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I'd like to address two comments before I begin my actual post. Both are from Bornfool. First, he wished me "Happy VD". Is there such a thing? A catchy phrase one would find scrawled on the mirror in crimson lipstick after a night of cheap booze and cheaper hookers? The next was regarding my name in the Holy Shit post. I found Bornfool sobbing at my doorstep, unable to comprehend a world in which my name is not "Sam" and my son's name isn't "Chicken." He was ripping out great hunks of hair (from his back) and it took me many seconds to calm him down. For those of you that are tempted to do the same, please remember that my nickname in the real world is Sam, and I call my son Chicken each and every day. Leave your back hair alone.

Speaking of Valentine's Day H3.2 proved something yesterday, although I'm not sure what. Either:

A) He knows me.
or
B) He's really lucky.

Why? Because he bought me four things for Valentine's Day. A beautiful rose, an article of clothing (which might be featured in tomorrow 's edition of HNT), a heart (pictured on the left), and a heart-shaped box. The heart arrives in many pieces and requires soldering before it does its blinky thing.

According to ThinkGeek you are supposed to "create a lovely romantic knick knack" for your lady/hand. Whichever you are currently dating. My man gave me the option of having him put it together or doing it with me. Duh. As I have no previous soldering experience, I was fucking ecstatic at the prospect of putting this light-up heart together. Seriously. For any of you menfolk out there with geeky women, this gift will score major brownie points. See how excited my hands look as I solder over a Valentine's Day card? Rock on H3.2.

Also, some of you may have/not noticed that I tend to blog in spurts. No posts for a week, then I vomit up a veritable plethora of verbage/garbage. I know that "blogger rules" says that posting every day...blah blah blah. Fuck that. I post when I feel the urge. It's very similar to passing gas, actually. I only blog or talk about my blog with certain people. Sometimes the posts are great, sometimes they pollute the Internet. Sometimes I shit myself a little. Yeah, blogging is a lot like farting.

P.S. Someone I know has started a new blog. When I say someone "I know" I don't mean in the biblical sense, although we have joked about it in public just to make service people squirm/horny. This blogger is a real-life friend and one of the few that knows about "Sam's Stories". As she calls herself "LD2" that's what her name will be here, although I have no fucking clue what LD2 is... maybe it's a geek thing. Her comments are moderated, but go ahead and wish her well (please and thank you!)