Bloody Vagina
My Darling Uterus,
For the past 9 1/2 years I haven't needed your services. I have attempted to cancel my subscription to your services, with every intention to utilize you again some day. However, your customer service representatives have repeatedly ignored my calls and letters. At this time I do not wish to receive monthly blood baths and torrential streams of clots which cling between my sweet toes. I do not need you.
I have tried patches, pills and shots to lessen your flow to no avail. Please, Uterus, just stop. The cramping, leg aches and drippage are irritating at the very least. The horrendous mood swings before you empty the vaults of babydom are driving my family members to ever increasing insanity. I heard my child plotting to commit me the other day. I blame you.
As a 32 year old unmarried woman with a nine year old child, I may never use your services again. That does not mean I don't harbor fond memories of the times you cradled a child in your smushy, life-giving grasp. I merely am looking at the cold hard facts. No one is standing in line to impregnate me, so just give it up.
Please, I beseech you. We can even compromise with a minorly painful period that lasts fewer than seven days. I cannot bend on the premenstrual syndrome, however. It must be gone before homicide is committed either by me or one of my loved ones.
Yours Truly,
Sam
AKA the body that you fuck up every month
For the past 9 1/2 years I haven't needed your services. I have attempted to cancel my subscription to your services, with every intention to utilize you again some day. However, your customer service representatives have repeatedly ignored my calls and letters. At this time I do not wish to receive monthly blood baths and torrential streams of clots which cling between my sweet toes. I do not need you.
I have tried patches, pills and shots to lessen your flow to no avail. Please, Uterus, just stop. The cramping, leg aches and drippage are irritating at the very least. The horrendous mood swings before you empty the vaults of babydom are driving my family members to ever increasing insanity. I heard my child plotting to commit me the other day. I blame you.
As a 32 year old unmarried woman with a nine year old child, I may never use your services again. That does not mean I don't harbor fond memories of the times you cradled a child in your smushy, life-giving grasp. I merely am looking at the cold hard facts. No one is standing in line to impregnate me, so just give it up.
Please, I beseech you. We can even compromise with a minorly painful period that lasts fewer than seven days. I cannot bend on the premenstrual syndrome, however. It must be gone before homicide is committed either by me or one of my loved ones.
Yours Truly,
Sam
AKA the body that you fuck up every month
posted by Sam at
12:01 AM
13 Comments:
You poor thing! I know all women go thru this but yours sound really really bad.
hope ur uterus complies
xxx
Wow, even my sister's problems were eased with the shot. Sorry you've got it so rough. Feel better soon.
Reading your post brings back memories for me. I can totally sympathize with you. Hope your tummy feels better soon.
Who said suitors weren't lining up to impregnate you? It's probably for the best considering the world would not be able to comprehend the perfection of our offspring.
My kids are still cuter...=p
*gulp* hope the customer service folks help you out before you run amok with a shotgun!
OH MY GOD. You are my sister. My long lost bleeding-like-she's-been-gutted sister.
Amen. Amen. A-fucking-men.
I swear by Seasonale. At least that way the raging and bleeding only come around every three months.
had one so bad once, went to the er - i lost so much blood that if i stood up, i would pass out - not enough blood in my body. i needed a transfusion.
it was THE worst medical experience of my life.
and for what? i hate the thought of being knocked up. i bleed for nuthin' right along with you.
it's a crime.
Before this becomes a mush of "HUH HUH HUH I WANNA BONE YA SAM" comments.
I would just like to state that it is not due to there being no suitors lined up but more being it is not the time for such a step (pregnancy). As I am sure everyone realizes there are multiple things that need to be considered, achieved and become stable before that step.
I was going to say that the obvious solution was to get married (to H3.2, whom you seem to have a pretty good fix on) and then get pregnant (in that order). But then H3.2 had to pipe up and ruin my line. Thanks!
like jennifer said, try seasonale. you have 4 periods per year.
i skip the last week of pills (the placebo ones) in my packs. i skip them in every other pack. (does this make sense? i hope so.) it allows me to have my "female" only every other month. very nice. and the boyf appreciates it too.
i tried the seasonale thing and my body rebelled. we compromised at every-other-month.
i know you said you have tried pills, but maybe not this particular strategy. just trying to help.
all women can relate. i'm just glad i didn't get to the point that anna did. sheesh! at least mine are just accompanied by migraines.
which suck.
uggggggg.
LOVE this and i have a similar post planned. or started whatever i just haven't put it up.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home