Ah Fuck

Update:
I was so wrapped up in the previous post that I forgot to mention something vital to the story. After my dad "left" to his heavenly reward or wherever (a strip club in the sky?) the overwhelming urge to smoke vanished. Like a... puff of smoke. I know, the imagery is stunning. I'm still on the patch, but ONE a day, not one every 12 hours. And when I'm due to buy patches again, I'm going to either get the 7mg (1/2 the amount) or nicotine gum to chew in case I'm about to kill someone. I waited to get off the patch because I knew (somehow) that I would have trouble when my dad died and did NOT want to start smoking again. I hope Chicken never has to go through the pain of watching me slowly suffocate to death over several years, just like my dad watched his mom die.