Sex Shop For Trophy Wives

H3.2 and I went to Mission Valley on Saturday to go to the mall and return a few items. On our way home, we noticed a new store that we had seen once before while shopping. It's called West Elm. It's a rather large building on a main road, and it looks like a classy place. By classy I mean not a Target, Wal-Mart, Kmart, etc. I don't mean classy as in Rodeo Drive. We both wondered what kind of consumer goods West Elm sold.

H3.2: What kind of store is that?

Sam: A high-end sex toy shop.

H3.2: Really? Like dildos made of crystal? (He loves to play along with my insanity)

Sam: Young trophy wives go there to purchase their dildos and vibrators. You see, wealthy San Diego executives need young trophy wives after their first wives have gotten so much plastic surgery that they resemble Joan Rivers. They are no longer fit for public display and must be retired to Florida where the sun can turn their skin into stylish handbags. The rich executives are busy working 100 hour weeks to maintain their lifestyles, so the young wives get bored and start eyeing the pool boys. (Think Desperate Housewives) So in comes West Elm. They sell sex toys in precious metals, encrusted in jewels and sold in fur-lined boxes. They also have an espresso cafe and lounge. No trophy wife worthy of her 14 carat engagement ring would go to some sleazy sex shop only to be intimidated by the true beauty of the Bad News Blonde. No sir.

*note: West Elm does not and has never sold any vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, blow-up dolls, gay porn or butt plugs to my knowledge. They sell home furnishings. I looked it up. However, the store that Bad New Blonde works at does sell these fine items. You should visit her.