Grammar 101
I understand that the Internet is a place where people can write whatever they want, without the dastardly grammar police hauling them off to redo basic English classes. I understand that it's not cool to care about grammar, and that all the really cool kids are in too much of a hurry being cool and doing cool things to care about grammar. For all of you that agree with the above statements, please don't waste your precious cool time reading this post. This post is for those people that get annoyed by poor grammar skills, in person and online. You've been forewarned.
First, let me say that my grammar isn't perfect. However, there are a few basic words that I can use correctly and I have developed a primer for their use:
Your and you're: "You're such a drunk asshole, your penis is hanging out of your pants and you didn't even notice it."
Notice you're is a contraction that means "you are" while "your" indicates possession.
Accept and except: "I would accept your slobbery, drunken excuses for fucking my sister, except for the fact that you're still inside of her you ASSHOLE!"
Notice how I managed to use your/you're and accept/except
Where and were: "Where were you when you puked your guts out? I'm asking because there is still vomit drying on your shirt."
Which brings me to another favorite grammar fuckup, there and their.
There and their: "When did you leave the twins' house? I know you were there, I can smell their juices all over you."
To and too: "When are you going to Pure Platinum? I want to go, too."
Okay, I have one left. This one usually bothers me in real life. I've corrected my boss in the middle of a meeting about this one. (I know I'm an asshole) It's my biggest pet peeve.
Less and fewer: "I have slept with fewer guys than Sheila has, therefore I am less of a slut."
Let me explain this one, because it really is simple. If you can count something on your fingers, use fewer. If you can't count it, use less. When you're at the grocery store and you read "10 items or less" just understand that the grocery store sign people are fucking stupid and you can't help them. Oh, and I know I sometimes end my sentences in prepositions. My 7th grade English teacher would have a stroke.
First, let me say that my grammar isn't perfect. However, there are a few basic words that I can use correctly and I have developed a primer for their use:
Your and you're: "You're such a drunk asshole, your penis is hanging out of your pants and you didn't even notice it."
Notice you're is a contraction that means "you are" while "your" indicates possession.
Accept and except: "I would accept your slobbery, drunken excuses for fucking my sister, except for the fact that you're still inside of her you ASSHOLE!"
Notice how I managed to use your/you're and accept/except
Where and were: "Where were you when you puked your guts out? I'm asking because there is still vomit drying on your shirt."
Which brings me to another favorite grammar fuckup, there and their.
There and their: "When did you leave the twins' house? I know you were there, I can smell their juices all over you."
To and too: "When are you going to Pure Platinum? I want to go, too."
Okay, I have one left. This one usually bothers me in real life. I've corrected my boss in the middle of a meeting about this one. (I know I'm an asshole) It's my biggest pet peeve.
Less and fewer: "I have slept with fewer guys than Sheila has, therefore I am less of a slut."
Let me explain this one, because it really is simple. If you can count something on your fingers, use fewer. If you can't count it, use less. When you're at the grocery store and you read "10 items or less" just understand that the grocery store sign people are fucking stupid and you can't help them. Oh, and I know I sometimes end my sentences in prepositions. My 7th grade English teacher would have a stroke.
posted by Sam at
12:58 PM
6 Comments:
GRAMMAR IS COOL!!! God Damnit! If you are going to write a blog, you must be a writer, and if you are a writer, you must be a reader, and if you are a reader, you must know what you are reading, therefore you must understand grammar, puncuation, and spelling.
We are kindred spirits, Sam. I hate poor spellers and poor grammar.
I do hate poor grammar (although I'll admit to using slang on my blog, but only because it's mine & I can) :) - awesome post! Thanks for visiting me! I've got you bookmarked & will be back often!
I like to make intentional grammar errors, but only because I know it's wrong. That's when it's okay - for me.
Thanks for the grammar support! I was worried that my controversial viewpoint would upset my dear readers. Okay, I wasn't really worried, and I was hoping to piss off as many grammar idiots as possible. I'm not perfect, and my writing skills have deteriorated since I finished college, but you won't catch me fucking up "less" and "fewer".
You're gonna have to try a lot harder to offend us! ;)
There is a grammatical error that totally annoys me. It is using the word "of" in the place of "have". Some people put "could of" instead of "could've". Both my daughters had an English teacher in high school that would not even let the kids use contractions just for this reason.
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