Gay Story #1

Let me begin by making two disclaimers:

1. For those of you that don't like gay people, think being gay is a personal choice and think that God will smite "those people" bloody some day, please stop reading. Actually, you don't ever have to read this blog again. Really. I'm serious.

2. For those of you that think the title "Gay Story" means that I'm using the lately popular term "gay" to mean stupid or lame, you are wrong. I'm actually talking about stories that involve, (gasp!) gay people. That is, for you inbred morons out there, people that love and have intimate relationships with the same sex. Now, I'm not gay, so if you are and I'm screwing this definition up, I'm sorry. Feel free to enlighten me.

First Story

In December of 2004 I used Craig's List to search for a roommate. My first reply was from someone we will call Taylor. Taylor's description at the bottom of the email was:

SWF, 25, Network Administrator

I took this to mean that Taylor (a name that can be used for a boy or a girl) was a girl, single, white, female aged 25 that worked as a network administrator. Due to my profession, I know roughly what the job pays. So this sounded like a good prospect to me. We exchanged a few emails, during which Taylor asked if having girlfriends occasionally spend the night was okay. So Taylor is a lesbian. It didn't bother me, but I asked my son (he's 8) about his feelings. Here's how the conversation went:

Sam: M, I might have found a roommate, however I need to find out how you would feel about having a girl roommate that likes other girls.

M: You mean she's gay?

Sam: Yes.

M: Cool, is she going to have a bunch of hot girls come over to the house?

Sam: M! Number one, you are 8 years old. Number two, the girls will be gay. Which means that even if they liked 8 year olds, they wouldn't like you!

M: (crestfallen) Oh. That sounds fine to me.

So I plan to meet Taylor at Starbucks. I don't want to have random people come to my house and I want to keep myself and my son safe. Taylor describes herself to me so I can recognize her. "Tan cargo pants, white t-shirt and short brown hair". So Taylor is butch. If that is offensive, I'm sorry I don't know how else to describe it. Mind you, we have not yet spoken on the phone, this is all through email. And through the emails I have enjoyed her sense of humor and her style of writing. So I'm liking her already.

I show up at Starbucks and order a Mocha Frap, decaf, grande. My order has nothing to do with this story, just wanted to let you know my drink of choice at that time. I wait for my potential roommate. I get bored. I sit down. This random guy approaches me and I get ready to brush him off when I notice what he is wearing. Oh my God! Taylor is a boy.

I sit down and I'm speechless. This does not happen very often. I look at him. I look pointedly at his crotch, and say "I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting a penis". I swear I really said this! We talked for a bit, realizing that the SWF was a typo and it should have been SWM. It was a start to a beautiful relationship. May I introduce you to .... H3.2. Who was supposed to be a lesbian. Who definitely likes women, but has a penis. A very nice one. And that's all I'll say about that.