Profanity
I'm a weird mother, it is true. I pick and choose the parenting rules that I believe will lead to a happy, well-adjusted child. A child that is given guidelines and ultimately thinks for himself about what is right or wrong. My parenting style is a mish-mash of super strict and extremely lenient, depending on the situation. For example:
No caffeine. There is absolutely no reason for Chicken to become addicted to caffeine at the age of nine.
Bedtime is 8:30, even on weekends. During the summer I will usually bump it to 9:00. I can't believe how many friends Chicken has that stay up to ten or eleven. It's insane. Their school starts at 7:45am, how can they get enough sleep?
No movies beyond PG rating, and even then sometimes I will veto something if the content is too adult. No violent cartoons. No The Simpsons. No adult television.
I encourage Chicken to go to church with his grandmother every week. I believe many good values are taught in church, and I'm always here to discuss anything he doesn't understand.
On the other hand...
If I'm having a glass of wine with dinner and Chicken wants a sip, I'll let him have one. Of course, I drink wine with dinner about 4 times a year. My goal of becoming a raging alcoholic has not yet been realized. I'm working on it, really I am.
I've openly discussed topics with Chicken as I feel that he is ready. He knows about the birds and the bees, abortion and STD's. However, he knows the basics. I don't feel that he's ready to talk about eating pussy. Fuck, I'm not ready to talk about eating pussy. He knows that sometimes teenagers have sex but that I think sex is something you don't do until you're an adult. Will I change my toon when he's a teenager? Yes and no. I don't think teenagers should have sex, but I did. I'd prefer he waited but I'll be there if he doesn't.
Chicken and I have discussed rasism, religion and homosexuality. We've talked about drugs and the pros and cons of medicinal marijuana. He actually read an article in the New Yorker about that topic in the waiting room of a doctor's office.
As far as profanity goes, I have specific rules that Chicken follows or faces the consequences. He's not allowed to cuss in public. If he starts using a word frequently, I ask him to pick a different word to illustrate his opinion or feelings. I tell him that cussing all the time stunts your vocabulary and makes you sound stupid.
Do I cuss if front of him? Um, yeah. Probably too much. And his father (who has been in town for the last two weeks) cusses like a sailor. Well, shit he is a sailor so I guess he's entitled. However, I have a pretty damn broad vocabulary because I used to read books before I became addicted to reading blogs. From what I've read out in blogland, my vocabulary still kicks your vocabulary's ass nine out of ten times. That's 90% ass-kickage my friends.
Chicken has been grounded for cussing before, but only after being warned that he was abusing a word. In the case of the call dropping I heartily agree with his choice of words. This house is like a cell signal black hole and we don't have a land line. It is especially frustrating when you're trying to talk to someone who doesn't have a good signal either. And when you're trying to talk to your dad (that you rarely see) and the call drops a zillion times, you get frustrated. Hence, "the fucking call was lost."
P.S. I have never received a call/note from any of Chicken's teachers about him cussing. Ever. He's got a damn good filter, that kid.
No caffeine. There is absolutely no reason for Chicken to become addicted to caffeine at the age of nine.
Bedtime is 8:30, even on weekends. During the summer I will usually bump it to 9:00. I can't believe how many friends Chicken has that stay up to ten or eleven. It's insane. Their school starts at 7:45am, how can they get enough sleep?
No movies beyond PG rating, and even then sometimes I will veto something if the content is too adult. No violent cartoons. No The Simpsons. No adult television.
I encourage Chicken to go to church with his grandmother every week. I believe many good values are taught in church, and I'm always here to discuss anything he doesn't understand.
On the other hand...
If I'm having a glass of wine with dinner and Chicken wants a sip, I'll let him have one. Of course, I drink wine with dinner about 4 times a year. My goal of becoming a raging alcoholic has not yet been realized. I'm working on it, really I am.
I've openly discussed topics with Chicken as I feel that he is ready. He knows about the birds and the bees, abortion and STD's. However, he knows the basics. I don't feel that he's ready to talk about eating pussy. Fuck, I'm not ready to talk about eating pussy. He knows that sometimes teenagers have sex but that I think sex is something you don't do until you're an adult. Will I change my toon when he's a teenager? Yes and no. I don't think teenagers should have sex, but I did. I'd prefer he waited but I'll be there if he doesn't.
Chicken and I have discussed rasism, religion and homosexuality. We've talked about drugs and the pros and cons of medicinal marijuana. He actually read an article in the New Yorker about that topic in the waiting room of a doctor's office.
As far as profanity goes, I have specific rules that Chicken follows or faces the consequences. He's not allowed to cuss in public. If he starts using a word frequently, I ask him to pick a different word to illustrate his opinion or feelings. I tell him that cussing all the time stunts your vocabulary and makes you sound stupid.
Do I cuss if front of him? Um, yeah. Probably too much. And his father (who has been in town for the last two weeks) cusses like a sailor. Well, shit he is a sailor so I guess he's entitled. However, I have a pretty damn broad vocabulary because I used to read books before I became addicted to reading blogs. From what I've read out in blogland, my vocabulary still kicks your vocabulary's ass nine out of ten times. That's 90% ass-kickage my friends.
Chicken has been grounded for cussing before, but only after being warned that he was abusing a word. In the case of the call dropping I heartily agree with his choice of words. This house is like a cell signal black hole and we don't have a land line. It is especially frustrating when you're trying to talk to someone who doesn't have a good signal either. And when you're trying to talk to your dad (that you rarely see) and the call drops a zillion times, you get frustrated. Hence, "the fucking call was lost."
P.S. I have never received a call/note from any of Chicken's teachers about him cussing. Ever. He's got a damn good filter, that kid.
posted by Sam at
6:39 PM
14 Comments:
All in moderation. That's my motto. My daughter says 'crap' and 'sucks, and I'm cool with that. If we can't express ourselves in language, how are we supposed to let go of our anger and frustration. Saying 'well shucks' and 'I feel sad', just doesn't cut it. Imagine if I couldn't say goddamnmotherfuckingpieceofshitwhore. That would make me really, really sad.
Yeah, you're a pretty good parent. I've always found it interesting and Chicken is a good kid. :)
I believe that I started a whole other blog so that I could say fuck and pussy without my mom getting her underwear in a knot.
You are a good mom, who does her best under difficult circumstances. Chicken will grow up to be a good man. A good man who isn't afraid of using language to express himself.
I hope that you don't feel like you were being judged by anyone.
First of all, I think you're doing just fine. I don't agree with everything you have said has happened between you and your son, but I don't judge, either. In most situations, the parent is really the best person to determine how to bring up a child. You and I do not interact with each other except through blogging and an occassional e-mail. I don't know you more than what you've allowed to be shown through your blog. I certainly don't know your son. Who the hell am I to tell you how to parent him? Who the hell is anyone to tell you how to parent him? You are the only one who can know the best way to bring up your son because you know him best.
I would suggest one thing, though. You mention that you encourage him to go to church with his grandmother. You say this because you believe many good values are taught in church. I, personally, can not agree more. I would encourage the same for you, if you're not already going. It can not only be a comfort to you, but would be an excellent example to Chicken.
Just a thought. Keep up the good work.
The fact that you give serious thought to how you raise your son shows that you care and you're doing the best you can. That's all anyone can ask from a mother. Keep up the good work.
Sounds like you have everything under control. I am right with you on the bedtime thing. Some people let their kids stay up as late as they want on weekends, then wonder why they can't sleep sunday night! We go to bed at 8 here, and that may change as they get older. My oldest has so many sleep issues, I don't move it around much if I can help it. Although I do switch it to 9 in the summer, because it is daylight until 9! I start pushing it back a couple of weeks before school starts, 845, 830, 815, then 8. It works better for her.
It is really neat how open you are with Chicken about sex, and other adult issues. I try to be like that with mine, but her maturity level emotionally curbs some of it. We will get to everything over time I guess!
Pmans current favorite word is asshole...
at least he uses it correctly...although not all of the time is it really necessary...
*sigh*
peace...
You may not get any awards for mother of the year, but you'd have my vote.
You seem like you have everything under control. I think you are doing well as a parent. I completely agree with the bedtime. My girls were in bed by 8:30 until they were in highschool. I think Chicken will grow up to be an outstanding young man.
You seem to have the same child rearing (heh-heh) techniques that I used. When my daughter was the "goth princess" during middle-school, and then going thru her "Poe and Plath" period in high school -- most people thought I was insane -- and would tell me that I needed to MAKE her NORMAL. But I knew she was fine and simply discovering herself.
She will graduate from college next year.
Keep on doing what yer doing!!
I think that Chicken is lucky. He has boundries..and they make sense.
I guess I was wrong about Chicken testing his boundaries (I assumed that based on what I've experienced in my life). He just knows how to express himself.
Growing up our parents wouldn't let us "crap", "fart", "sucks" or any of the benign words that everyone says today. So I let my kids. DRIVES MY MOTHER UP THE FUCKING WALLS! And that makes me happy.
If my parents had let me cuss when I was a kid I wouldn't have the filthy-ass mouth I have today. I'm sure of it.
i don't think you are a weird mom. every parent has different priorities. in some homes, bedtime is flexible, but language is not. or sips are ok and junk food is not. whatever. as long as you are making sure he doesn't grow up to be a delinquent loser with no manners, you're doing ok in my book. :)
more power to ya, Sam. sorry if i sounded judgemental. my parents were really harsh on the language thing, that's all. i wish they were harsher on the "healthy eating" front because now i have a fat ass. and i still cuss anyway.
i wish my parents weren't so victorian in their feelings about sex. TO THIS DAY i never had the birds and bees talk with my parents. the only thing they said was "don't." so i learned everything i know from my friends, biology class, and some books. so now i can't talk about any of it with my mom. my dad died with his fingers crossed that i was a virgin.
to their credit, they did say "if anything bad ever happens to you, just remember that we will always love you no matter what you do or how bad you screw up."
i'm not going to be like that. kids need someone to talk to about sexuality. i'm glad you are making chicken feel comfy bringing up stuff like that.
chicken sounds very book smart, street smart and sweet. you seem to be doing a good job to me.
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