Who's The Coolest Cat In Town?

This weekend at Teddy Bear's annual awards dinner (AKA Christmas party but shhh! don't tell the Christmas tress in the corner that they aren't politically correct) I was treated to a mostly gluten-free meal. My future MIL (TB's step-mom) made the cutest little card in the world so the servers would know not to poison me too much.

As far as the whole testing thing went, first let me tell you that cost was a factor in waiting for the Celiac tests. My health insurance (remember I don't have a real job-so no handy dandy group insurance) sucks ass. And not in the cute ass licking way, like the newly named "Reina" did to Dude earlier. She walked up, sniffed and *slurp!* licked his butthole. He immediately sat down and looked agitated. Like he's never licked ass before. What. Ever.

Onward ho, disjointed post! I received the bill today for all the various and sundry tests they did with my four precious vials of blood. My total cost? About $22.00 USD. Stupid fuckers. If they would have told me that MONTHS YEARS ago I would have had it fucking done and over with already. But NO! My damn meds cost me six times that amount EVERY FUCKING BLOODY MONTH.

Sorry. The result? No Celiac disease for me. Which means: Yay! I can eat wheat occasionally, feel like total shit but not be destroying my small intestines and chances of future motherhood and increase my risk of cancer and blah blah blah. So my body hates wheat. I get it. I stay away from it. But it won't kill me. Although, if I eat it like I did for the month prior to testing, I will want to die. Note to people in my life: If I start eating wheat all day every day, either I am about to commit suicide and want to A) enjoy wheat while I'm alive or B) I am hoping the misery of wheat will help push me over the edge. Or possibly A and B together. However, if you see me savor funnel cake once a year, for fuck's sake just let me enjoy it.

I have tried numerous things since my wheat intolerance NOT Celiac diagnosis. Like oatmeal. Hey- it doesn't bother me! Guinness- no reaction either!! I could live off of oatmeal and Guinness. Really. I could.

And yes, the stinky cat has a name: Reina. Meaning Queen of All Unholy Shit Smells. But she's so lovable. And she's into tossin' salads. Woot! The picture is BIG. Clicky on it and you'll see what I mean.

Also, things newish to come: I will be adding some sort of picture thingy like flicker to share my uh... pictures. And... I will be taking over/editing/sharing my father's websites. I think I'm ready, although when I updated his old email address today (because his sites still link to it) I got teary. I hate this cliche holiday sadness at the loss of my father, but how can I avoid it when he died in January? Grrr... Must kiss and hold stinky kitten to sooth the Sam beast.

OH OH Oh! I almost forgot!!!! More exclamation points!!!!!! Soon there will be a www.sams-stories.com. How exciting is that?!!!