Homework

This isn't original, but if you have school-aged children you'll laugh. Or cry. I promise. Chicken's teacher sent this home at the beginning of the school year, and I am quoting it so I am not liable for any grammar or addition errors. Although I did change a few uppercase letters to lower case letters because WHAT THE FUCK if you are going to send home something at least have it be written at a fourth grade level. You don't just capitalize words in the middle of the sentence for NO APPARENT REASON. Unless you're blogging, of course!

Explanation of Homework Policy

Students shouldn't spend more than 90 minutes per night on homework. This time should be budgeted in the following manner:

• 5 minutes looking for the assignment
• 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment
• 23 minutes explaining how the teacher is mean and just doesn't like kids
• 8 minutes in the bathroom
• 10 minutes getting a snack
• 7 minutes checking the TV Guide
• 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment
• 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment

Long Term Assignments
These are given the night before they are due, which explains the name "Long Term". It is a long-term commitment to time that begins at 9:30pm and ends around 11:50pm-or later. It is important that the whole family be involved. At least one person races to Walmart for poster board, and at least one family member ends up in tears (this does not have to be the student). One parent needs to stay up and complete the project. The other parent needs to call the school and leave a message that the student is out sick.

Author Unknown

I'm still upset at the hastily written nature of this funny poke at the reality of homework. I'm sure Mr/Mrs. Author Unknown could have spent say, 2 more minutes and created a masterpiece that flowed better and did not contain random capitalizations. Oh well, not everyone is as perfect as... ME!

Sidenote:
My mother was irritating me today, telling me that if I did not visit my father THIS weekend the sky was going to fall. Dad- you want me to visit at Christmas I'll be there. Mom- kiss my butt. So, the funny part? My mother said "Honey, do you want a facial? I'll treat!" I started laughing. She thought I was laughing at her and started to get her feelings hurt. I told her that recently I had learned another definition of facial and was just laughing to myself. She said: "OMG! I do NOT want to know".

Ha ha ha. I'm still chuckling. I know this picture is technically a bukkake, or to less vulgar readers a Christmas candle that has been burned down a bit. However, take a dance in my brain for a second. My mom says "Want a facial?" And I see this picture in my brain. Wouldn't you laugh?

*Click for a larger version.
** Thanks to Bastard Face for the picture!