a group and look really intent on my work and not have to talk to anyone
4. I wish I had more pictures/stories of my childhood, grandparents, etc.
   
5. My kid is so cute. Look at those missing teeth! He was almost 8 in these pictures.
6. Did I mention that I take great pictures?

Next post: More Sam filth, laughter and chaos. Plus! Virginia Belle has requested an HNT involving Possum's balls. I'll do my best to make a sexy HNT while highlighting my guinea pig's awesome sack.

Stuff On My Cat

What the fuck? What is that on me?
Why would you do this to me? What have I ever done to you? I think I hate you now.

May Day

H3.2 tried to get my poor, sick, 101.4 feverish Chicken Jack-in-the-Box tonight for dinner and they were closed. This lead to a short discussion in which I explained how many immigrants and their supporters did not go to work today. Chicken's comments:

"Go them. I'm glad they're finally standing up for themselves and putting up a fight for their rights."

Chicken also says that H3.2 should be changed to H3.7, because "it's not like he's a boy toy" as he's been around for more than a year. Kid's logic in full force, y0.