Get In Bed

I remembered a funny story the other day while talking to an expectant mother, so I thought I would share it with you all in its shining example of stellar parenting glory.

Chicken skipped the terrible twos and breezed on into the "fucking horrible please can I give him back" threes. One evening he was NOT willing to go to bed. He fussed, he cried, he threw a fit that said "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on lady, because this boy is not going to sleep". Now, I don't believe in beating the shit out/spanking/smacking Chicken. But if ever there was a time that I dearly wanted to, it was that night. Instead, I employed the vast uncharted recesses of my puny brain and decided to mind fuck him into going to sleep. I picked him up in his cutesy little footsie pajamas, carried his butt downstairs and opened the front door. I placed him right outside the front door. He looked at me in a "what the fuck" manner, and then I began:

"Chicken, I know you don't want to go to bed. However, in this house we have rules. And one rule is that everyone goes to bed. For you, bedtime was 1/2 hour ago. So if you don't want to follow the rules of this house, take your feet on down the road and find a place to live where the rules are more to your liking."

And then I shut the front door in front of his stunned face. After ten seconds he realized that I was serious (or at least he thought I was) and started to wail. I opened the door, and asked him if he was ready for bed. Oddly enough, he decided that bed didn't sound so bad after all.