Spermville and Spermitropolis

Chicken is home sick today (Monday), so I'm at home with him blogging. Uh, I mean I'm at home taking care of him. Thanks to H3.2, I'm sitting on the couch with Chicken on the handy dandy laptop so I can do both at once. Chicken was laying down with Dude on his lap, and looked so darn cute I had to take a picture. Of course, I was told by Chicken I had to post the picture right away. That's my excuse for blogging, and I'm sticking to it.

*picture removed*

Chicken and Dude have an unusual relationship for an eight year old boy and a cat. They adore each other, and if Chicken is still for more than five minutes Dude will plop down in his lap. Dude is a genuinely weird cat. He will only eat one kind of cat food, and if you looked in the dictionary under "attention whore" you would find a picture of Dude. Sometimes I think he is a dog in a cat suit.
One day Dude decided that the usual incessant meowing for a fresh bowl of food wasn't working out for him. So he jumped up onto a dining room chair, sat there and complained. Doesn't he have this "Feed me now bitch" look in his kitty eyes?

Some time ago I promised a post about Spermville and Spermitropolis. The story begins one evening when Ewe Girl and her friend Farm Boy came over for dinner and a movie. Ewe Girl and Farm boy have known each other for years, as their parents are good friends. Just recently, they rediscovered each other and are doing the "I think I like you" dance while spending every possible free moment with each other. As Ewe Girl is my bestest friend, I wanted to meet this Farm Boy. I invited them over for dinner and Chicken decided to put on his best "I'm a hilarious/insane child act".

It started at the dinner table, where Chicken knows that he has a captive audience. For some reason, we began talking about penises. Chicken wanted me to tell the story of how my mother was upset that I referred to Chicken's penis as a PENIS when he was learning his body parts. She wanted me to call it a "pee pee", because the word penis is vulgar. I insisted that pee pee is what comes out of the penis, and Chicken would be taught the correct term for his body parts. I taught him many other body parts, like elbow, leg, ear, eye, etc. I didn't feel that teaching him the word penis was vulgar. Of course, we all know that my definition of vulgar is a bit skewed... however I felt I was right this time.

The next thing I know, Chicken is giving Farm Boy a complete sex ed course on penises, testicles, and their functions.

Chicken: The things below the penis are testicles. They are cities of sperm, so I call them Spermville and Spermitropolis. The sperm leaves the testicles and comes out of the penis. Some penises have a foreskin and some don't.

At this point Chicken pretends to use huge gardening shears to illustrate circumcision.

Chicken: If you aren't careful when you cut off the foreskin, you cut off the penis and you are left with a little stump and just Spermville and Spermitropolis. You have to sit down to pee.

Ladies and Gentlemen, dinnertime at Sam's house!