Notable Quotes

During a discussion of various oral (oral as in oral sex, not as in brushing ones teeth) aids such as Listerine, Pop Rocks and Altoids Ewe Girl remarked "Altoids, curiously strong and I'm not kidding."

*awkward silence*

Perhaps one needs to indulge in a bit of tequila before finding that one amusing. I'll wait while you go drink. Ready? Okay. I'm sure this will be much funnier now. Read it again. See? Ha, ha, ha. It was funny, indeed.

Chicken was eating Poppycock when he remarked: "Poppycock makes my cock poppy." OMFG. That's all I can say to that one.




Remember Possum? Cute, cuddly and low maintenance guinea pig free to a good home? Well fuck me if Possum didn't have a secret. A dastardly secret hidden in his most sensitive region. You see, male guinea pigs have a spot called the perineal sac. It is an opening in the middle of their scrotum that contains glands and partially digested food. Guinea pigs (like a few other animals) do not get enough nutrition from their food the first time through the ole shithole so the tasty morsels slippy-slide into their perineal sac and wait there until they get the munchies. Of course, being short-legged freaks they also accumulate various yuckiness found on the bottom of their cages. Which needs to be cleaned out by hand. My hand. Let me be the first to say, "FUCKING EW!"

To get a sense of Teddy Bear's humor, his take on the perineal sac was "Wouldn't it be nice to have a snack spot between your left and right balls?" Um...yeah. Snack spot.

In other news, Ewe Girl bought a few movies at Circuit City last week. Teddy Bear asked her what movies she purchased and she told him "Predator, blah blah and blah blah (sue me if I only remember the relevant title). Chicken exclaims to Ewe Girl: "You are a predator. Sexual predator, baaby!" What the fuck? I believe JonBenet Ramsey needs to be in the news a little less and fuzzy bunnies nuzzling a little more.

The weekend with Teddy Bear Mom (AKA Momma Bear) and Teddy Bear stepdad (AKA um... cue cute name...lalala... uh I got nothing). Okay, so the weekend went fabulously and yes, I was crazy to worry. However, there was one little slip which I believe went unnoticed by any and all family members. We were in the mall, walking by Brookstone and Teddy Bear started to drool a bit in typical guy sees expensive adult toy store fashion. Chicken wanted to know what Brookstone sold and I explained that it was an adult toy store. Oops. "Like Adam and Eve, mommy?" My hand flies to cover his mouth while I whisper fiercely in his ear to shut the fuck up before sweet death releases him from this dreary life. Or I said "hush". Whatever. You get the point.

For those of you that miss my DD's and their appearance on Thursday's HNT glories I have my camera charged and functional. Now I just need to take pictures of those bad boys (or my elbow or Ewe Girl's jugs) and post on Wednesday night. Someone remind me? Okay. Thanks!