Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!
Before continuing our previously scheduled blog filled with hilarity and words like fuck and shit, I would like to address my previous post (written while filled with a furious rage like no fury has ever seen furiously furied) in a calm and rational manner. First, if you haven't read The Hardest Thing (a post I wrote in September), please take a moment and read it. I'll wait.
First I'd like to make several things VERY clear:
1. I've never had an abortion.
2. I don't think I ever could.
3. I think you are killing a baby when you have an abortion.
Sounds pretty pro-life, huh? I'm pro-choice, though. Just wait... and consider if you will the following scenarios:
A homeless female drug addict gets pregnant. Or better yet, a non-caucasian homeless female drug addict gets pregnant. She can't get clean, however she does "the right thing" and decides to give the baby up for adoption. She delivers a non-caucasian baby that is addicted to drugs. The market for drug-addicted non-white babies is BOOMING let me tell you. Couples are lining the streets begging for those kids. You can say that she shouldn't have sex, she should have used protection... shoulda coulda woulda. Does that baby have any chance of a normal life? Does your average family want to take that baby (white/black/asian/hispanic/etc.) into their lives? Nope. Does this suck? Yes. Is it the truth? Most certainly.
A girl is 12. She is pregnant. She cannot raise the child. She is a child. She gives the child up for adoption because she cannot get an abortion. She spends the REST of her life with a hole in her heart. She is more likely than her peers to get pregnant again within several years in an attempt to fill the emptiness. Yes, having an abortion can cause emotional scars. Try carrying a child for almost a year and walking away. Deal with it when you're still a child yourself.
A female has 3 kids and is married. They are JUST making it financially. They are using birth control. She gets pregnant. Another child will push them over the edge. They might become homeless.
A young, adult single woman gets pregnant. She cannot legally get an abortion. She keeps the baby. She resents the child for the REST of his/her life and passes on a cycle of abuse and resentment.
A woman gets pregnant. She wants an abortion. She backs out at the last minute. She has her baby. She loves him/her and is thankful she didn't do it.
A woman gets pregnant. She has an abortion. She regrets it for the rest of her life.
A woman gets pregnant she has an abortion. Something goes terribly wrong. She dies along with the baby.
A woman gets pregnant and gets an abortion. And another. And another. And another. Hey- it's birth control!
I don't like abortion, however I believe that it should be an option. I believe it HAS to be an option.
Important Sidenote:
Chicken was just craning his head around the laptop to see what I'm posting about as I share some of my posts with him. I told him that I didn't want to share this post with him. Then I thought about it further. I explained abortion and the first thing he said was "BAD!" Then I said "What if I got pregnant right now?" Chicken happily yelped "Baby sister!" I added, "and H3.2 bailed on us? Do you know how expensive babies are?" He got quiet. I said "How would I take care of us?" He thought a moment and said with emotion, "Sorry, baby, but we need to press the 'escape' button." Think about that for a moment.
We continued to talk about babies and how different people feel about abortion. We talked about some of the situations listed above. I told him (as always) that "This is how I feel, and you have to make up your own mind about how YOU feel about it."
And that's what I ask of you: Make up your own mind. However, think of all the people out there that need this choice. It might be you someday.
And to anonymous (not Tob): Why do I care about South Dakota? Because the purpose of the law is to start the ball rolling... rolling across the whole of the United States. To overturn Roe v. Wade. To end every American's ability to decide for themselves whether abortion is right FOR THEM.
To all of you "Dear Readers" that didn't start a comments war on each other: Thank you. Thank you for being tolerant. We're all different and we're all people. Now, back to our regularly scheduled Sam's Stories.
First I'd like to make several things VERY clear:
1. I've never had an abortion.
2. I don't think I ever could.
3. I think you are killing a baby when you have an abortion.
Sounds pretty pro-life, huh? I'm pro-choice, though. Just wait... and consider if you will the following scenarios:
A homeless female drug addict gets pregnant. Or better yet, a non-caucasian homeless female drug addict gets pregnant. She can't get clean, however she does "the right thing" and decides to give the baby up for adoption. She delivers a non-caucasian baby that is addicted to drugs. The market for drug-addicted non-white babies is BOOMING let me tell you. Couples are lining the streets begging for those kids. You can say that she shouldn't have sex, she should have used protection... shoulda coulda woulda. Does that baby have any chance of a normal life? Does your average family want to take that baby (white/black/asian/hispanic/etc.) into their lives? Nope. Does this suck? Yes. Is it the truth? Most certainly.
A girl is 12. She is pregnant. She cannot raise the child. She is a child. She gives the child up for adoption because she cannot get an abortion. She spends the REST of her life with a hole in her heart. She is more likely than her peers to get pregnant again within several years in an attempt to fill the emptiness. Yes, having an abortion can cause emotional scars. Try carrying a child for almost a year and walking away. Deal with it when you're still a child yourself.
A female has 3 kids and is married. They are JUST making it financially. They are using birth control. She gets pregnant. Another child will push them over the edge. They might become homeless.
A young, adult single woman gets pregnant. She cannot legally get an abortion. She keeps the baby. She resents the child for the REST of his/her life and passes on a cycle of abuse and resentment.
A woman gets pregnant. She wants an abortion. She backs out at the last minute. She has her baby. She loves him/her and is thankful she didn't do it.
A woman gets pregnant. She has an abortion. She regrets it for the rest of her life.
A woman gets pregnant she has an abortion. Something goes terribly wrong. She dies along with the baby.
A woman gets pregnant and gets an abortion. And another. And another. And another. Hey- it's birth control!
I don't like abortion, however I believe that it should be an option. I believe it HAS to be an option.
Important Sidenote:
Chicken was just craning his head around the laptop to see what I'm posting about as I share some of my posts with him. I told him that I didn't want to share this post with him. Then I thought about it further. I explained abortion and the first thing he said was "BAD!" Then I said "What if I got pregnant right now?" Chicken happily yelped "Baby sister!" I added, "and H3.2 bailed on us? Do you know how expensive babies are?" He got quiet. I said "How would I take care of us?" He thought a moment and said with emotion, "Sorry, baby, but we need to press the 'escape' button." Think about that for a moment.
We continued to talk about babies and how different people feel about abortion. We talked about some of the situations listed above. I told him (as always) that "This is how I feel, and you have to make up your own mind about how YOU feel about it."
And that's what I ask of you: Make up your own mind. However, think of all the people out there that need this choice. It might be you someday.
And to anonymous (not Tob): Why do I care about South Dakota? Because the purpose of the law is to start the ball rolling... rolling across the whole of the United States. To overturn Roe v. Wade. To end every American's ability to decide for themselves whether abortion is right FOR THEM.
To all of you "Dear Readers" that didn't start a comments war on each other: Thank you. Thank you for being tolerant. We're all different and we're all people. Now, back to our regularly scheduled Sam's Stories.
posted by Sam at
7:04 PM
14 Comments:
Sam, I didn't comment yesterday because this is so personal to me. I, too, was an unwed, teenage mom. I wasn't as brave as you were. I kept my child. I do not regret it and I believe she had a good life, although to ask her, she would say differently. I am Catholic and I grew up believing that abortion is a sin and murder. And I still believe that. So I will never have one. However, there are situations--rape, incest, medical necessity--in which I believe abortion acceptable. What has changed my view, then, from pro life to pro choice, is that I don't think that it should ever be up to the government to make the decision about whether it is acceptable or necessary for those reasons such as medical necessity. It gets to be really muddy if we involve the government in medical decisions. Take it from me, I am a former nurse who has dealt with that in the past.
Sam, I am so impressed with the decision you made back then. I am sure it wasn't easy then and that it doesn't get easier with time. You must miss him every day. I am sorry that your mom wasn't there for you. My heart breaks a little for the girl you were then.
An update on my child that I had at 18--she got pregnant at 16 and gave me a beautiful granddaughter. She is struggling with being a parent and so I end up being Belle's parent most of the time.
Sorry for the blog novel.
I have never had an abortion and not sure I could either, however, I am Pro Choice for all the scenarios you just gave. Plus I agree with Shelli. I don't think it should EVER be up to the government to tell a woman whether she can have an abortion or not. That is a decision that is totally up to the woman to decide.
I blove ya' - I've been gone so long due to work, but I would expect nothing less from my Sam. Give Chicken hugs & kisses from me - his future mother-in-law.
I fully believe that allowing another family to adopt a child is a better choice than abortion - if it's a possibility. Sometimes, as is mentioned here, it's not possible. Sometimes abortion is really the only option.
This is actually pretty hard for me, because while I support free agency, I believe abortion to be sinful in most cases Like Shelli, I think there are times when it is necessary. I'm not sure how I feel about it being a legislated issue, though. I'm very much on the fence with it, similarly to the whole same-sex marriage thing. But that's a whole different issue which I'll not get into here.
So, for me, it's always been a tough choice. Do I support the right for women to choose, or do I support the pro-lifers? I support both. It's very difficult for me to go only one way or the other.
I have always been pro-choice but after having kids myself I've become more pickier about the circumstances.
I cannot agree with women who had multiple abortions out of laziness to get a effective anti-conception product.
I cannot stand women who wait to long to have an abortion. Once you find out you're pregnant and do not or can not have this child, act on it. Don't wait till the fetus 5 months old!
Personally, especially after having giving birth, I cannot imagine to give a child up for abortion. Both abortion and adoption are emotionally hard on the mother. I have the feeling most people decide adoption is the better choice for the child but forget about the emotional impact it has on the mother. Having had someone in your body for 9 months, no way I could ever hand that baby over to someone else.
I think it it fantastic that Sam has a great relationship with the adoption family but this scenario is mostly not the case. I also believe many teens get pressured into what their parents want instead of themselves....
It remains a though choice I wish I never have to make. But I like to have the option to choose and not have some republican politician force me to carry the baby fullterm because of their religious beliefs!
sorry for the rant..
My grandmother and I discussed this once. She told me although she would have never had one, she remembers before it was legal, and the girls that went to have illegal ones and then couldn't have children after that, or worse. It should be a personal choice, and the government should butt out. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it.
I also think it is so great how you discussed it with Chicken. You're an awesome Mom.
Sam, I think you are awesome.
I just wanted to say that I'm impressed with the quality of your readership. When I read your post yesterday I figured a not so nice blog war was on the way and I was going to stay out of it. I come back today and you have written a thought provoking post and your readers have all added well-reasoned comments. And everyone has done it in such a mature way.
I bet the politicians won't be able to have such an open discussion. Too bad.
I've posted this saying before but it seems apropos here, too.
The scariest words in the english language are, "I'm from the government and I'm here to help."
-Ronald Reagan
I don't care what some people might say. This is not an easy issue. I understand your stance on abortion and don't see it as totally inconsistent with being pro-choice. Pro-choice/pro-life is not purely about the act, but can be a jurisdictional question on whther there should be a state law in the area., I agree with you: abortion is a terribly unfortunate (maybe sometimes necessary) option, but should not be legally banned.
You adoption story is wrenching. You have so much courage. I applaud your father who must love you very much. I can understnad not approving of what my children do, but I can never dream of alienating my children or dening my love.
I don't what to say other than: you are right, you have courage, and you are beautiful.
I think ending legal abortion would bring about the same results as other things that have been deemed illegal by the government. Look at prohibition- that didn't end alcohol production, but just put into the hands of people interested in making a quick and illegal profit. Abortion, like alcohol, wouldn't go away, but would intead be remanded to illegal and dangerous backstreet operations performed by unscrupulous individuals without proper medical training.
Like many of the others who have left comments, I don't think *I* could ever get an abortion, but I don't ever want to relinquish that right to the federal government. These are people who I don't trust handling our national budget- let alone making decisions about the bodies (and emotional well-being) of female constituents.
If something traumatic were to happen to me, I'd at least want a choice. If nothing else, it would allow me to cherish the child I decided to bear without having the feeling that I was forced into it.
Excellent intelligent discussion...
I'm from South Dakota, and i totally agree with you on the abortion issue. (although i don't agree with the fuck you south dakota part ha) I haven't heard a lot about this law being passed, but i'm with you on the pro choice opinion. Since South Dakota is such a, i guess you could say sheltered state, living here you don't here too much about abortions. I know a couple young girls who have had them here, but everything is very hush hushed about it. I supported their decsion to have one, because i don't think they were mature enought to ever handle a child, and I wouldn't want that child to suffer. I think your examples about abortions were very good, maybe you should come tell all the stubron headed people here about it!ha
just for the record -
i love this post...
you so fucking rock...i cannot wait to meet you and Chicken...
peace...
Hey Sam,
I have always been pro choice. A few of my childhood girl-friends, got pregnant before they got out of high school, so I understand.But I also think that this ruling however dangerous it is, must be looked at critically.
Maybe its time for boys and girls and men and women to "get responsible" for those who can make the choice "not to have sex OR use contraception."
I know living in the U.S. we think that everyone is so victimized, not so. people want to do what they do and not have any responsability or culpability in making babies. TOO MANY babies have come from underage sex acts of young girls doing the nasty with boys with over exaggerated sex drives. And it is a badge of courage for young men in women to have sex ... lets be realistic about this truth. Ive seen many of my friends become parents as children, which is tragic in some cases. A few girls I knew were sent off to farms in texas to have their children only to give them up for adoption after the fact, sent away because family could not or did not want to deal with them.
I think Americans believe they are entitled to do what they please with their bodies and that is all well and good, but when do we hold you accountable for your actions? Outside the perview of life endangerment and rape or medical illness or the welfare of the mothers carrying children?
Now I live abroad and see things for what they really are in the U.S. so many young people AND adults making babies "just for the hell of it sex acts," oh she can always get an abortion, not my problem, I don't have to be responsible.
This IS and has been for decades a social PROBLEM, and a RACIAL problem and a religious PROBLEM and a personal PROBLEM.
If you don't want children or if you dont want to face the piper with your DECISION to have sex, because it all comes down to a choice really!!! THEN DONT HAVE SEX for gods sakes.
We could stem population growth by teaching abstinence and birth control and if adults in the U.S. were more pro-active in the lives of their children in most cases, then their little girls would not have to have sex outside of marriage and little boys could be kept on short leashes, but because of the climate of work and busy adult lives and the fact that I grew up in a world where adults did not care WHAT their sons or daughters were doing, we'd have alot less unwanted children and irresponsible parents and grandparents.
SEX is a choice
Making babies is a choice
NOT having sex is a choice
Birth control is a choice
Abortion is a choice....
BUT, for so many decades the U.S. has tried to legislate the rights of women and their bodies, YET men and women, boys and girls continue this perpetuation of SEX, SEX and more SEX...
and their actions go unpunished or UN-changed.
The culture of the U.S. is of entitlement and privelege, just because they are a superpower and Americans are all good and right and responsible!
NOT NOT NOT !!!
Unwanted babies CAN be avoided if two people choose not to have sex, and it is up to the adults and parents to start the dialogue with young people to change the tide of unwanted pregnancies because this has gone on for decades un-spoken and not dealt with correctly.
You play - You pay !!
It all comes down to a choice.
It is time to become responsible for your choices. Come on, how many couples play russian roulette with their bodies?
I'm hiv poz so I know about this topic.
And I am not the pot calling the kettle black. I know how i was infected.
Teenagers and sex education was NOT productive or emphasized enough AT HOME or in the schools where it should have been, alas, the adults of the past generations were inattentive and irresponsible to affect change in the lives of those who mattered the most, all because of work, adult issues, all of my friends parents were divorced and my parents were alcoholics and not present as they should have been.
Rape - incest and other situations deserve special attention, because no woman wants to bear a child out of a rape situation, so that door needs to be kept open. Medical anomalies are also necessary procedures.
But really, its time to instill a little responsibility and accountability to the citizens of the U.S. and worldwide. Sex is not free and children are not cheap. so if you dont wanna take care of them then dont produce them, its as simple as that. If you can't relate without the "procreate," and you can't use either abstinence or B.C. then you are just stupid. Babies or Aids, babies and Aids, two subjects dear to my heart, and so many men getting ways with irresponsibility and murder...
We need a cultural revolution world wide and perspectives on reproduction need to change. Education and proper adult supervision of the lives of children and young people needs to be stepped up because right now parents are getting a failing grade in parenting in most cases, seeing I work with addicted young people and boys without fathers, my plate is full and I am not judging, just making a very healthy observation looking back at where I come from.
Americans have had it too easy, and its time to buck up and start paying attention to lives and the creation and aborting of life. Adults have gotten away with inattention for way too long.
Children coming from broken homes having children as children is a travesty and speaks of the way OUR parents and they themselves were treated or not treated by their parents. This problem is not new, just like the gay iussue is not new. Societies in America are screwed up and i admit things are screwed up here as well, but we help those we can here, and there for those who will listen.
Sad really, the world has come to this, when all of this could have been avoided had adults of previous generations took the time to do the right thing instead of nothing at all....
Hmm. I think you know my view on abortion. I always thought it'd be hypocritcal if I believed in it and on top of that, I'm a tad religious. But, anyways...
I think abortion should be a consideration if the mother is in danger health wise or if a woman is raped (no consent or freewill).. the problem is this.. (other than if the woman is in danger of dying).. there are so many people out there that want children and can't for one reason and another. Even if you couldn't bear to look at the child, I think the child still may have the right to live.
I toter (is that a word?) on this part of it. I just don't believe in using it as a birth control method. I think that's crap.
Anyways, I'm not sure if I could ever have one. I keep thinking my parents could have easily killed me for too many reasons to name. I don't think RvsW will ever get overturned, there are always exceptions to the rule out there.
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