Horse Cock

I may have mentioned that I have a client that refers to me as "HC" or horse cock due to a video that I was forced at finger point to watch. The video was entirely his fault, as he was the one that posted the link to the video. I simply had the misfortune to be sitting next to H3.2 when he clicked on the link. This client matches or exceeds my ability to talk about poop, penises and general vulgarity. I was introduced to him by H3.2 and he is a joy to have as a client. We'll call him Stallion for several reasons including the video. None of these reasons relate in any way to the man's penis or lack thereof.

During a meeting I recently had with Stallion we discussed a letter that needed to be sent out to a mutual fund company concerning one of his accounts. I typed up the letter, emailed it to him and he was instructed by me to sign it and give it to H3.2 (his co-worker). H3.2 would deliver the letter to me in a sealed envelope.

H3.2 arrives home from the office later that day and hands me the letter with a weird grin on his face. I was about to put the letter in my bag when he told me that I should review the letter before putting it away. Puzzled, I opened the letter and noted that it was signed. I again tried to get up to place the letter in my work bag. H3.2 said I really had to READ the letter. I was confused, because I WROTE the letter. I didn't need to read it. It needed a signature and that was all. Here's a summary of the letter I wrote:

123 Street
City, State 00000

Mutual Fund Company
123 Street
City, State 00000

October XX, 2005
Re: Account #123456

To Whom It May Concern:

Please do this and that regarding my account. Standard boring business stuff and information. If you have any questions, please contact my rep on this account.

Sincerely,

Stallion

This is the letter I received from H3.2. I only changed certain names to protect the guilty:

123 Street

City, State 00000

Mutual Fund Company
123 Street
City, State 00000

Re: Account #123456
October XX, 2005

To Whom It May Concern:

I am marginally-confused over certain responsibilities stated in my contract with your company. My financial advisor, Sam has informed me that if I do not pay her $333.00 each month, your company will send a crack team of "professionals" in a black van to my house to serve me a fresh batch of--I believe she said "horse semen"?--via a "live equine-flesh anal probe", twice monthly. I do not understand where in my contract that this is stated and fear that Ms. Sam will not be amenable to a contract change, as she seems to be excited about the prospect of filming the "contracted procedure". Please advise.

Sincerely,

Stallion

Now, just imagine with me for a moment if I had sent this form into the company. It still contained account numbers and names (including my own). It looked almost identical to the letter that I had written and it was properly signed. I had to triple check that the letter I was mailing off was the original letter and not the edited version. I love my job!