Gross
Warning: This blog tends to be filled with foul language, sexual references, feces and much, much more. However, I think this particular post reaches a new level of OH MY GOD THAT'S DISGUSTING. For some of you, this will serve as a dire warning. For others, this is just temptation to see just what I can come up with that will serve as a new, shining benchmark of vulgarity. Before I begin, most of you will need a primer on a product called "Instead". If you can handle that, you might be able to handle the rest of the post.
This is Instead, a product made for women during their visit from "Aunt Flow". It is used instead of a tampon or pads. I love it! The only place I can reliably find it is Target, however I hope someday it will catch on and I can buy it at my local grocery store. If you want the details on this amazing invention, go to their website (linked above). The only problem I have with using the softcup is the removal can sometimes be messy, so I prefer to remove it in the shower.
Also, while I am wallowing in the realm of "too much information" I should mention that I have insane periods. The kind that last only 7-9 days while ON the pill. Let's not even discuss what happens when I'm not on that blessed medication. During my period I have a span of time that I affectionately refer to as "Bleeding Like a Stuck Pig". It is disgusting. Don't come within a mile of me, please. You might get bloody. Anyone still reading? I thought so...
H3.2 and I frequently communicate on AIM during the day when I'm not running around managing peoples money. Here is an unedited snippet of our conversation from today:
Sam: dude is sooo happy
Sam: he was sleepin in kid's closet when i got home
H3.2: nice
Sam: comfy and dark
Sam: like my snatch
Sam: but without all the blood
H3.2: eww
Sam: omg i didn't tell you...
Sam: this morn i took out my Instead in the shower
Sam: holy shit i thought i had bled to death in the night
Sam: if i hadn't put one in we would have woken up as we slid off the bed in a pool of blood
H3.2: wow
H3.2: thats really gross
H3.2: was it chunky
Sam: i dunno i can't see that far
Okay, I'll wait while you dear readers go vomit. There now, feel better? Just to let you know, (in case you had missed a post or twelve) Dude is my cat. Also, I am totally fucking blind without my glasses.
The main points of this post were to :
A) give you a special glimpse into the insanity that is my life
B) show you that no matter how gross I am, H3.2 can top me with a "was it chunky?" That's why he's H3.2.
Update: OMG I missed HNT. I can't believe it. I've been working so much that I forgot all about it until I went to Redneck Diva's blog and noticed her HNT. Shit. Sorry everyone!
This is Instead, a product made for women during their visit from "Aunt Flow". It is used instead of a tampon or pads. I love it! The only place I can reliably find it is Target, however I hope someday it will catch on and I can buy it at my local grocery store. If you want the details on this amazing invention, go to their website (linked above). The only problem I have with using the softcup is the removal can sometimes be messy, so I prefer to remove it in the shower.Also, while I am wallowing in the realm of "too much information" I should mention that I have insane periods. The kind that last only 7-9 days while ON the pill. Let's not even discuss what happens when I'm not on that blessed medication. During my period I have a span of time that I affectionately refer to as "Bleeding Like a Stuck Pig". It is disgusting. Don't come within a mile of me, please. You might get bloody. Anyone still reading? I thought so...
H3.2 and I frequently communicate on AIM during the day when I'm not running around managing peoples money. Here is an unedited snippet of our conversation from today:
Sam: dude is sooo happy
Sam: he was sleepin in kid's closet when i got home
H3.2: nice
Sam: comfy and dark
Sam: like my snatch
Sam: but without all the blood
H3.2: eww
Sam: omg i didn't tell you...
Sam: this morn i took out my Instead in the shower
Sam: holy shit i thought i had bled to death in the night
Sam: if i hadn't put one in we would have woken up as we slid off the bed in a pool of blood
H3.2: wow
H3.2: thats really gross
H3.2: was it chunky
Sam: i dunno i can't see that far
Okay, I'll wait while you dear readers go vomit. There now, feel better? Just to let you know, (in case you had missed a post or twelve) Dude is my cat. Also, I am totally fucking blind without my glasses.
The main points of this post were to :
A) give you a special glimpse into the insanity that is my life
B) show you that no matter how gross I am, H3.2 can top me with a "was it chunky?" That's why he's H3.2.
Update: OMG I missed HNT. I can't believe it. I've been working so much that I forgot all about it until I went to Redneck Diva's blog and noticed her HNT. Shit. Sorry everyone!
posted by Sam at
2:46 PM
33 Comments:
Sam,
Um strangely I am TURNED WAY ON. Thank you for todays post. I know for some well prolly many it may be gross but not for me. Thanks for sharing. ;-)
manblogger- Speechless here. I never expected that reaction. Wow.
LOL, really. H3.2 is definately a keeper if he could have that conversation with you. He must be one special guy!
Sam, I can soooo relate. Since having babies I definitely bled like crazy. No cramping, just major bloodloss. My solution: MIRENA!!!! Yes it hurts to get it in (for 30 minutes or so), but no more messing around for 5 years. No more pills or in our case: condoms. What a relief! Some women have hardly any bleeding on it, mine is super minor.
Oh, another drawback: $$$$ My insurance didn't cover it. Probably about $600 with docter visits incl. But worth every penny!!! No unplanned bambino's and no bloody accidents!
And oh, I was not grossed out. I just read an article in Mothering magazine about "The Wonderful Placenta" Way grosser!
See, I'm gross too. heehee So, I was laughing out loud. And, . . . I think I love H3.2 also . . . hope you don't mind. :) I think my husband would have been grossed out by this conversation by me. :) I'll look into this Instead sometime. Thanks for the funny post.
That's flippn' sick yo. lol. How long do you leave it in? Can you tell its there?
Kat- He is special. In a really twisted way. I love it!
Esther- I did went to the website on Mirena, I'll have to do some more research on it. Thanks for the tip!
Marel- I totally don't mind! He's very lovable.
Mistyblue- You can leave it in up to twelve hours, and you can't feel it, AT ALL. There are a few flaws with it, that are too gross to get into on my blog even for me. If you want more info, lemme know and I'll email ya.
Never a dull moment in Sams world...
You never know when you will learn something new about feminine hygiene.
Thanks Sam....
*rolling on the floor laughing*
AACK !!
jeremy
Jen uses it as well...she swears by it... :)
H3.2 is too awesome... :)
peace...
Yes, repulsed reader indeed. I'm not sure how you can top that. ;)
instead rocks! have you ever tried "the keeper"?
http://www.keeper.com/
i'm thinking about investing in one...
Is it not a fancy version of The Cup?? I've seen those advertised in my alternative mothering/parenting mags......
is H.3.2 maybe a horror movie fan. the grosser and bloodier, the better??
I discuss my period with my hubby but he has never been so inquisitive...
ooop
did I say CUP, I meant "Keeper"
sorry
I'm truly concerned about manblogger. LOL.
I can't believe you missed HNT. I must have checked a half a dozen times to see if you posted. Wow, that makes me sound like a perv.
Your conversation with H3.2 sounds like the ones my wife and I have. She also calls it the "bleeding like a stuck pig" phase.
hot.
OK- I cant pull it off- that was ickyickyicky.
Sometimes I hate being a girl. I want the shot that makes it only come 4 times a year but my Dr. says no way. I think he likes my pain.
i would not have missed that post for the world. "It holds at least twice as much menstrual fluid as a tampon, allowing some women to go at least twice as long between changes on heavy flow days."
so much new material. thank you. menstrual fluid. jesus.
My whole maleness (such as it is) tends to suck up in the same way that Andi's butt puckers when I read stuff like this. But I always read it! Being single, I don't get to "bone up" on these things. I'd say that I'm glad you shared, but I'm not sure that I am. I WILL say that the "chunks" comment is something that I would have asked...
On to HNT--you're going to have to make up for it in a big way next week! Sorry you missed it... But spend some time checking everyone out. Lots of new blood (eww...wrong term), and some great shots! And me in the bath with Michelle!
ummmmm - seriously - we were separated at birth, right? You are a brave soul to mess with the Instead...I wasn't grossed out, I was like OMG - it happens to others???
I wish Sam would have posted my idea for this week's HNT.
The shot would be her standing in the shower but with a twist...
The camera shot would be from her perspective looking down to her feet. The frame would include just from her thighs/knees to the floor. Down her leg you see a little trickle of blood, then at the bottom between her feet you see a used Instead laying in a pool of possibly chunky blood.
Oh well... maybe someday.
Marel- Are you up for a threesome? I am in for the Nguyen.
Oh my gosh - I just read through your comments and Mirena does indeed KICK some muthafuckin ASS!!!! Too bad my insurance doesn't cover it and it would cost us $925 + the office copay. If yours covers it - I'd say go for it!
H3.2 is my kinda man when talking about the shower shot. He is a smart man always thinking!! I wonder if i am sick because women talking about female stuff never really grossed me out at all. I am wondering if I am supposed to be grossed out by what they talk about?? Anyway, I work with 4 woman and when they talk about female stuff I dont even bother to look up any more.
You know a man's a keeper when he can discuss your menstrual chunks. Amen.
Great post, Sam. I'm a fellow stuck pig...especially after being a Depo Provera whore for a year or so. The ouch is just setting back in.
Well, Sam, all I can
say is I am laughing, not
about your problems with
the blood - but these
comments are priceless.
Just priceless.
Cathi
Happy to say I use those damn things here and there when I wanna get some action but mutha nature is being a bitch.
You know where I buy 'em? The 99 cents store... yep. Love it.
As I read your post and eating my sandwich without a missing bite, I thought hummmmm do I like my menapause or not?? HRT is pretty kool!!
Bless her heart you need more drugs!! (LOL)
P.S. Like this ex pro baseball player I use to date....back in the day...use to say...THE REDS ARE BACK IN TOWN!!
rad. awesome story. i wondered if those things were any good :)
Caneragon- I'm glad I could instruct you on the lastest feminine hygiene!
Monkey- I swear by it also. If they ever discontinued it I would... damn what would I do? Nope, can't even think about it. It would be like taking my Flonase away.
DD- Sorry to repulse you! I'll try to top it someday, I promise!
Ago-go- I'm going to look into the keeper, I've never heard of it. Thanks for the link.
Esther- See above about the keeper. H3.2 is a horror fan, and he's pretty inquisitive about my period, as long as he doesn't have to see it!
Lejnd- I'm concerned about Manblogger too. It's okay, whatever floats the boat! Sorry about the lack of HNT, I'll try to get something good for this week.
Princess- It was icky. Sorry! I think it is bad for your body to suppress your period. I agree with your doctor.
Blog Ho- You and I seem to be period obsessed lately.
Osbasso- I'll make it up, I promise!!
Nessa- Yep, we're twins. Just don't tell our mothers.
H3.2- Gross, just nasty. I love you! And stop propositioning Marel.
Manblogger- There is a fetish specifically about being into periods. I can't remember the name, Teddy Bear looked it up after reading your comment. Don't worry about not being grossed out, it's just a natural part of life.
Andi- He's a keeper! Stuck pigs unite!
Cathi- I'm so glad you're reading/commenting!!
Anna- I never thought about using it for that! And YOU BITCH! 99 cent store. Can I send you 99 cents for some? I'll be driving through OC on Thursday, you can hurl them at my car, I'll roll down the window.
Suzie- I'm so impressed that you didn't miss a bite of your sandwich! And the damn Reds are still in town.
Corinna- Very good. Some drawbacks though, drop me an email if you want the full scoop.
Did you recently change this site? I hope so because if not that means I've never been here before. And that's a damn shame. How could I have missed this after all this time. :(
Anyways, I started using Instead earlier this year and I love it! I only got to use if for two cycles because I got pregnant, but I did learn the hard way that shower removal is the way to go (don't ever remove that thing in a public restroom. that's just asking for trouble). I can only find it at one grocery store in my area though. I remember when I used to see infomercials for it about 8 years ago and then it just disappeared. I hope it becomes more widespread.
BTW, if you guys like this conversation, you should all check out this website.
Hi thanks for your blog, I liked it! I also have a blog/site about child investing
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What happens if I miss a dose of Acetaminophen ? Take the missed dose as soon as you remember. However, if it is almost time for the next dose, skip the dose you missed and take only the next regularly scheduled dose. Do not take a double dose of this medication. A double dose could be dangerous.
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