Is Ball Sack One or Two Words?

Recently H3.2 purchased a 2005 Corvette C6 Z51, black on black (sex on wheels). It's fucking hot. I'm not an American car kind of girl, however this car has balls so big that when he floors it I have to wring out my panties. Due to the leather interior, H3.2 makes me hang my panties out the window as I'm wringing. No juices on the leather, you know. So, this post has nothing to do with the car. I just wanted to talk about my panties a bit. Good for the ratings.

When H3.2 purchased said car, the finance company (we'll call them Stupid Corp. or SC) offered him a 0.0% interest promotional credit card. He already had a credit card through SC, however its promotional rate was about to expire. H3.2 filled in the application using his full first name, middle initial and last name. Let's make up a name for him. Alexander Benjamin Doodlebutt sounds good to me. He does have a long name, so this one is a reasonable facsimile.

When he received the credit card in the mail, the name on it was A B Doodlebutt. He called the credit card company to politely request that they change the name to Alexander B Doodlebutt. He also explained that when he received the first credit card from SC they shortened his name the same way. The representative that answered the phone instructed him to mail in a copy of a valid driver's license along with a signed letter requesting the change. H3.2 sent in the letter and happily waited for his new credit card.

SC sent a letter to H3.2 stating that the form of identification they received was invalid. SC needed one of the following:

• A marriage certificate
• A divorce decree
• Naturalization papers

H3.2 has never been married. He has never been divorced. Even if he had been married or divorced, it is highly unlikely that either of these events would have necessitated a name change. H3.2 is a man. A heterosexual man. In addition, he was born in the United States, he still lives in the United States, and therefore could not ever be a naturalized citizen in the United States. So he is pissed off at this point.

He calls back SC and the representative insists that in order to change his name, she needs valid proof of a name change. He attempts to explain to the stupid cunt that he never changed his name, the fucking morons at SC did and he just wants to correct their mistake. He does this politely without all the unnecessary foul language that I used here to illustrate my point. He offers to copy his passport, his driver's license, his social security card and his ass including a nice view of his ball sack. At this point she relents and tells him that a copy of his birth certificate would be acceptable.

Well, H3.2's birth certificate is somewhere at his parents' house. His parents are in the middle of remodeling their home. So the birth certificate would be a total pain in the ass to produce. H3.2 asks for the bitch's supervisor. For anyone that has ever had a problem dealing with a major corporation, you know that this is the part of the story where H3.2 has to explain the whole fucking story all over again. The supervisor states that a photocopy of H3.2's passport and social security card with a letter of instruction will be accepted as proof of name. He kindly provides a fax number to expedite the change. H3.2 photocopies, writes another letter and faxes it off to SC.

Time passes. About a week later, H3.2 receives his brand new credit card in the mail. He is elated, the world sings in unison, he gets a massive boner. Then he reads the name on the card. Alexander B Dumdlebutt. They misspelled his fucking last name. Which, by the way, was spelled correctly on the first card. He calls SC again. The friendly representative informs him that "simple" name changes can be done over the phone. Hurray! Then H3.2 hears "Crap! I can't believe I did that!" The rep had changed the last name, clicked "SAVE" and then realized that he fucked it up again. Guess what? "Simple" name changes can only be implemented once every 24 hours. H3.2 has to call back the next day to correct the mistake. Holy fuck. This is why I don't drive American cars. We're dumbasses. I hope I offend someone.

One would assume that the story ends there. Oh, but one would be dead wrong. H3.2 made a purchase at Best Buy last weekend. His Best Buy credit card had expired, so he applied for a new one. According to the sales guy, if you don't use your Best Buy card for over a year and do not carry a balance, it expires. H3.2 tends to make large purchases on 0% interest cards every couple of years, pay them off in a couple of months and then forgets about the card. So today he received his Best Buy card in the mail. Alexander Benjamin Toodlebutt. I almost fell off the couch laughing. Remind me to change my pants later.