Lacking Humor
Note: If you did not receive my Top Secret Blog Entry via email (Aughra and other faithful readers) and want to know what the fuck is going on, drop me a line at samsstories@gmail.com. I'll send you the update.
Recently Chicken, Baby Z and I went to the mall in a futile attempt to accomplish a bit of back to school shopping. I found that one (1) fussy about clothing Chicken + one (1) baby = hurry the fuck up and pick something so we can leave. At least Baby Z was firmly attached to me via one of those front sling/carrier thingies so I didn't have to worry about managing a stroller and a death-defying baby that loves to wriggle out of everything. (This is going somewhere, really it is!)
I got a text from Teddy Bear whilst strolling through the mall:
"My waitress wants to hit it, think I should bring her home?"
Luckily, I was next to a jewelry store so I popped right in and snapped a picture of a ring with a HUGE rock on it with my camera phone. Before I could make a clean getaway, the sales slime guy came up to me and inquired: "Making sure he knows which one you want?" I replied, "No, he just asked me if he could bring home a waitress, so I'm sending him a pic of what he needs to bring home first." Cue awkward (for him) silence. He glances at the 1 year old attached to my body, the 9 year old standing next to me and ventures a hesitant, "He's joking, right?" Yes, moron, he's joking. I'm joking, Chicken is snickering and we're all having a grand time while you stand there wondering what the fuck to say.
Another Note: Teddy Bear has requested that he is not refferred to as H3.3, but simply as Teddy Bear, or, TB for the lazy. If you're scratching your head, refer to the Note above.
Recently Chicken, Baby Z and I went to the mall in a futile attempt to accomplish a bit of back to school shopping. I found that one (1) fussy about clothing Chicken + one (1) baby = hurry the fuck up and pick something so we can leave. At least Baby Z was firmly attached to me via one of those front sling/carrier thingies so I didn't have to worry about managing a stroller and a death-defying baby that loves to wriggle out of everything. (This is going somewhere, really it is!)
I got a text from Teddy Bear whilst strolling through the mall:
"My waitress wants to hit it, think I should bring her home?"
Luckily, I was next to a jewelry store so I popped right in and snapped a picture of a ring with a HUGE rock on it with my camera phone. Before I could make a clean getaway, the sales slime guy came up to me and inquired: "Making sure he knows which one you want?" I replied, "No, he just asked me if he could bring home a waitress, so I'm sending him a pic of what he needs to bring home first." Cue awkward (for him) silence. He glances at the 1 year old attached to my body, the 9 year old standing next to me and ventures a hesitant, "He's joking, right?" Yes, moron, he's joking. I'm joking, Chicken is snickering and we're all having a grand time while you stand there wondering what the fuck to say.
Another Note: Teddy Bear has requested that he is not refferred to as H3.3, but simply as Teddy Bear, or, TB for the lazy. If you're scratching your head, refer to the Note above.
posted by Sam at
7:33 PM
8 Comments:
Isn't it fun to fuck with the mall people??
He wants to be refered to as tuberculosis?
oh, good one, Sam. that is an awesome story.
have you heard the urban legend about the guy who got a ticket from one of those cameras? the photo of his car running the red light was mailed to him. he owed $50. being smart, he mailed a photo of the $50 to the police. the police mailed him a photo of handcuffs.
so he paid the ticket.
glad you are back. hope things are going well!!!
Now thats what I call 'I peed a little in my pants' humor. Glad to see you are back.
I think that you should have said that he wanted to bring the waitress home for a three way! Then watch the look on the diamond hustler's face.
That was too cute.. I like TB. :)
I agree with Anne, very cute.
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