Dildo
Television is a substitute for living real life. Due to my stellar health, television has become much of my life. Or at least the part that hasn't been infiltrated by blogs, parenting and H3.2. Like the various sexual devices on the market, television can give you the illusion that you're really doing it. You believe you're interacting, forming relationships and discussing interesting books when truly you're just jerking off into empty space.
I've had several thoughts regarding television lately, and I'm sure that none of them are original. The first is American Idol's feud between Paula and Asslick Simon. I have seen enough press featuring the two of them disagreeing and fighting and blah blah blah to choke a fucking horse. Isn't that the point? To get people to watch the show, wondering if THIS episode is the one where Simon either: a) Fucks Paula up or b) Fucks Paula.
The other thought occured while watching Oprah. She began her show by addressing the reams of mail she had received about her hair. Apparently she had relaxed her hair and then taped several shows before perming it again. Her hair was flat and straight. This so disturbed her legions of viewers that they WROTE HER and asked WHAT THE FUCK was up with her hair. Who does this? Who sends someone that they do not know a letter complaining about their hair? Who has that kind of time on their hands?
In more interesting news, Ewe Girl and I were discussing crows today, because all the cool kids talk about crows on Tuesdays. As we spoke about the general creepiness of crows Ewe Girl mentioned that crows will pluck out and eat the eyes of animal babies AS THEY ARE BEING BORN. What is more horrible and disgusting than that? Ewe Girl and I started laughing hysterically at the thought of a poor animal mommy pushing out her baby, and then realizing that her newborn is MISSING EYEBALLS while the crow is sitting on the nearby fence smacking his beak and enjoying the freshest, most tender eyeballs EVER. Ewe Girl and I are going to be best friends in Hell.
House Quote
"You blow dry your hair?" Dr. House
"I'll be out of your hair tomorrow. What's left of it." Wilson
One more thing:
I have nothing for HNT yet. Any suggestions? (Keep in mind there are limits to what I will show you perverts)
I've had several thoughts regarding television lately, and I'm sure that none of them are original. The first is American Idol's feud between Paula and Asslick Simon. I have seen enough press featuring the two of them disagreeing and fighting and blah blah blah to choke a fucking horse. Isn't that the point? To get people to watch the show, wondering if THIS episode is the one where Simon either: a) Fucks Paula up or b) Fucks Paula.
The other thought occured while watching Oprah. She began her show by addressing the reams of mail she had received about her hair. Apparently she had relaxed her hair and then taped several shows before perming it again. Her hair was flat and straight. This so disturbed her legions of viewers that they WROTE HER and asked WHAT THE FUCK was up with her hair. Who does this? Who sends someone that they do not know a letter complaining about their hair? Who has that kind of time on their hands?
In more interesting news, Ewe Girl and I were discussing crows today, because all the cool kids talk about crows on Tuesdays. As we spoke about the general creepiness of crows Ewe Girl mentioned that crows will pluck out and eat the eyes of animal babies AS THEY ARE BEING BORN. What is more horrible and disgusting than that? Ewe Girl and I started laughing hysterically at the thought of a poor animal mommy pushing out her baby, and then realizing that her newborn is MISSING EYEBALLS while the crow is sitting on the nearby fence smacking his beak and enjoying the freshest, most tender eyeballs EVER. Ewe Girl and I are going to be best friends in Hell.
House Quote
"You blow dry your hair?" Dr. House
"I'll be out of your hair tomorrow. What's left of it." Wilson
One more thing:
I have nothing for HNT yet. Any suggestions? (Keep in mind there are limits to what I will show you perverts)
posted by Sam at
8:51 PM
16 Comments:
I find the eyeball discussion somewhat disturbing. But not nearly as disturbing as the idea that someone would actually care enough about Oprah's hair as to write to her about it. I don't care about Oprah, much less her hair. Unless she gives me a new car. Then I'll care about her all she wants me to.
For HNT how bout a pic of your hands? It would please the hand fetish ppl out there soooo much. Just my 2 cents.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
People that want to know about oprah's hair are people who think they are her friend because they watch her show.
The idea about hands for hnt is good.
How about another "jammie" shot?
Re: Oprah's hair - it's a cultural thing. A lot of black women prefer natural hair.
Re: best friends in hell. Can I visit?
Re: HNT. No idea. Cause I have no idea for mine.
*weeps* I thought you were going to be MY best friend in Hell!
I think I need to see the Scorpion Tattoo for HNT. Perhaps a little background on why you chose that particular arachnid?
ooh, i like tobiwan's idea!
yeah, i don't get why people even care about celebrities enough to take the time to do all that. i mean, i like a good celebrity gossip story, but not enough for it to take up my free time. or to care how they wear their hair!
i think oprah is the most shameless self-promoter on the planet. do you realize she has been on the cover of her OWN magazine for EACH issue? as if people don't know who she is or as if we aren't sick of looking at her or something! sheesh! what an ego maniac!
but i still love her. i mean, she IS oprah. she is a force in and of herself. just wish she'd tone it down a little.
thanks for the crow discussion. i will now spend the rest of the day researching that to see if it is true. i'll let you know. i love finding out stuff like this!!!
god, i'm such a dork.
How bout a pic of that racing stripe...errr. landing strip? lol
well, hey - we tell you we love your hair everytime you post a pic of it - I guess it's not THAT different to the world of people that haven't discovered the internet and are still relying on TV (grandmas)
oh - and your hands - that would be cool!
haha - and I suggested hands before I even read your comments! I rock!!!
Hands. In front of a wet t-shirt...
The crow discussion came from watching Oprah and hoping that you had your eyes removed.
I keep waiting to hear that there is a sex tape of her and Rosie. Maybe that is why she straitened her hair.
OK, first, I need to start watching House. Hugh whats-it is HOT. Hot I tell you. I've loved him since he guest-starred on one of the London episodes of Friends as a disgruntled airline passenger.
Second, TV sucks my ass. I watch American Idol but last night, for example, was the worst episode EVER. Total waste of time. Jacked off into the void fo' sho.
first of all the crow discussion totally disgusted me. If that was your goal: you succeeded!
Conc. Oprah: Her hair looks weird at times but to spend a whole episode discussing it? come on now! She has some good shows though, like about how women live in other parts of the world.
HNT: I like pics from neck and shoulders, sexy yet mysterious It helps you have nice long hair to partly cover up a shoulder
Aw, I liked:
“Awesome. A sex fiend with a swollen tongue. Think of all the places I can make Foreman search.”
And whatever Cameron said about 3somes. The looks on the guys faces were priceless!
Sigh...I love House. So much.
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