Shopping with Chicken
Chicken and I have a four day weekend, so today we went out and did a few essential errands:
Pedicure & Manicure for me ☑
Oil change for Honda ☑
Caramel latte for me ☑
Double Vanilla Tea latte + bagel and cream cheese for Chicken ☑
Chiropractor for both of us (ahhh...feels so good) ☑
New bathing suit (for me) to accommodate extra 10 lbs. ☑
Jeans, socks & shirt for Chicken that he didn't need ☑
Flip-flops for Chicken that he did need ☑
Bank to deposit cash I've been stealing from little old ladies ☑
Pedicure for Chicken by Sam ☐ (We're saving that for later today)
You might be saying to yourself: "Where the fuck did you put the funny, Sam?" Ahh.. but it is right here:
As I am walking toward the changing room with bathing suits in hand, Chicken whispers to me, "Where are you going to try that on?"
"In the changing room," I reply.
"Well you better wear your underwear and bra," he whispers fiercely back to me.
Okay then. Note to self: Do not try on bathing suit without coochie protection as per Chicken's instruction. Thank goodness Chicken was with me! I could have contracted any number of icky snatch diseases. Whew!
I tried on the first suit and walked out to show it to Chicken. He gasps, looks ill and covers his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, was it the suit or me?
"That top looks like it should be worn by Paris Hilton if she ever wore a top." Okay, next suit?
As we continue on with our shopping, I tell Chicken that we needed to go soon. "Why?" he inquires.
"Because I have a female thing," I reply.
"Oh, Aunt Flow."
Yes, Chicken. Aunt Flow.
And finally, we stop at the gas station to grab some liquid refreshment. Chicken notices a little stand that says Peterson's Gourmet Nuts and Seeds. Of course this sparks a conversation perfectly suited for Sam's Stories.
Chicken: "Would you like your nuts hairy or well shaved? Would you like 5 or 6 inches? Maybe 7 or 8? How about 2 1/2? Actually I don't know how long mine is, and I don't want to know. Measuring it would be a total waste of a ruler."
In case you're wondering why Chicken would be talking about shaving one's nuts, go here and see for yourself. Explore the whole site, it's fucking hilarious and completely real. H3.2 was so enamored by the site that he bought one. It works, although we haven't shaved his ass. We're saving that for a special occasion.
Pedicure & Manicure for me ☑
Oil change for Honda ☑
Caramel latte for me ☑
Double Vanilla Tea latte + bagel and cream cheese for Chicken ☑
Chiropractor for both of us (ahhh...feels so good) ☑
New bathing suit (for me) to accommodate extra 10 lbs. ☑
Jeans, socks & shirt for Chicken that he didn't need ☑
Flip-flops for Chicken that he did need ☑
Bank to deposit cash I've been stealing from little old ladies ☑
Pedicure for Chicken by Sam ☐ (We're saving that for later today)
You might be saying to yourself: "Where the fuck did you put the funny, Sam?" Ahh.. but it is right here:
As I am walking toward the changing room with bathing suits in hand, Chicken whispers to me, "Where are you going to try that on?"
"In the changing room," I reply.
"Well you better wear your underwear and bra," he whispers fiercely back to me.
Okay then. Note to self: Do not try on bathing suit without coochie protection as per Chicken's instruction. Thank goodness Chicken was with me! I could have contracted any number of icky snatch diseases. Whew!
I tried on the first suit and walked out to show it to Chicken. He gasps, looks ill and covers his eyes. I asked him what was wrong, was it the suit or me?
"That top looks like it should be worn by Paris Hilton if she ever wore a top." Okay, next suit?
As we continue on with our shopping, I tell Chicken that we needed to go soon. "Why?" he inquires.
"Because I have a female thing," I reply.
"Oh, Aunt Flow."
Yes, Chicken. Aunt Flow.
And finally, we stop at the gas station to grab some liquid refreshment. Chicken notices a little stand that says Peterson's Gourmet Nuts and Seeds. Of course this sparks a conversation perfectly suited for Sam's Stories.
Chicken: "Would you like your nuts hairy or well shaved? Would you like 5 or 6 inches? Maybe 7 or 8? How about 2 1/2? Actually I don't know how long mine is, and I don't want to know. Measuring it would be a total waste of a ruler."
In case you're wondering why Chicken would be talking about shaving one's nuts, go here and see for yourself. Explore the whole site, it's fucking hilarious and completely real. H3.2 was so enamored by the site that he bought one. It works, although we haven't shaved his ass. We're saving that for a special occasion.
posted by Sam at
1:19 PM
10 Comments:
Chicken sees a chiropractor?? I don't even get to see a chiroprator.
Sam, that boy is wise beyond his years. Un-freaking-believable. And that comment about lengths? Pissing myself. Loved the video too. Going to have to show that one to Hubs.
LoL @ aunt flow.. and it read funny too.. chicken aunt flow. wtf?! chicken aunt flow?! LOL.. oh man. don't mind me. i'm mental and so ready to leave work
I would love to just sit around and listen to you and chicken..
Oh yeah..and I am totally not forgetting that you promised me naked pics. :)
Glad to hear you and Chicken had a great day out. Your son cracks me up with some of the stuff he comes up with. You are so lucky to have such an amazing and bright child. Have a good weekend, Sam~
PS. I forgot to tell you I loved the site.
Okay, that site is definitely not something to be visiting when your mother-in-law is in the room with you!
OMG.
And "hairy" nuts? Eeeek.
Just so you know - that site caused QUITE the uproar in my household. Who ever that guys is on it - he acts EXACTLY like my husband. It WAS the King of Annaland on it. Period.
And yes, he is THAT fixated on being well groomed. It is a major major issue for him.
I think he may be gay.
Wait - I know he is.
That was hilarious!
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