Please Remove My Head

I'm sick. The kind of sick where you feel perfectly fine from the neck down, but the head portion feels like it is about to explode with snot. My ears are plugged, my nose is useless, and I am missing a birthday dinner and a baby shower today. This sucks. I'm also in the mood to scrapbook, however all my scrap shit is in my car and I'm too miserable to unload it. Therefore, I shall present you with several pictures that I am sure you will enjoy and we will pretend that I'm scrapbooking.
This is Dude. A fierce warrior cat that will hunt and catch a variety of wild creatures found in the hills and valleys of San Diego. When Dude isn't hunting, he is sleeping on someone. It doesn't really matter who he is sleeping on, as long as they know that any movement on their part will be repaid with a look of utter disgust, a yawn and a refusal to move. Dude appreciates water straight out of the faucet, Iams Weight Control cat food and having his belly rubbed. His greatest desire is to meet Gus and make sweet kitty love to her. If only he had balls they could have a happy bunch of gray kittens that would TAKE OVER THE WORLD. And fuck you Tom Cruise, you would not be able to stop them.

This tasty treat Dude brought into the house and deposited it next to his food bowl. I think he is trying to tell me that dry food is not exactly his preference, however I'm not about to hunt down the local rat population for his fat ass. Obviously this rat didn't make it to run and play another day, although I did bag and and throw it away in the kindest possible manner.

This one I caught in my living room after Dude brought it home to play. The damned thing hid under the couch, Dude forgot about it and WHAT THE FUCK I find a huge rat in my house. Don't worry PETA fans, this rat was taken outside to a secret location where I'm sure he/she lived a full and happy rat life. I humanly catch and release all live animals brought into my home.

You might be wondering: "What kind of rats are those?" I'm not sure, actually. I just know that in my area, these little buggers are the local flavor and many of them are stupid enough for my fat, lazy cat to catch and bring home to momma.

Would I actually scrapbook these rats? Hell, yes! During baby rat season, I've caught up to five a day in the house when Zada Satan Bitch cat was living here. I could spend days, no WEEKS discussing the various rat escapades in Sam's Place. However, with Zada Satan Bitch gone, Dude is limited in his outdoor time so this spring I think we will have a quieter, less rodenty season. I hope.

In other news, Madman is having a Ms. Blogger 2006 contest. Yes, I know that I'm a whore for contests. However, I was ASKED to participate in this stellar event. Madman is posting a new picture and bio every couple of days, and I've been told that mine is going to be last. You vote by leaving any sort of comment under the post. You can even say "Fuck that bitch, she's stupid and lazy and her nose doesn't function worth a damn" and it will count as a vote.

I recycled an HNT photo for the contest per Madman's request, some of you may remember my "sleeping with Dude" (the only full facial I've posted here). Madman wrote some of the bios, however I penned my own. I looked up Playboy's Playmate data sheets and wrote mine to follow their format, completed with "Turn-offs" and "Turn-ons". It looks like I'll only need about 30 votes to win, so I'm fairly optimistic that I can pull this one off. I'll keep you all posted as to when my entry is up.

Update: SOME people said that Dude is bringing in mice, not rats (Nessa!!). Which implies that I don't know a fucking rat when I see one. HA! I searched Mr. Google for rats in San Diego, and I found that Dude's little playmates are wood rats. I have a picture of a wood rat for your viewing pleasure. Take it back Nessa or I'm going to spank you!