Happy Birthday To Me, I Smell Like Pee-pee...
World's Biggest Fucking Hugest Pet Peeve:
When you are watching television with someone *ahem* and they are also doing something else (Fucking Internets) and they miss something critical on the show... and they interrupt the show (still playing) and ask "WHAT HAPPENED?" If you wanted to know, I suggest you watch THE FUCKING SHOW. I'm just saying, not to anyone specific (H3.2) or during any show specifically (Greys Anatomy) or any time specific (right now). That's all.
As I was saying, H3.2 and I are watching Greys Anatomy (and he's paying attention for one moment) when Addison starts crying and Bailey's milk lets down. For those of you that don't watch one of my favoritest (Sam's word of the day) shows, Bailey is a nursing mommy with a brand-spanking new baby. Addison's tears involve peeing and poison oak AKA bad itchy shit that you shouldn't squat over.
H3.2 is shocked/appalled/freaked out that crying = milk production. I'm not sure how bad it is for most mothers, however I can tell you that my mammaries could have supplied milk to half the country and still have enough left over for Chicken and my morning coffee. This means, to you non-nursing women/men that when a baby (any baby) cried my boobies were ready/overflowing/turning my day into a wet T-shirt contest. H3.2 remarks: "What the hell, that is such a bad design." Dude, it's nature. How about those freakin' "nocturnal emissions", huh big boy? Like that's convenient. No vaginas around to impregnate and you're shooting a load into your sheets. Bah. Bad design.
Favorite Line from tonight's show? "Baby Trumps Husband"
Sidenote: Um Toby? Read the previous post please n thank you.
When you are watching television with someone *ahem* and they are also doing something else (Fucking Internets) and they miss something critical on the show... and they interrupt the show (still playing) and ask "WHAT HAPPENED?" If you wanted to know, I suggest you watch THE FUCKING SHOW. I'm just saying, not to anyone specific (H3.2) or during any show specifically (Greys Anatomy) or any time specific (right now). That's all.
As I was saying, H3.2 and I are watching Greys Anatomy (and he's paying attention for one moment) when Addison starts crying and Bailey's milk lets down. For those of you that don't watch one of my favoritest (Sam's word of the day) shows, Bailey is a nursing mommy with a brand-spanking new baby. Addison's tears involve peeing and poison oak AKA bad itchy shit that you shouldn't squat over.
H3.2 is shocked/appalled/freaked out that crying = milk production. I'm not sure how bad it is for most mothers, however I can tell you that my mammaries could have supplied milk to half the country and still have enough left over for Chicken and my morning coffee. This means, to you non-nursing women/men that when a baby (any baby) cried my boobies were ready/overflowing/turning my day into a wet T-shirt contest. H3.2 remarks: "What the hell, that is such a bad design." Dude, it's nature. How about those freakin' "nocturnal emissions", huh big boy? Like that's convenient. No vaginas around to impregnate and you're shooting a load into your sheets. Bah. Bad design.
Favorite Line from tonight's show? "Baby Trumps Husband"
Sidenote: Um Toby? Read the previous post please n thank you.
posted by Sam at
10:23 PM
23 Comments:
Ok.. Sam is dumb and forgot to leave my ingenious idea relating to the inherent bad design of women.
Setup: A boombox/something similar loaded with a repeating track of a baby/something crying. Mall or other highly populated place with lots of mothers that are currently in the breast feeding faze.
Action: Walk around with boombox/other playing crying baby/other and watch the hilarity as many a women start to have boob leakage. LOL then ROFLMAO then repeat. Possibly Video.
Nice. Stop interrupting my show.
You asked me a stupid question about the show because you were writing a post. Don't put this all on me Miss Hypocrite 2006. :-P
Bah.
Thats what I thought. Where the hell is the post about all the cool schwag I got you for your bday?
(and thank you for not being vulgar in your previous post)
Um... I'm sitting right next to you. You can talk to me. And FUCK YOU I can be vulgar whenever I want. So there. :) You snore and your balls smell. Like BALLS. HA!
:-/ (Sam can confirm this real time frown)
Why must you always have a dirty mouth. Maybe thats why I am not talking to you, you missy have a POTTY MOUTH.
Your VaJayJay smells, but not like VaJayJay, something much worse... possibly something rotting, and that by far is way worse than Balls smelling like Balls.
OH MY GAWD, call 911 or something. I think I'm going to die laughing. Which is causing an asthma attack. Fuck. He's a funny one, that H3.2.
*note to the public*
Sam is doing her best impression of a Hyena. She is possibly cackling at this point. Its quite disturbing.
I'm sorry to interrupt your chat session...
I love me some Grey's Anatomy, but I must confess that I, too, blog and watch at the same time. Sorry, Sam.
You should blog like this more often, it's really hilarious. Perhaps you could start a new blog together.
If I waited to nurse my baby too long, any pressure at all (such as touching the side to get it lined up with wiggly baby) I actually could shoot milk four feet away. It was hilarious.
And by the way, why the hell do you have such a damn potty mouth anyway Sam? lol
I meant to e-mail you yesterday and tell you Happy Birthday. Now I can add you to the list of peopple birthdays I forgot. All my favorite people are on it.
Happy belated b-day.
I like this real time insulting business. More more!
Hey, somewhere in there, I wanted to sneak in a Happy Birthday! to you, Sam. Hope you enjoyed the day.
I had the same dilemma as you when breastfeeding. AAAHHH the memories!! ;-)
I wish I could have been on the other one when you were feeding Gerbera! I'm young enough I believe.
Anonymous- I don't know if I should say "ew" or "??". I guess it depends on your real/imagined relationship with her!!
Happy Birthday - and thanks for the mammories, Sam.
Memories. Sorry.
After nursing 3 babies I can relate....
btw, if you feel the let-down come it actually helps to press on your breasts. This trick helped me keep many shirts dry.
Thankfully the crying part had not too much affect on me.... Just timing...
ah the days of super inflated boobies......
The only problem with breastfeeding mothers with "super inflated boobies" is that us fathers aren't allowed to touch them (the boobies...and sometimes the mothers, now that I think about it). See, the problem is that the super inflation process tends to make the boobies on the mothers somewhat tender and sore. At least, that's the story my wife gives me...
Sorry I am late! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!!!
I don't know nothin' 'bout nursin' no babies, but dammit, I missed your birthday...:-( Hope it was a great one!
Happy Birthday, Sam! Hopefully you will get this late comment...
i think our birthdays are close--mine is Feb. 27th.
thanks for freaking me out about breastfeeding. Czarina will be very upset when i direct her to this post when explaining to her that she will have no grandchildren because i'm too freaked out to ever let my boobs behave in such a way.
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