Hard On!
Chicken was doing homework one evening and needed a definition of a particular word. H3.2 was on the computer, so he looked it up on one of those sites that will pronounce the word for you as well as provide the definition. The next thing I know, Chicken and H3.2 are sitting together cackling madly as the computer pronounced words for them over and over again.
H3.2: Well, Chicken, you know when people are excited and they pump their arm into the air and say "RIGHT ON!" Some people do the same thing and say "HARD ON!"
I'm imagining my poor child going to school, answering a question correctly in class and shouting out "HARD ON!" I gave H3.2 the stink eye and he tried again.
H3.2: See this tv remote? It's rigid plastic. Now imagine it in my pants. That's a hard-on.
OMG! What in the fuck is he thinking? Poor Chicken is more confused than ever. I finally give up and take matters into my own hands.
Sam: Chicken, you know how sometimes your penis gets happy? That's a hard-on. The correct name is an erection. Please do not go to school and shout "hard-on", okay?
Just another day in the life...
Va-gi-naNice. Just what I needed. Another day, Chicken, H3.2 and I were home and H3.2 said "hard-on". Holy Fuck. Chicken knows many words for penis, but we have not gotten into every permutation of the penis and erect penises. PLEASE! It is not necessary. So I told H3.2, you got yourself into this one, you explain it.
A-nus
Breast
Nip-ple
Pe-nis
H3.2: Well, Chicken, you know when people are excited and they pump their arm into the air and say "RIGHT ON!" Some people do the same thing and say "HARD ON!"
I'm imagining my poor child going to school, answering a question correctly in class and shouting out "HARD ON!" I gave H3.2 the stink eye and he tried again.
H3.2: See this tv remote? It's rigid plastic. Now imagine it in my pants. That's a hard-on.
OMG! What in the fuck is he thinking? Poor Chicken is more confused than ever. I finally give up and take matters into my own hands.
Sam: Chicken, you know how sometimes your penis gets happy? That's a hard-on. The correct name is an erection. Please do not go to school and shout "hard-on", okay?
Just another day in the life...
posted by Sam at
12:26 PM
12 Comments:
happy penis. i like that.
Blog Ho- That's what we've always called it, there's a story behind it...
Oh my god, I'm not ready to teach this crap to my kids...
Robin- You never will be... there is no choice in the matter. I'd just hide under the bed if I could. But then I'd miss all the funny stuff.
thank you. that made me laugh out loud. HARD.
i agree with blog ho also!
My 6 yo J gets a "happy penis" sometimes from kids movies. Don't ask me why.... He finds it very uncomfortable (ashamed??) and wants me to bannish those certain movies. I'm very upfront to the kids how everything works. It was me, not my husband who told J. how to wash himself (as Europeans, all men in our family are intact, thank you very much).
He knows the term "erection" but doesn't throw it around. He says he penis becomes weird at those times. I always tell him, it's just that he really likes the movie. It happens especially when a girl sings like in Ariel part 2.
Oh well, I'm sure he will grow over it and have erections the whole damn day!
oh wow...LOL...
the joy of raising boys... :)
peace...
Oh my God!!! This is too funny! I never had to worry about these conversations as I had 2 girls. We just had different and not nearly as entertaining conversations.
Corinna- Gotta have some laughter with the tears, you know?!
Esther- My son is intact also, that's a story for another post. I had to teach my son proper washing techniques, too! I told Chicken about your son, he cracked up at the Ariel happy penis thing.
Monkey- Boys are weird, but I wouldn't change a moment of my life with Chicken for anything.
Gerbera- My only problem is sometimes I have to ask male friends things like "is it normal to have a freckle on your ball sack?" Of course Chicken is modest now, so I don't inspect it... but when he was in diapers I was like "WTF?" is that poop or a freckle? It won't come off so it must be a freckle?!
How old is your son?
Malia
Ahhh, raising boys is so entertaining.
Malia- Chicken is going to be nine in October.
Redneck- Isn't it the greatest?!
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