Greedy Mosquito

"Yeah, you might want to cancel that appointment"

Said by Chicken in response to the reek emanating from the bathroom as I sat contemplating life, dreams, and the amount of times I would be flushing. From my royal throne I called and rescheduled my evening appointment for a more convenient time. Like a time where I am not permanently attached to porcelain. The good news is that you loyal readers finally get a new post from me. The bad news is that I may pass out in the middle of blogging due to toxic fume inhalation.

Just when I am teetering on the verge of dying a horrible, noxious death my delightful Chicken grabs the fan from my bedroom, sits it in the doorway of the bathroom, plugs it in and turns it on high. "To ensure that you don't stink like hell" he says. I have an in-ceiling bathroom fan, but I hate the sound of it. I'm sure that it does some weird hocus pocus to my intestines and I don't need any more help in that area.

"Did you hear the story of the Greedy Mosquito?" Chicken stated as he came out of the bathroom the other day. He was taking his afternoon poop when his butt cheek started to itch. His bowels are as regular as they come. He grabbed some toilet paper (cause the kid couldn't scratch his ass with his bare hand, heavens no!) and rubbed his ass. He looks down into the toilet and notices a dead mosquito floating amidst his poop masterpiece. The damn critter was trying to get a meal while Chicken took a shit. How gross is that?

In other random Chicken news, today I learned that I was not hanging up the pots and pans correctly. They must be hung right to left, with the smallest first. I had already been scolded for putting forks, knives and spoons in the same area when loading the dishwasher. Now, I'm all for Chicken cleaning the kitchen and cooking Top Ramen all by himself. However, this OCD thing in the kitchen is crazy. His room typically looks like a hurricane hit it, minus the water. He leaves a path of destruction that FEMA would not touch. Even in the kitchen his mess-making is legendary. He will drop shit on the floor, spill crap on the counter and generally have a fuck-all festival in the kitchen. As long as the utensils are properly placed in the dishwasher and the pots are hung correctly, he could care less about the mess. That's my kid.